Day 428 - The Persecution Character

Per-se-cu-tion

1. Hostility and ill-treatment, especially because of race or political or religious beliefs.

2. Persistent annoyance or harassment

Relevant synonyms: harassment, hounding, badgering, teasing, bullying

I could have named this article the scientific persecution character or the vaccine persecution character or the political beliefs persecution character because in all of these three areas, I have developed quite a vocabulary and thus seem to cant help but persecute those who do not espouse to my views in these matters, especially on-line.

I could of also named this writing, the Verbal Diarrhea Character, because in essence, all these other characters that I listed above could be included in the acts of verbal diarrhea, although verbal diarrhea covers a broader construct.

I could have called these characters the Bullying Character as well.

Nonetheless, I have realized long ago that none of these characters are supportive and that I must stop. However, I have not yet fully stopped my participation in these characters, although I have improved over time, if that counts for anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the persecution character, especially on-line where I am “safely” behind a computer screen and do not have to face, in the flesh, my “opponent”, and persecute others for their beliefs, especially when it comes to science in general, vaccines, and political beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have been indeed infected with a mind virus of verbal diarrhea that must be purged and corrected and is not supportive in my process or in others. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I speak shit, I manifest shit, and then I experience that shit and that this virus is also contagious and others that I infect experience the same shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bully, harass, badger, hound, tease, and persecute people on-line in regards to their political, religious, eating, or scientific beliefs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a specific vocabulary in regards to defending specific topics, such as vaccines, and then wait for the opportune time to wield this vocabulary on an unwitting opponent with the intention of giving this opponent “a taste of their own medicine” and also with the intention of “standing up for what’s right” which is thus self-righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-righteously attack, harass, bully, and persecute another for their political, scientific, religious, or dietary opinion – all areas that I am fairly well versed and rehearsed at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to derive a pleasure and thus positive energy experience when going into the persecution character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself that I am standing up for “what is right” or that I am “making an effective change for the better in this world”, through my going into the Persecution Character, when in fact all that I am really doing is charging up my mind consciousness system and my opponents and all those who are reading my bullshit online- of which is just creating a bigger problem and sinking us all deeper into the pit of despair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak or type words with no awareness to what affect my words have on myself or others in regards to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carelessly and negligently use my words wherein as a consequence I build up my mind consciousness system and others as well, of which supports all the abuse in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support all abuse in this world with the words that I foolishly speak. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak as a fool – with no regard for the consequential outflow that my words may produce.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak any words that are of absolute blabbering nonsense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I see or hear someone type or speak words defending, especially when I perceive it to be arrogantly, subjects that I have done a shitload of research in, such as vaccines, various scientific topics, dietary issues, religion, and politics – act as a “trigger” for me to go into the Persecution Character – wherein, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these triggers to trigger me to go into and become possessed by this self created character and desire to self-righteously persecute and bully another being for their beliefs and positions – all justified within the delusional idea and belief that I am giving them a “taste of their own medicine” and standing up for what is "right".  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed and possessed by the Persecution Character, instead of stopping my participation in it by bringing myself back to the breath.

When and as I see myself going into the Persecution Character or see potential triggers, as mentioned above, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to remind myself that this is bullshit and that I am not doing anything whatsoever to aid and support Life, or create a world that is best for all by going into this character. I commit myself to, instead, stand in and as the breath, in oneness and equality, here as the physical and slow down and not communicate at all if I do not have something supportive to say or add.

I commit myself to test my communication by asking the question – does it stand in oneness and equality? Does what I am about to communicate support me and support others equal and one? Or does it influence me as the mind and others in and as the mind, supporting abuse and creating more problems in this world?

I commit myself to only speak words that are straight, direct, statements of who I am and what I stand for, as the living word, of Life, in oneness and equality – so that I can have an effectual outflow, in and as my words, of creating a world that is best for all, where I can support with my words, the manifestation of real equal and one solutions – instead of perpetuating problems with speaking blabbering nonsense.

Day 427 - Irritation Reaction

Moment start: The other day at work, when I looked at the delivery board, I saw what appeared to me to be my co-worker taking liberties to change our delivery schedule to accommodate his customers schedule in-spite of mine that was already scheduled in that same time slot.  As soon as I perceived this, memories came forth of "how he has done this in the past" and with that an onslaught of thoughts forth like:

• "My customer may loose his schedule that I promised him because of this!"
• "How can he do this!" 
• "He has no regard!" 
• "He just does whatever he wants!" 
• "He has no right to make changes to the schedule without consulting me!"
• "I cannot let this continue without speaking up!"
• "He is breaking our code of conduct."
•  "I cannot allow his insolence and disdain to continue!"

then as a consequence to my participating in these thoughts, emotions came up of:

• irritation, 
• exasperation, 
• worry (worried that my customer may not get the schedule I promised him), 
• indignation, 
• resentment, 
• rancor, 
• and vexation.    

Becoming emotional, I then marched in to my supervisors office in an effrontery making a complaint against my co-worker.  My supervisor, later that morning, addressed the situation with both of us in front of the schedule, and to my chagrin, it was pointed out that it was actually me who had placed my customers schedule in the wrong part of the calendar and that my co-worker had done nothing wrong.  My supervisor also pointed out that he noticed my emotional state of which I thought I had concealed.  I was further embarrassed and ashamed, even fearful for the sake of my job to a limited extent, as a reaction to that.  Moment end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with memories coming up and then react with thoughts about another person in reaction to the memories, all triggered by my seeing what I believed to be a change in schedule done by someone other than me, despite of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe these thoughts coming up in my mind to be me.  Thoughts such as "How can he do this! (as listed above)", as reactions to memories of this happening before, of which came up in reaction to seeing what appeared to be a schedule change on our scheduling board, and then go into them and be possessed by them, instead of breathing and remaining grounded here as the breath and as the physical, and stepping back as the observer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the past, backchat about this particular point and person in relation to this particular point; and then create, as a consequence, the emotional bodies of irritation, indignation, resentment, disdain, and rancor towards this person and point, all attached to memories of these events that happened in the past.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be possessed by these emotions attached as emotional bodies to these memories, triggered by a symbolically similar or actually similar event.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that because I have not released myself from my participation in back-chat and emotions from the past, to similar events, with self forgiveness in the moment, or simply applying myself to stop and breathe in the moment, that these past experiences then became encoded and embedded within and as my flesh as "bombs" (memories attached to emotional bodies) waiting for "a trigger" / something similar symbolically or actually, to set them off / set me off.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn myself into an emotional bomb / emotional terrorist because of not taking self-responsibility in past moments to correct myself in self-honesty and stand in my self awareness, as all-as-one-as-equal, when and as I go into the mind, by stopping my mind and my participation therein with self forgiveness and applying myself as the breath, of Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resentment and rancor towards this person.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold grudges towards this person based on my own backchat in regards to previous events.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these grudges from myself because I want to appear to myself that "I am a good person".  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with myself with reptilian logic instead of taking self-responsibility to release myself from these opinions and judgments and backchats in the moment when and as they come up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with irritation and exasperation to this person and situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react worry and vexation towards this situation.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear of survival in regards to this situation.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear of survival is fueling and charging worry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disapprobation and then self-righteousness towards this person and situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel dis-empowered towards this situation because someone appeared to take something from me that I may not be able to control. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go justify myself going into all of these emotions, as listed above, as a way to take my power and control back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with indignation towards this person and event due to my perceiving my treatment to be unfair.
Within all of this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become haughty and insolent in my conduct, body language, and words and tone when taking to my superior in regards to this matter.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot control myself because of too much emotional energy and also because it was my "right" to act in this manner because of this "unfair and disrespectful" treatment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then finally react with chagrin when it was finally pointed out to me that it was me who incorrectly scheduled my customer after all.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be careless, negligent, and hasty in my duties and my reviews of things that I have done.
When and as I see myself reacting with memories and / or backchat towards an event or person where I perceive injustice, unfair treatment, disrespect, spite, and contempt towards me (or even another), and / or emotions come up of disdain, annoyance, irritation, anger, rancor, indignation, exasperation, and disapprobation, I stop and I breathe.  I remind myself that this is all in my mind and that even if it is real-in-fact - that the solution is not to react with back-chat and emotions, but to breathe and remain grounded here in and as the breath and as the physical.  Thus, I commit myself to stand in the midst of the storm and remain here grounded as the Rock of Life, breathing.
When and as I see myself becoming emotionally possessed, believing that I have "no choice" but to act out.  I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to be possessed emotionally.  I commit myself remind myself, in that moment, that I am not required nor is it necessary for me to react emotionally and that this is of the mind and not who I really am of Life.  I commit myself to take advantage of the self awareness that I have in the moment, to step in and stand as the breath of Life, instead of reacting when and as I have the chance to do so, in the infinite moment before I act / express.  I commit myself to remind myself in the moment that I have to do so that I, as the breath of Life, am always able to be the directive power of me, no matter how strong the emotions may seem.  I commit myself to remind myself that emotions only seem to have power in and as the illusion created by the mind.
When and as I see myself going into the experience and feeling of feeling dis-empowered and then wanting to take revenge, I stop and I breathe.  I remind myself in that moment that revenge is only the illusion of power and that real power rests in my ability to stand and express one and equal with my self honesty and self awareness - which is to stand as the breath of Life, and express as the "I am" in every moment of breath.
I commit myself to apply self honesty and self forgiveness in the moments throughout my day so that I do not create emotional bodies attached to memories to act as triggers and thus can support myself to remain here in and as the breath in every moment of breath de-bugging the viruses of the mind one by one, breath by breath, until I have re-created my mind as a physical mind that works with equality with what is actually here.

Day 426 - Science and the Inquisition

I have come to see science as an utter fraud.  The major "theories" are crap.  You know, these theories: The Big Bang, Evolution, Heliocentrism, String theory Quantum theory, Relativity, Black holes, Germ germ theory -- all of them  I reject them all as Catholic emanated poppy-cock.  And I reject others too, I just can't think of them right now.  Science is bullshit.  There I said it. 

I know a lot of people, in fact most people, place their trust in science, so this is hard to hear.   Allow me to expand as to why I think its all bullshit:

1.  I cannot personally verify any of it.

2.  Most scientific theories have emanated from the bowls of Catholic or Jesuit clergy (just google this to see for yourself).

3.  We live in a prison planet where nothing can be trusted, especially what is taught in public schools from a young age (ironically, this I have personally verified - yet it takes quite a bit of self-honest consideration to do so.  So, if you have not verified this yet.  I suggest you get started).

4  We are brainwashed with scientific theory from a very young age, starting with globe theory.

5. When you cannot personally verify something, then those who hold the "knowledge", like scientists, become you access to the "unknown" - making these people another form of clergy and thus another religion where one can be controlled and told what to do.

6.  Theory, by definition, is "make-believe", other-wise, it is called "law", scientific law.  Theories can suck my ass.  They can fuck off.

So, fuck that.  Scientists and science can FUCK OFF.

Now, with all that said, I have developed an anti-science character of sorts where like if I sniff out that someone is too trusting of science, then I become a form of an inquisition and begin persecuting that person for their beliefs.  LOL.  That makes me laugh because that makes me like religious in a sense.  LOL.  The irony in it all!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persecute those who I see as trapped in the fraud of science.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior in intellect to those that I see as trapped in the fraud of science and the make-believe of scientific theory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form myself into an inquisition persecuting those who believe in science and scientific theories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat about others whom I perceive to blinded and brainwashed by science.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop and create in and as my mind an "anti-science" personality that activates when and as I see someone espousing the virtues of scientific theory - and then start persecuting that person for his / her beliefs just like the Spanish Inquisitors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with self-righteous-ness to those who espouse to scientific reason thus believing that I have a right to persecute and challenge in an offensive way these people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disdain towards those that espouse the virtues of science and scientific theory coming from a starting point that I am better or superior to them, which is of polarity and simply not true in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am standing up for a truth and justice by persecuting those who embrace science, when in fact I am just causing more friction and polarity enslavement to the mind of which is ironically producing more bad science and exacerbating the problem of scientific fraud because the only way to get "good" science is to stand equal with all as one, and to apply self to support a system of equality that will eventually lead to good science that can be trusted.

I commit myself to, when and as I start reacting to written words on-line, or verbal words - that start espousing the virtues of science - to start breathing thus stopping these reactions in their tracks, grounding them back into and as my physical so as to remain clear and here.  I commit myself to hear the words of others without reacting to them while listening.  I commit myself to remind myself that we are all in different stages of process and have different "view" points to work through as a consequence.  Self included.  I commit myself to place others inside of self so that I can walk with them from where they are as me, one and equal.  I commit myself to thus stopping the scientific inquisition character that I have created in separation within and as my mind, and to bring myself back to earth here, as all as one as equal as physical.

Day 425 - Less Than

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others and come up "less than".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in the prison of my own mind through my fear of being "less than".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may be "less than" worthy of other's company, in their eyes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others deserve less than me in the basic requirements for life and living on this planet such as food, shelter, money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in-spite of everyone else by missing even one breath, and within this I forgive myself that I have thus manifested a world were billions are viewed and thus treated as "less than" life, including possibly even me, as a consequential outflow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is justifiable that others have access to "less than" enough food / money / shelter to have a healthy body, and live a dignified life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself live in a world where most beings are considered "less than"worthy of living in dignified living conditions, and then I do nothing about it, through my continuing to live out the characters of my mind, thus taking no self-responsibility to stop creating a world of inequality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest my own fear of being "less than" by creating myself as systems, that are "less than" Life, through my own fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be "more than" others: more worthy, more funny, more rich, more successful, for likable, more intelligent, more talented  -- all so that I can feel worthy of Life and because of my starting point of fearing that I may be "less than".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear, in that I fear that I am indeed "less than" and thus as a consequence now exist as "systems" of which these systems that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become are none other than my fear of being "less than" manifested, because systems are indeed "less than" Life because they are a derivative of Life, but not Life itself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that Life is equal in all ways.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as "less then" and then react in fear to other's seeing me as "less than" when and as I am in their presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always have to present myself in a certain manner in order to be acceptable in another's presence, otherwise I will be judged as "less than"
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand if I fear being judged by others as "less than" - that I have already judged myself as such.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge self as "less than" and then become nervous.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge self as "less than" and then try to be and appear to be "more than" in order to feel worthy.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this pattern of fearing that I am "less than" and then competing to be "more than" has a consequential outflow of this manifested world of billions who are now living with "less than" enough food to eat.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my only option is to be be "less than" Life, OR equal to Life as Life, and that anything short of equality to Life results in a world of abuse where abuse is justified because some are "more than" while others are "less than" in the eyes of the systems which are de-mans running the world today.
I commit myself to equalize myself with Life through my dedication to stopping my mind as systems that I have allowed myself to be and become.
I commit myself to stop all comparison and judgment of others, and self, by forgiving it in the moment as it comes up, in real-time so long as it takes, until these patterns stop and my structural resonance has changed.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop all matters of comparison, competing, and judgment by reminding myself that these are patterns of the mind and systems that are less than Life, and that I am "here" as breath, where no judgment, comparison, and competition exists - and then apply self-forgiveness in the moment, to assist and support myself to remain here as breath in every moment, of Life, thus taking my stand as equal with Life.
I commit myself to show that if one stand equal with Life, as the breath of Life, that one can then help create a world of equality, where abuse does not exist - even if it takes decades.