From listening to
the Atlantean Interviews on insercurity, I learned a couple of
things. First of all, insecurity is more of a specific reaction to a
specific event or circumstance rather than an ongoing point as I
viewed it before. Specifically, one reacts in insecurity when one is
in a situation that is unfamiliar and thus does not know how to
respond creating a feeling of powerlessness wherein one over-reacts /
responds in a way that makes one feel more powerful / taking one’s
power back, such as yelling or screaming, etc. Furthermore, we often
times learn insecurity from our parents who resort to yelling or
screaming as a matter to take control when the parent is faced with
situations with their kids that they do not know how to deal with
(feeling dis-empowered). Secondly, insecurity is a system that is
oftentimes rooted in the deeper mind layers and thus is inherited
from ones parents, is more physically a part of who one is, thus
making it a very difficult system / pattern to transcend.
Now there is also
the point of how I have defined insecurity and that within this,
insecurity has more of a broad definition in that everyone
experiences and thus defines insecurity a bit differently for
themselves. So, therefore, I am going to look at how I have defined
and experienced insecurity. So, I am going to answer the following
questions for myself here:
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How have I defined insecurity? Well, I have never actually formally defined this for myself. So, off the cuff, I would define insecurity, for myself, as any time when I feel inferior to a situation or being and then react with fear and either wanting to take control or flee the situation, so as not to have to deal with it.
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How does it make me feel? Insecurity makes me feel uneasy, hyper aware of self within the point of everything that comes out of my mouth comes under judgment and scrutiny, tense, my posture usually goes limp slightly, I just want to leave the situation, I react in anger more easily and say things that I might regret, and I feel that everyone is judging me.
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What does the emotional energy that is involved with insecurity do to my physical body? Like I just mentioned, my physical body goes limp slightly meaning that my posture is not as good as normal almost as if my body is projecting the inferiority that I feel inside. It also makes me feel tense like in the shoulder areas.
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In what moments and towards whom in my life do I react in insecurity? So, loosely speaking, insecurity is a point where I feel inferior to someone and thus react in fear and become quiet / don’t talk too much, and ultimately find ways of avoiding that person of whom I reacted in inferiority to. Usually I react in inferiority towards tall men, very athletic good looking men (those whom I judge to be good looking that is), men who are very funny especially with women, wealthy men, good looking women, and then also generally speaking in any situation where I feel that I don’t know what I am doing and feel that I can be judged as such or that I am expected to know what to do.
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What in my outside world triggers insecurity? Mainly men who speak in an authoritative voice or stance towards me, and in situations where I am caught by surprise and do not know what to do or have not developed a way of dealing with it and am required to think fast and on my feet and feel that I don’t fit in somehow to what is going on / don’t know for sure my position within regard to others.
So, I am going to
start by walking self forgiveness on the conscious, subconscious, and
unconscious mind layers within specific memories where I see a
pattern of insecurity, leaving out the names of those involved in
the situations, in my next writings.
