Day 206 – The Need to Be Seen By Others as ‘Right’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a fear reaction to the trigger of when and as the moment occurs when engaged in an argument of debate that the other / opponent appears to be right within the words he /she is speaking or typing.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, or understand that the my fear reaction does not have anything to do with whether or not the other person / opponent is actually right or not – but that my fear reaction occurs at the moment that it appears as the other is right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my personality to that of highly competitive as a reaction to the fear reaction to when and as I see that another appears to be right or wining a debate or argument.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea that another might think he or she is correct when he or she may or may not be correct, in-fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea that someone might think that he or she is smarter, better, or superior to me in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea that I might be inferior to others in some way.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and spite towards others that appear to be right or superior to me, within and as my own perception and regardless of what the facts actually are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘being right’ to survival – as if, if I am shown to be ‘wrong’ then that shows that I am un-fit for survival.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not considered the obsurdity of such a thought within the point that obviously when one is wrong about something, that does not mean that one is not fit for life nor does it mean that one does not deserve life because if that were true then almost all here would be ‘unfit’ for survival within the point that all are wrong at times about shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words of others within acting out, talking back, and trying to find ways to prove my worth / my intelligence when and as their words threaten me within the point that I perceive that either I am ‘wrong’ or that that perceive that ‘I am wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and force my viewpoint on others within the point of trying to get others to acknowledge my ‘rightness’ by repeating myself and forcing my viewpoints on other until I hear them say ‘ah, yes, I see your point – you are indeed right!” – which rarely if ever occurs!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unfit for life or unfit for existence within this current economic and social system.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that as a consequence to my self-judgment that I am unfit for life or unfit for existence within and as this current economic system – that I am now seeking / desiring validation from the external world within and as the manifestation of ‘winning’ arguments and pointless debates.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this external validation is an energetic high / experience that only lasts for so long and in-fact does nothing to fix or solve the real issues at hand which are that I have already judged myself in the way that I fear others may be judging me.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cast judgment on myself, others, and anything and everything – because I see, realize, and understand that judgments are not real; what is real is what is here that can be mathematically accounted for through observation, common sense, and simple math.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the simple math of it all is that – we are all indeed of the same substance, have the same physical needs, and share this planet equally – thus the common sense is that we are all equally deserving of life and survival no matter who or what we are.

When and as I see myself reacting in fear towards when someone appears to be right and I am wrong, I stop and I breathe because I see, realize, and understand that this fear reaction does nothing change anyone’s perception and that it is based on an idea that is not actually real in fact.  I see, realize, and understand that we are all equals and that we are all equally confused about certain points until when and as we individually perfect ourselves at which time we will know all things.

Thus, I commit myself to remain here and breathe through the fear reactions towards hearing, reading words that sound as if another perceives me as wrong or that I am actually wrong.

I commit myself to only respond to the other when and as I am stable through breathing wherein I can actually have a conversation with the other that is equal and one.
 

When and as I see myself reacting in anger and frustration to the trigger of hearing or seeing words that appear to prove me wrong, where I am then tempted / have created the desire within and as myself to ‘retaliate’ in some way, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to become angry and frustrated and then retaliate because I see, realize, and understand that this emotional energy does no good whatsoever and only further separates myself from others thus creating more polarity, more right and wrong - which is the problem in the first place.