Thursday, August 21, 2014

Day 214 – More SF on Work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself an energetic charge around the word ‘work’ and also anything that I have defined as ‘work’ wherein upon hearing the word ‘work’ or coming to a realization that I will have to go to work – this triggers the activation of resistance to work, anxiety to a certain degree, and all kinds of backchat about how I wish I did not have to ‘work’ all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed at work and while working wherein my breathing becomes more intense, my shoulders are held tight, and I don’t accept and allow myself to ‘relax’ until work is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tense and slightly stressed when and as I am doing anything that I have defined as ‘work’ throughout the entire process of getting the ‘work’ done until it is finished and only then I can ‘relax’.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am setting myself up for an emotional swing to the other side where when my work is done, all I want to do is the complete opposite of work thus creating resistance to anything and everything that remotely resembles work.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself equalize myself with the word work and all that I have defined as work wherein I come to the realization that everything that I have defined as work are simple things that need to be done to ensure my survival and self-responsibilites being done and that in reality, if you boil it down to its essence, its just me moving around in my body in a certain application that I have created a ‘negative’ relationship to based upon who I have defined this activity in separation of myself as the physical, of life.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply be here at all times within and as the breath, as the physical – simply moving myself in a way that is required to survive and also thrive in this existence as it is now where there is no reaction, either positive or negative driving me or moving me. 

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to remain here, stable and constant, one and equal within and as the ‘work’ that I do – as it is me, as all is me.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist myself within and as the work that needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and be directed by memories of my childhood where my father would tell me ‘boys, we have work to do’ and that work would last seemingly forever and take up all my play time – and within that, as a child, I learned to hate and resist work unto this very day – I have been living my memories and honoring my commitment to myself to resist work at all costs because of the negative reactions to it that I had as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold and be directed by memories of my childhood where I experienced my life as ‘fun’ only when I was able to play and do what I wanted to do in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed at work wherein I do not know where to begin in order to be most effective and at the same time I am rushed and stressed to get the work done as fast as possible to ensure that I can have fun again as soon as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the way that I have defined myself in relation to work when I was a child reacting to my father telling me he had work for me to do – where I would go into all kinds of resistances and through fits and complain and then think about ‘how I hate to work.’  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘honor’ my childhood in a way by not ever changing or stopping the beliefs and opinions that I formed as a child that are not of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in internal conversation about ‘how I don’t want to work or wish I did not have to work’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who also work but make much more money than me then within that comparison give up as if work is not worth my time if I cannot make as much money as others who actually make billions of dollars with even less effort than what I put in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge work as slavery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that slavery already exists within and as me as my mind as I am already a slave to the mind.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my ‘resistance’ towards what I have defined as work only exists in the mind and that I am thus really in fact a slave to the mind and not really the work that I have to do to survive.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself that I can escape slavery by not having to work and resisting anything that is defined as work – as if I am free if I do not work, which is completely not the case as I am already a slave to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all judgments, resistances, and reactions to work are of the mind and that the slavery that exists is not in my relationship to work, but rather in my relationship to the mind which perpetually exists independent of whether or not I am actually doing any work.

 

 

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