Day 218 – Redefining the word ‘work’, Part IV - SCS

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that sound signature and relationship to the word work that I have created within and as myself wherein work sounds like ‘were ok’ – meaning everything will ONLY be ok through the application of work.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in the emotion of resentment / the resentment character towards work because of my participation in thoughts like ‘I should not have to do work to be ok and have what I need to survive.  This should not be.  I am a slave therefore.’ 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slave because I have to work and then to resent my slavery as if someone had imposed this on me against my will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize myself in reaction to the work ‘slavery’ be charging this word with as bad / negative in separation of myself.  Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slave because I have to work to survive and then go into a negative reaction to work because I have defined it as slavery and charged the word slavery as negative / bad.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the sound relationship that I have create with the word ‘work’ where the end of the word sounds like ‘OK’ wherein I must therefore do something to just be ‘OK’.

When and as I see myself going into the resistance-to-work character towards work, and anything that I have defined as work, where I participate in backchat about how work is slavery and then react to work and the application of work with resistance, resentment, and haste so as to get through it as fast as possible so that I can ‘relax’ and experience myself within and as the positive energy that is produced within and as myself in relation to activities that I have not defined as work – I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to go in the resistance-to-work character because I see, realize, and understand that this character is an egoic manifestation of the mind and is not an equal and one living application where I live here as the breath, as the physical, of life.

Thus, I commit myself to stopping this character as soon as I see myself going into it through reminding myself out-loud that ‘I am here, and that everything that I do is just simply a physical motion and that the positive and negative charges and associations that I place on it is simply of the mind.’ From there I commit myself to breathe and slow myself down until I am right here within and as my physical body as me and from there proceed to move myself to complete the tasks at hand that are required to be completed.

When and as I see myself reacting negatively towards the hearing of the word ‘work’ either spoken by someone else of by myself out-loud or in my mind, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to judge the word as negative / bad, and judge anything that I have as negative / bad and then react to within resistance, rushing, and haste because I see, realize, and understand that it is just a word, a sounding used to denote and communicate something – and the application of work is just a physical movement.  Thus, I commit myself to move myself within and as the breath, and the physical and apply myself to get the work done that is required while remaining here from start to finish, free of all reactions and judgments.

I see realize and understand that no matter the activity – all activities are just merely physical movement and that it is my judgments and reactions towards these physical movements and the way that I have defined myself to them that is the ‘problem’ of which I see, realize, and understand that these ‘problems’ exist within and as self and are created within and as my mind in separation from what is actually here.

 

Work – A new definition:

Inherent in the sound of work is ‘we are ok’.  This is true no regardless of what the activity is.  Work is ok.  We are / I am ok within and as the application of work.  Thus, work is simply defined as anything that is required to be done to take self-responsibility so as to have a means to communicate and differentiate activities that are required to be done – Yet, we are / I am ok within this.  I am here.  The definition of work is thus: that what is required to be done to take self-responsibility.  Within that definition, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow positive or negative relationships to be attached to this word or the activities that I have associated with this word. 

Day 217 - Redefining the word 'work', Part II

Writing Creatively on the word 'work'

 Work- An experience where I must overcome harsh obstacles to get what I need, want, and desire.  A barrier between that what I need, want, and desire and me.  A tribulation that one must pass through to get the prize.  A necessity to be 'ok'.  That what separates me from my pictured self as I must do something to get it.  A crushing experience of grueling chores.

 Self-Forgiveness on the word 'work'

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word 'work' and from doing anything that I have defined as 'work', by reacting to it with disappointment and despair when hearing of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word 'work' with a negative charge and define it as 'bad' thus polarizing my experience of work as negative, in separation of myself as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the experience of 'going through harsh tribulations while at work'.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my experience towards work as harsh and tribulatory is a self-created experience as a consequence of my participation in and the creating in backchat that creates a negative charge associated with work as a consequence of participating in ideas and beliefs that work is harsh and grueling, in separation of myself as living the word as 'work' as who I am in oneness and equality.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative, harsh, tribulatory experience while at work because I have accepted and upheld these ideas, beliefs, and backchat towards anything that I have defined as work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define anything that requires labor and also anything that is not what I want to do within and as fulfilling positive experiences that exist as pictures that exist within my mind, as work.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then react in resistance towards anything that I have defined as work thus limiting myself to only doing things that have a positive energy charge, that I myself created within an as myself in separation of myself as equal one living here as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by holding my self-created definition of the word 'work' that creates within and as myself a negative experience towards work and then by defining anything that is not what I want to do as a positive experience as work - that within this, I limit myself to going into resistance towards everything that actually needs to be done on a practical level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see anything that I have defined as work as a barrier to that what I want, need, and desire.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create stress within and as myself due to my pushing through the self-created resistances to work while at work and while anticipating work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat 'I need to get through this work as fast as possible so that I can relax.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the negative experience of resistance and hardship while at work instead of just simply forgiving this emotional experience in the moment and instead breathing and remaining here within and as my physical body equal and one with the work that I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of 'grueling working experience' while I was a child and my father was bossing me around all day to do work.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that holding on to these memories and experiences that formed within my mind as a child due to my unconditionally accepting my experiences as 'real' has affected my entire life in relation to work and taking responsibility for my own survival and also what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be dis-honoring myself as child and as my initial experiences towards work if I were to change my relationship towards work and working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as my self a personality of haste when working so that I can get it done as soon as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned with the pursuit of positive experiences and within that, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I fuck with myself be creating positive and negative charges and relationships to things and activities because within that point I am then drawn to the positive and resist the negative when in reality all is equal within the point that everything just takes physical action and that my reactions to physical action exist completely in my mind in separation from what is here and also these positive and negative charges that I have created in relationship to things that I need to do limit me to be less affective with those things that I have charged as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be happy while at work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything will be ok after I go through the tribulation of work.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that sound relationship to the word work has prohibited me from doing any actual real work within the point that I am not here while work but instead in my mind reacting with backchat and negative experiences all of which exist within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define anything that falls outside of a positive experience as 'work'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create stress and a stress reaction within and as work as I rush through my work as I push through to complete work so that I can get to the positive experience of not working.  Within that, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by participating in the negative experience while working that I am causing stress to build up within and as me until the work is finished at which time I then move to the other polarity of totally wanting to do nothing so as to truly 'relax' from all the 'hardship' of work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as hardship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought 'I do not want to work'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the thought is me that  'I do not want to work.'

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by defining certain physical activities as 'work' while having a negative charge to the word work exist within and as me, that I thus set myself up to go into resistance to all of the things that I need to do of which is not supportive at all whatsoever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the positive experience.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the positive experience only comes through the negative experience and thus I have trapped myself into endless cycles of negative and then positive experiences within the point of always pursing the positive and running from the negative.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to just live here and breathe and then apply myself to do what is required to support myself and build a world that is best for all UNCONDITIONALLY, with no positive or negative experiences associated with what I am doing.

 

Commitment statements on the next post (out of time!)

Day 216 – Redefining the word ‘work’, Part I

Self-Allocation Point:

When I hear someone tell me there is ‘work’ to do or that I need to do some ‘work’, I react with disappointment and a bit of despair and dread.  When I use the word work, when it applies to me I go into resistance within the point that I start participating in backchat about if ‘I really need to do the work or if there is anything else that I can do instead’.  When I use the word work and it applies to someone else, as if I am telling someone else to do some work, there is a dual sense of superiority that I have and also a sense of relunctance wherein I feel ‘bad’ about subjecting someone to this kind of misery.

So, overall I have a negative charge / relationship associated with using the word work as well as a dual negative and positive relationship with using the word work when telling someone to do some work (for me, etc).

Dictionary Definition:

work

  noun

1. Exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.

2. Something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking.

3. Productive or operative activity.

4. Employment, as in some form of industry, especially as a means of earning one's livelihood

5. One's place of employment.

6. Materials, things, etc., on which one is working or is to work. (– Interesting…)

7. The result of exertion, labor, or activity; a deed or performance.

8. A product of exertion, labor, or activity.

So, there is actually far more definitions for the word work that I can list here, but that could take up additional pages and I think it is best to stop here.  These definitions are enough for now, as these 8 definitions and applications of the word ‘work’ pretty much cover it as far as I am concerned.

More thoughts on the definition of the word ‘work’:

Inherent in these definitions of the word work, is the point that there is something that one needs or wants to achieve or have and work is the means to make it happen.  Thus, work is ‘in the way’ of the desired outcome or material goods.  Work is the point between desires, wants, and needs and actual possession of these things.  Work is the barrier.  Work is the tribulation one must pass through to get the prize.  Work is the dirty work that needs to be done so that one can have the money, shelter and basic needs, the sex, the possessions, the energy, the dignity, the respect, and the security to live and be here comfortably on this planet.

Sounding of the word ‘work’:

Sounds Identified:

·       We’re OK

·       We were Ok

·       We’re crushed (wherein the K is a harsh sounding at the end of We are…)

·       Worr(y) (the result of dropping the K.  Almost as if - if there is no ‘K’ in work, then one must worry as a consequence as nothing will get done without the harshness of the ending in the sounding of the letter K).

I will pick up tomorrow with the creative writing phase, self-forgiveness, and corrective statements on the word ‘work’.

Day 215 – Corrective Statement on Work

When and as I see myself reacting to the idea of work or the thought of going to work with resistance and anxiety, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to react to ideas of realities of having to do something that I have defined as work because I see, realize, and understand that this resistance and anxiety is entirely self-created and therefore not a real equal and one approach to doing that what needs to be done.  Thus, I commit myself to remain here and breathe through the reactions of anxiety and resistance until I am clear.  From here I commit myself to apply myself to the best of my abilities no matter what the activity that I participate in.

When and as I see myself going into to an energetic possession of resistance to work where my mind races and tries to think of something else to do or that needs to be done that I would ‘enjoy’ more, I stop and I breathe and remind myself that I am here and that I simply must do what needs to be done and that reacting to it will not assist me in anyway and is also of the mind.  Thus, I commit myself to move myself within and as the breathe, stopping all thoughts, reactions, and resistances to work throughout the process of working and applying myself within the application of work.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to work because of stepping into the expectation and idea characters within the thought / idea that ‘I should not have to work when I am at home’ or while at work ‘I should not have to work so hard to just survive’, I stop and I breathe.   I do not accept and allow this bullshit to exist within and as me.  I see, realize, and understand that working is something that needs to be done in this existence as it exists now in its current manifestation and that going into resistance will not change that.  I see, realize, and understand that ultimately everything is boiled down to different applications of moving my body and my mind in a way to produce certain results and outcomes.  Thus, work, is no different than any other activity except within and as my relationship to it and how I have defined that what I do in relationship to myself and how I have defined myself and charged and polarized everything as positive and negative.

Thus, I commit myself to redefine the word work and stopping the negative polarity charge to the word work.

I commit myself to stop the idea and expectation characters by stopping the idea and expectation that ‘I should not have to work while at home or to survive’ by immediately breathing and clearing my mind / stopping these thoughts when and as I see them come up.

From there, I commit myself to move myself clear of any characters or reactions positive or negative while at work and working until I am done.

 

Day 214 – More SF on Work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself an energetic charge around the word ‘work’ and also anything that I have defined as ‘work’ wherein upon hearing the word ‘work’ or coming to a realization that I will have to go to work – this triggers the activation of resistance to work, anxiety to a certain degree, and all kinds of backchat about how I wish I did not have to ‘work’ all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed at work and while working wherein my breathing becomes more intense, my shoulders are held tight, and I don’t accept and allow myself to ‘relax’ until work is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tense and slightly stressed when and as I am doing anything that I have defined as ‘work’ throughout the entire process of getting the ‘work’ done until it is finished and only then I can ‘relax’.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am setting myself up for an emotional swing to the other side where when my work is done, all I want to do is the complete opposite of work thus creating resistance to anything and everything that remotely resembles work.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself equalize myself with the word work and all that I have defined as work wherein I come to the realization that everything that I have defined as work are simple things that need to be done to ensure my survival and self-responsibilites being done and that in reality, if you boil it down to its essence, its just me moving around in my body in a certain application that I have created a ‘negative’ relationship to based upon who I have defined this activity in separation of myself as the physical, of life.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply be here at all times within and as the breath, as the physical – simply moving myself in a way that is required to survive and also thrive in this existence as it is now where there is no reaction, either positive or negative driving me or moving me. 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain here, stable and constant, one and equal within and as the ‘work’ that I do – as it is me, as all is me.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist myself within and as the work that needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and be directed by memories of my childhood where my father would tell me ‘boys, we have work to do’ and that work would last seemingly forever and take up all my play time – and within that, as a child, I learned to hate and resist work unto this very day – I have been living my memories and honoring my commitment to myself to resist work at all costs because of the negative reactions to it that I had as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and be directed by memories of my childhood where I experienced my life as ‘fun’ only when I was able to play and do what I wanted to do in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed at work wherein I do not know where to begin in order to be most effective and at the same time I am rushed and stressed to get the work done as fast as possible to ensure that I can have fun again as soon as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the way that I have defined myself in relation to work when I was a child reacting to my father telling me he had work for me to do – where I would go into all kinds of resistances and through fits and complain and then think about ‘how I hate to work.’  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘honor’ my childhood in a way by not ever changing or stopping the beliefs and opinions that I formed as a child that are not of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in internal conversation about ‘how I don’t want to work or wish I did not have to work’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who also work but make much more money than me then within that comparison give up as if work is not worth my time if I cannot make as much money as others who actually make billions of dollars with even less effort than what I put in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge work as slavery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that slavery already exists within and as me as my mind as I am already a slave to the mind.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my ‘resistance’ towards what I have defined as work only exists in the mind and that I am thus really in fact a slave to the mind and not really the work that I have to do to survive.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself that I can escape slavery by not having to work and resisting anything that is defined as work – as if I am free if I do not work, which is completely not the case as I am already a slave to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all judgments, resistances, and reactions to work are of the mind and that the slavery that exists is not in my relationship to work, but rather in my relationship to the mind which perpetually exists independent of whether or not I am actually doing any work.

 

 

Day 213 – Self-Forgiveness on Work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resistance to the word ‘work’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as ‘tedious bullshit that needs to be done’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that work requires me to be stressed out to a certain extent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stress while working is normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the memories of my childhood wherein as a child whenever my parents uttered the word work I would cringe in fear and anticipation of an endless deluge of assignments, tasks, and chores that I would have to execute.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past, as memories of doing endless chores defined as ‘work’ by my parents and myself, where now in the present I react to anything called ‘work’ with resistance, fear, and stress just like I did as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my initial reactions and experience of doing chores, tasks, assignments which were defined as ‘work’ – that these initial experiences as a child are not physically in-fact real experiences, but rather they are and were my mind-consciousness system’s reactions and interpretations that I assumed to be real and to be of me and then am living these interpretations and reactions to ‘work’ unto this day based upon the memories that I stored of this as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define anything that is not ‘playing’ as ‘work.  Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the work ‘play’ as positive / good, and the word ‘work’ as negative / bad in separation of myself as these words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be drawn and attracted to things that I have defined as ‘play’ or ‘leisure’ because I have charged these words with a positive energy / experience.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be repulsed and to resist anything that I have defined as ‘work’ because I have defined ‘work’ as negative / bad experience.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have been fucking with myself by placing positive and negative charges upon words and then reacting to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with work / my job, wherein I experience a form of intimidation towards all the tasks that need to be done in a certain amount of time and thus instead of sitting down and getting through it all in a systematic fashion, I instead become scattered and not quite as effective as I could be if I were to remain here and direct myself as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the physical activities that I do within my application of ‘working’ is any different fundamentally than anything else that I do.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is not what I do that matters, but it is how I interpret and react to what I do.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by judging, reacting, defining, and then going into resistances to what it is that needs to be done is a complete mind-fuck.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to live the reality that all physical activity is equal from the point that it is simply me moving my body to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I sit at the computer to ‘work’ that I have resistance to working at the computer, and that when I sit at the computer to ‘play’ I have the opposite experience while at the computer.  Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive and negative reactions to what I do based upon merely how I have defined it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going to my job-work within the point that I have defined it as a form of slavery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back-chat like ‘I don’t want to work today’, ‘if only I did not have to work’; ‘I don’t get paid enough money so why even do this shit.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself with all kinds of thoughts about work to a point wherein I react with resistance towards working.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply breathe, stop my mind, stop my reactions, and then move myself to get what I need to get done systematically where I go through the list one-by-one until everything is taken care of with not reactions, no back-chat, no resistances.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by defining ‘work’ as bad / negative / grueling / tedious / slavery that I am thus creating a ‘negative’ experience that I have to thus ‘push’ through in order to get things done that then accumulates to a point where I HAVE to do something that I have defined as in the positive / fun so that I can ‘let go and let it all out’.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I cannot do anything but the most ‘fun’ / most release / most entertaining thing possible.  Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to the highs of ‘playing and having fun or relaxing’ and the lows of working wherein I resist work but to it because ‘I have to’ and then when it is over all I can do is something that is totally ‘fun’ so that I can balance out the negative experience of working – I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this need to have fun and relax is created by my participation in the ideas and beliefs that I hold towards work – thus I am limited to negative and positive reactions to things that I do of which I only do things that I either have to do or have a ‘positive’ relationship towards.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this resistance to work creates stress within and as me while I am at work that then needs to be released at some point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a state of stress within and as myself as a reaction and consequence towards my defining work as bad / negative due my living within and as the memories of my childhood, where this all began, and then within that negative state while working I create the experience of stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to rush through what it is that I need to get done at work so that I can go back to the positive experience of self – thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a stressed personality where in I push myself to move as fast as I can to get through what I have to get through.

To be continued…

 

Day 212 – Work

So, I’ve been looking at my relationship to work and have been seeing that it is generating stress within and as me.  The stress is subtle, but it is there.  So, it has been easy to overlook and even suppress. 

What I am seeing, when I look at it, is that the very act of going to work initiates fear, resistance, and also back-chat regarding what I need to get done, how I am going to go about it, that I don’t particularly ‘enjoy’ it, and that I am not sure where to start all the time – should I do this?  Or would it be more effective if I do that?  I also have this tension when at work like as if a form of protection while I go through the agony of going to work.  Nothing that I face of this system is too extensive where it is like in my conscious mind all the time.  Rather, it is there in the background and easy to miss and overlook and suppress.   Just the word ‘work’ evokes this work personality system to activate within and as me. 

So, like I go to work and then the subtle work personality activates wherein I am like a little stressed and a little tensed already before anything really even happens.  Then I have all these things that I need to get done and it is stressful just picking out what I should do first and what would be most effective.  Then as the day goes by, I get frustrated at little things and people who ‘get in my way’ of getting things done most effectively – yet, I waste a lot of time also doing little things here and there / taking breaks, etc – all to alleviate this subtle stress / tension and also to ‘escape’ from the drooling work that I have to do – day in and day out – the same fucking thing everyday of my life until I day because I can’t even save money to get ahead!

Yet, from a practical standpoint, my work actually, fortunately, is quite easy on a physical level and even on a mental level.  All I have to do is some easy mental and physical tasks, the same things over and over again – and voila – money appears in my bank account.  Now, it’s not much money, but it gets me by; and the work is boring and repetitive and unfulfilling overall (at times it can be very fulfilling however), but the work is easy in and of itself.  So, from a practical standpoint, I should just go to work, get what I need to get done in the most effective manner as to assure maximum income potential and then go home and that is it.  No stress, no tension, no battling required to get this done.  I just do it and that is it. 

Moreover, really when one considers it, all work is exactly the same.  Work is just something that needs to be done in order to obtain money, or ‘order’ within the point of keeping clean, organized, etc, or to assist someone.  There should be no reaction in this.  It’s all the same and it is the majority of what needs to be done. 

So, why not just wake up and get what needs to be done, done with no reactions and no resistance?  I often think to myself that ‘it would be so cool if my reaction to work were the same as it is to just sitting around and relaxing’ – in that in the end, everything is just me doing something and so long as that something that I am doing is not physically excruciating and uncomfortable, then what is the fucking problem?  Why not just live and do what is required and get it done and also within that be able to be here and stable and constant in that I am the same person no matter what I am doing?  I mean, I have thought many times that it would be so cool if going to work was the same internal experience as it is going to the store on the weekend, right?  Wouldn’t that be cool?  Like I just go to work.  No big deal.  I am totally cool - totally calm and relaxed just as if I were going to a cool store on the weekend.  I mean, after all, its just different physical activities with different names.  One is called work.  And the other is called play.  But both require me to move my physical body and apply my mind in slightly different ways but overall not to any real significance, really.  I mean, I get up and put my clothes on and walk to work and sit and walk while at work just like if I were going to the store or sitting around reading, working in the garage on my hobbies, etc.  It’s all just the same shit with a different name.  Is it not?

So, I guess I probably also has a resistance to the word ‘work’.  I have had so since I was a kid.  I can remember when my parents told me they had ‘work’ for me to do that I would become all disappointed, stressed out to a certain extent, and would try to avoid it at all costs.  Yet, what did I do in the end?  I picked some shit around the house, organized some things, wiped some countertops off and stuff like that and in the end it was just me moving my physical body around getting things done just like I would have done if I were off playing somewhere.

So, really, there is no work and there is no play.  Everything is just a physical application.  That is it.  The stress, the pleasure, the emotions and feelings that arise within the activities that one does are based upon how one defines those activities and defines self within those activities.   Some people LOVE work.  They work all the time.  There work is there relaxation.  So, why is this?  Because their work is soooo coooool?  Who knows, but regardless, reacting to things that need to be done because one has labeled what needs to be done as something like ‘work’ is a pointless, fruitless exercise of separation from what is here and is not necessary and also creates experiences both positive and negative that are not real, not of the physical here – but of the mind as energy.

So, over the next so many writings, I will be doing self forgiveness on work, I will probably redefine the word work, and walking self-commitments so that I can change my relationship to work so that work becomes just another thing that I do to ensure my survival and self-responsibility within this system as it exists now both to self and to others – where there is no reactions and resistances that cause stress and tensions any longer within and as me – where when I go to work, I am clear and it is just another activity that is required to do.  Just like going to the bathroom.  I need to go the bathroom in order to take care of my body.  I don’t go into stress and tension while I go to the bathroom because fortunately, LOL, I have not labeled that as work!

To be continued…

 

211 – SF on the topic of the ‘idea’ of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from the starting point of the idea of myself / of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a ‘survivor’ – where I survive / I do what is needed to survive no matter what I face.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘someone who cares about this environment planet and others’ in separation from myself as who I actually am within and as my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I look good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself from the starting point of my experience of myself rather than from the starting point of self-honesty and self-awareness wherein I simply acknowledge who I am within what I am actually in-fact living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘shy’ from because of my experience of being intimidated to talk to new people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that being shy meant that I was something special or different than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that I am shy because I am more intelligent and thoughtful than others.  Within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I created this belief, in separation of myself, as way to support my existence as an ego / to create a positive experience of myself to counteract the negative experience that I already had of myself which caused the ‘shyness’ in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my shyness is, really in-fact, rooted in an overall experience of fear and feeling less than others / inferior to others -thus feeling bad about myself in secret / as a suppressed experience; and that within that, I created the idea of myself and justification of my ‘shyness’ in that I am this ‘superior being of special-ness and high-intelligence’ as an explanation for my condition of shyness so that I can cover up and hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief and idea of myself that I am a good person and that therefore I am not responsible for the suffering on this planet when in actuality I am doing everything on this planet both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ through my continued participation in my mind and the alternate reality of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions of anger, anxiety, nervousness, stress, fear, frustration, and spite because these emotions do not fit into the idea of myself.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that holding an idea of myself and then suppressing everything that I see within myself that does not match the idea of myself is not going to bring about the idea of myself into a living reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself that I am considerate of others because that image / idea of myself makes me feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself so that I can feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based upon my experience of self and also my ideas of who I really want to be – all in separation from what is here as myself in-fact / as who I really am living as.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that who I am as the physical, as breath, of life is the totality of what is here already within and as how what is here is existing.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all I have to do to see who I am living as is observe this reality as it is in absolute self-honesty.  Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself as what is here as war, starvation, rape, murder, and all forms of abuse towards man, animal, and the planet within and as the pictures of who I am as ideas and believes that exists in my mind in separation from what is actually here as me.  

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if the idea of myself as ‘good’ were really ‘true’ then that would be reflected in a world where non-suffered and all lived a dignified life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that until this world is a world that is best for all, that I have not lived and realized myself as ‘good’ and that my ideas and definitions of self are not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in separation from what is here in this physical reality as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on my experience of myself within and as the energies of feelings and emotions – wherein I define myself within the positive and negative polarities of the mind that are not even within the point that polarity is of energy, energy requires substance to support its existence and thus ends when there is no more resources available.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am energy and the experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not obtain energy / the experience of energy which is the experience of emotions and feelings – that I am not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defined myself / my existence on energy and my experience of energy as the mind in separation of myself as the physical source of energy.
I commit myself to live here as the physical, as the breath, of life – undefined wherein I see, realize, and understand that everything that is here is manifested of me and my starting point of living as an idea of myself.  Thus, I commit myself to live here and see myself for what I am - which is reflected in everything that is here both within my internal experience and without which is this reality as a whole; and within that move myself into the living reality of what is here of no definition, no ideas or beliefs of self – just simply living here as the physical, as breath, where I end my existence as a mind so that I can manifest a world that is best for all, which will only be the real me when and as this reality changes to reflect this as physical fact.

210 – The Idea of Myself vs. The Reality of Myself

I’ve been looking at this point of the ‘idea of myself vs. the reality of myself’ and although I am pretty sure that I walk more within the idea of myself rather than the reality of myself I am not sure how to quantify that experience.  So, I ask myself ‘who is it that I believe that I am?  Who do I see myself as?  Who do I present myself as to others?  What are my intentions?’

What I am right now is in a state of change and therefore I do see, realize, and understand that there are many ideas of myself / there are many ways that I have defined myself that as soon as I see these points I stop because I see these ideas are all just self-serving and are not actual in-fact reality.  However, I do see, realize, and understand that every breath that I miss is a point in time where I go into the idea of myself – as who I want myself to be or who I want to present myself as to get what I want, need, and desire.  By missing a breath, I mean, that point in time where I am not here and instead within and as the personalities and characters that are already pre-programmed within and as my mind that activate when I react to something that acts as a trigger in my mind.

For instance, I within the idea of myself, see myself as a peace-loving guy who just wants the best for others.  Yet, when someone does something to me that either directly or indirectly threatens my comfort / my existence then what happens?  Well, then the protect me from harm personality / character activates within my mind where I begin to backchat about all the problems with the other person in relation to this point and how my position is justified, etc.  And what is that?  War.  The outward manifestation of that is war.  The opposite of peace.

Another point would be like “I considered myself to at one time be the voice of the animals and to really love the animals” because I refrained from eating meat.  Yet, one day I realized that my avoidance of eating meat was actually doing nothing to protect the animals because their suffering actually had nothing to do with my avoidance of eating meat.  It actually had to do with something much more deeply ingrained within and as me.  I realized that the animal abuse, such as within corporate farming practices, is an outward manifestation of something that I am doing always within and as myself – and that is participating within my own mind and living as the mind wherein the mind always requires energy and thus the energy is harvested / resourced from my physical body in a highly disregarding way where my physical body is in essence tortured, raped, abused, and eventually even murdered by my mind and its abusive domineering relationship to the body equal and one to the animal abuse in this system-  Wherein, I realized, that the animal abuse is just there to show me what I am already doing to myself.

I used to, at one time, think that I was ‘good’ because I believed in God and did what is ‘right’ until I realized that my belief in god actually, in-fact, supports everything that is ‘wrong’ within this reality such as war, rape, murder, torture, starvation, etc.  How is this so?  Well, because within believing in a God who is good, one is giving one’s self-responsibility away to this god to be good for them thus what is left?  The evil.  That means that one then lives the evil as self.  Why else would one need a good god if on is not already evil and living as such?  Within that point, I once believed that I must be good since I believe in god and do not commit such evil crimes, right?  No, I commit all the crimes and all the evil that is here on this planet through my abdication of self-responsibility to stand as what is best for all in every breath, which is facilitated through my belief in a god who is good. 

You see, within the principle of equality and oneness, one is already doing everything that exists on this planet no matter ones’ position within it because one is in-fact equal and one with everything that is here.  You see, equality and oneness is a physical fact.  We are all of the same substance and substance is just actually a bunch of molecules taking different forms.  Try to imagine a blanket that has been spread across a bed and then one takes certain points of that blanket and wades them up at those points to make different forms.  Would you actually think that because there are different forms created within that very same blanket that each form is a separate manifestation from the blanket and each other form?  NO.  The same with what is here.  Moreover, if the blanket needed washing, would you only wash part of the blanket?  No, you would was the entire blanket.

So, this planet needs washing.  Everything being needs to be healed.  Every being needs to be taken care of within the point of needed basic requirements to live a dignified life.  Thus, we are all one and the same and one an equal within that point.  Thus, we are equal and one with what is here, right not in this physical existence.  Thus, there is no escaping responsibility for every single form of abuse that is here on this planet no matter what your beliefs are or your ideas of yourself are.

So, don’t be confused.  Equality and Oneness is not something ‘positive’ such as new age religious belief.  Rather, equality and oneness is the physical fact of the matter and is the reason why we are all to ‘blame’ for what is here no matter if we are directly participating in it or not – because we are participating in it within and as the relationship that we have created ourselves between our mind and our body.  The body is the physical which is the substance and, as of now, is dominated and abused by the mind / by the energy of the mind – which is represented as the money within this system which we destroy the planet and abuse life in order to create our ‘needed’ and ‘desired’ money.

So, what is our idea of ourselves.  Is it one with what is actually happening here on this planet?  Is my idea of myself equal and one with how I live and exist within and as my own mind in relationship to my physical body which is reflected within man’s / the minds relationship with this planet?  Or is the idea of myself a pretty picture that exists within and as pictures within my mind so that I do not have to face myself as everything here?
Thus, I commit myself to always be pushing the envelope of what is the real me so that I can end the idea of me.

Day 209 – Standing as the physical

Today’s writing is just a note to self to remind self to always stand as the physical, as the breath, of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand as the mind in separation from what is here as me as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the illusion of separation that is generated by my standing as the mind as energy in the illusion of good / bad, right / wrong, and positive, negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in separation of me as them.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am always judging myself / a point within self when and as I judge others and that it is only within the illusion of separation that I do not see this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted allowed myself to believe that anything that exists can really be separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everything that is here is of my creation and is showing me the outflow of consequence of my existing as I have been within the point of seeking energy / the experience of energy and looking outside self for the ‘answers’

I forgive myself that I have neglected my role as creator / co-creator of this existence as it is in its entirety by not taking the self-responsibility to walk my life as the physical as all as one as equal, but instead I have chosen to walk my life /my awareness in separation form what is here by pursuing energy and the experience of energy and the defining myself within my experience of energy as if the energy is what is real – neglecting the point that energy derives from the physical, which is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted what is here as ‘real’ as if it exists outside of me and regardless of who I am and what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this very physical reality is a reflection of what I accept and allow.

I commit myself to stand as the physical, where I see, realize, and understand that everything that is here in existence is in fact me and caused and created by me and who I am have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.  Thus I commit myself to stand as the physical, as the breath, of life by slowing myself down and investigating everything that I have taken for granted as ‘real’ in separation of myself- and then correcting it so that I can stand as all as one as equal, of life where I am no longer directed by energy and no longer see myself as separate from all that is here

Day 208 - Who am I within Stress?

Who am I within Stress?  Do I need to be stressed out?  Does stress serve a purpose?  No, I can get what I need to have done without being stressed out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stressed out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stressed / stressed- out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be moved by stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that 'if I am not stressed, then things might not get done/"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that 'if I do not react to a situation in stress, then I might not be able to effectively solve or address the situation."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need the energy of stress to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as stressful.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe being stressed out is normal and customary when working or doing a job for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the earning of money to stress - wherein I believe that being stressed at work is necessary to remain vigilant to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself a personality system of being stressed wherein I go to work as stressed-out as my stressed personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a repetitive internal dialogue / backchat where I theorize about what might happen.  Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have react in fear to this backchat.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by fear of what might happen which causes an experience of stress / of being stressed throughout the day.

When and as I see myself reacting in stress and fear to my backchat about what might happen to me if this or that does not get done while at work, I stop and I breathe.  I see, realize, and understand that this is not necessary for me to take action and complete my work in a satisfactory way.

Thus, I commit myself to slow down and breathe before moving myself when and as I see stress and fear reactions coming up.  I commit myself to stop moving myself from the starting point of fear and stress by instead breathing until I am clear, before moving, and then assessing what needs to be done in practicality and then moving myself breath by breath until my work / tasks are done.

Day 207 - I am the Mind, I eat Meat

Someone who has walked with Bernard once said to me that Bernard said that 'it is the mind that needs meet, not the physical'.  Now I am not sure if he actually said that, but I would surmise that be probably did as that is in alignment with how I understand things.  However, there is another thing that Bernard said that one must consider, and that is: 'before one can change, one must embrace self for what self has accepted and allowed self to be and become - and change from there."  Now those aren't  his exact words, but they were something to that nature, nonetheless.

So, let's have a look at the mind.  The mind requires energy to generate, charge, and fuel thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, characters, thought patterns, and the illusion of polarities of right and wrong and good and bad, and also the illusion of separation.  The energy that is required to fuel and charge the mind comes from where?  Answer: The human physical body.  You see, the mind is amazingly advanced inter-dimensional computer system  / program that is complex and sophisticated that it has networks in place that tap into the energy released from the very atom itself, according to the Owl interview on Eqafe.  These resourcing of energy to support the mind comes from the human physical body and the net affect is a constant, unrelenting excavation o/ diminishment of the physical body wherein the substance of the physical body is converted to energy.  Because the mind is busy excavating the physical body, the physical body requires to be substantiated / replenished equally as fast.  Thus, the consumption of meat is necessary to substantiate and rebuild the body that is diminished from the mind's resourcing of energy from it.

 

 

Now, let's look at 'who am I now?  What have I allowed myself to be and become? What am I existing as, the physical or the mind? - the answer is that, within the point  of fully embracing myself for what and who I am at this very moment - I am, in-fact, the mind.  I have merged with the mind to such an extent that if I die today, my mind dies as the physical will no longer be here to support the mind - and since I am the mind, I will likely die with it. 

Furthermore, I am not only the mind, but I am equal and one with all of the outflow of consequences that result from my existing as the mind - which are represented right here in the physical reality in every single thing that exists on this planet, and beyond, in this very moment - both the 'good' and the 'bad' is showing me the folly of my ways, the folly of accepting and allowing myself to exist as the mind and merge within and as the mind.  And there is NO position that I can take that will relinquish me from my personal responsibility for all that is here, as me; NOR is there anything that I can do to actually solve the 'problems' of what is here except one thing - transcend the mind.

So, because I am embracing myself as the mind, as that is what and who I am at this very moment, I see, realize, and understand that I must support my physical body in the way that it needs to be supported while I walk through the transcendence of my mind which will take many years, if not decades.  And while I am walking the solution, of transcending the mind, I will do myself NO good by denying myself what I need as the mind to support the physical.

That is why I eat meat.  I eat meat because meat supports my physical body to substantiate itself due to the constant excavation and diminishment that it goes through while I exist in it as the mind.  Now, notice I said "my" physical body.  While I would imagine that this is true for all humans as we are all enslaved to the mind, I cannot speak for all humans because I do not live in each one's body.  Each one has a specific mind-body relationship and thus I cannot say that everyone needs meat to support the mind.  This is only something that one can answer for one's-self within being self honest within the one's relationship with the body.  Listen to your body from a practical, verifiable starting point and not a belief system, in other words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me as the mind, by creating within and as myself the belief that somehow 'I am not the mind just because I can see through the illusion of the mind."

I forgive myself that I not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that just because I can see that I do not have to exist as the mind and that I originally once was not the mind, in my original being-ness, that that does not mean that I am not the mind now.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that in reality, through my acceptance of the mind as me over the course of my life, and my many lives, I have merged with the mind and become the mind to such an extend that if I were to die today, I would have a very small chance of being able to survive death- because since I am the mind, I die with the mind at death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can escape culpability from the atrocities in this world by simply not participating in them or supporting them.  I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that no matter my outward actions, I am always participating in all things of this world as it exists now so long as I exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because I experience that need for meat within the point that it satiates me and substantiates my physical body, that therefore my personal experience is what everyone is also experiencing.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself  to see, realize, and understand that each one has their own specific mind-body relationship and therefore their own eating requirements and thus I cannot project my experience onto them.

I commit myself to stand and transcend the mind.

I commit myself to embrace myself as the mind, because that is what I am now, and from that starting point, I commit myself to walk out of the mind and also support my physical body the way that it needs to while I am still transcending the mind and beyond that point as well.