I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define work as ‘tedious bullshit that needs to be done’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that work requires me to be stressed out to a certain extent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that stress while working is normal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
live the memories of my childhood wherein as a child whenever my parents
uttered the word work I would cringe in fear and anticipation of an endless
deluge of assignments, tasks, and chores that I would have to execute.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
live in the past, as memories of doing endless chores defined as ‘work’ by my
parents and myself, where now in the present I react to anything called ‘work’
with resistance, fear, and stress just like I did as a child.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that my initial reactions and experience of doing chores, tasks,
assignments which were defined as ‘work’ – that these initial experiences as a
child are not physically in-fact real experiences, but rather they are and were
my mind-consciousness system’s reactions and interpretations that I assumed to be
real and to be of me and then am living these interpretations and reactions to
‘work’ unto this day based upon the memories that I stored of this as a child.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define anything that is not ‘playing’ as ‘work. Within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to charge the work ‘play’ as positive / good, and the word ‘work’ as
negative / bad in separation of myself as these words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
be drawn and attracted to things that I have defined as ‘play’ or ‘leisure’
because I have charged these words with a positive energy / experience. Within this, I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to be repulsed and to resist anything that I have
defined as ‘work’ because I have defined ‘work’ as negative / bad experience.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that I have been fucking with myself by placing
positive and negative charges upon words and then reacting to them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
become overwhelmed with work / my job, wherein I experience a form of
intimidation towards all the tasks that need to be done in a certain amount of
time and thus instead of sitting down and getting through it all in a
systematic fashion, I instead become scattered and not quite as effective as I
could be if I were to remain here and direct myself as the breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that the physical activities that I do within my application of
‘working’ is any different fundamentally than anything else that I do. Within this, I forgive myself that I have
not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is not what I do
that matters, but it is how I interpret and react to what I do.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that by judging, reacting, defining, and then going
into resistances to what it is that needs to be done is a complete
mind-fuck. Within this, I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to live the reality that all physical
activity is equal from the point that it is simply me moving my body to get things
done.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that when I sit at the computer to ‘work’ that I have
resistance to working at the computer, and that when I sit at the computer to
‘play’ I have the opposite experience while at the computer. Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to create positive and negative reactions to
what I do based upon merely how I have defined it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
resist going to my job-work within the point that I have defined it as a form
of slavery.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in back-chat like ‘I don’t want to work today’, ‘if only I did not
have to work’; ‘I don’t get paid enough money so why even do this shit.’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
program myself with all kinds of thoughts about work to a point wherein I react
with resistance towards working.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply
breathe, stop my mind, stop my reactions, and then move myself to get what I
need to get done systematically where I go through the list one-by-one until
everything is taken care of with not reactions, no back-chat, no resistances.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that by defining ‘work’ as bad / negative / grueling /
tedious / slavery that I am thus creating a ‘negative’ experience that I have
to thus ‘push’ through in order to get things done that then accumulates to a point
where I HAVE to do something that I have defined as in the positive / fun so
that I can ‘let go and let it all out’.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that I cannot do anything but the most ‘fun’ / most
release / most entertaining thing possible.
Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to limit myself to the highs of ‘playing and having fun or relaxing’ and
the lows of working wherein I resist work but to it because ‘I have to’ and
then when it is over all I can do is something that is totally ‘fun’ so that I
can balance out the negative experience of working – I forgive myself that I
have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this need to have
fun and relax is created by my participation in the ideas and beliefs that I
hold towards work – thus I am limited to negative and positive reactions to
things that I do of which I only do things that I either have to do or have a
‘positive’ relationship towards.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that this resistance to work creates stress within and
as me while I am at work that then needs to be released at some point.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
create a state of stress within and as myself as a reaction and consequence
towards my defining work as bad / negative due my living within and as the
memories of my childhood, where this all began, and then within that negative
state while working I create the experience of stress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
try to rush through what it is that I need to get done at work so that I can go
back to the positive experience of self – thus within this, I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a stressed personality where
in I push myself to move as fast as I can to get through what I have to get
through.
To be continued…
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