Day 383 – Student Loan Debt: Why No Bankruptcy Option?

Recently, the Obama administration urged to bankruptcy option.  Below is a quote and link from the article:

 

“The Obama administration moved to block a bankruptcy court from erasing federal student loan debt, saying such an allowance would jeopardize the fiscal stability of the loan program.U.S. Department of Education attorneys, intervening in the case of a 65-year-old man seeking to erase his student loans in bankruptcy, filed a motion urging the court to stand firm with borrowers who claim they are in a dire financial situation. Attorneys argued that Robert Murphy of Massachusetts, unemployed and of retirement age, has plenty of chances to go back to work or hit the jackpot.No student debtors should get a break unless there is a "certainty of hopelessness" with circumstances that have a "total incapacity" to change, court documents said said…”

 

http://readersupportednews.org/news-section2/318-66/33068-obama-administration-urges-no-bankruptcy-relief-for-student-debt

 

I find this to be unacceptable.  Here’s my take on this:

 

We have been programmed as a society and as individuals to place value in paying off debt.  This needs to be done away with.  Debts should not have to be paid off, period.  Why so?  Because this places the responsibility of due diligence on the lender and not the borrower.  If debts do not have to be paid off, then that is great.  No more lending.  Fine.  That means that inflation would be ended once and for all.  Why do we have inflation?  Through the creation of debt of which brings new money into the system of which pushes prices up.  Had we no debt, there would be no new money to push prices up and thus we would live in a world where everything is drastically less expensive.  College tuitions, in this case, would be virtually free on today’s standards just through the elimination of debt.  And how do we eliminate debt?  Easy, just pass laws that enable borrowers to not have to pay any of the debt back.  Period.  End of story.  Power has now been transferred back to the people and inflation is a thing of the past.

Sounds easy?  Sounds quixotic, perhaps?  Sounds criminal even, right?  I mean, no one has to pay off his or her debts?  What kind of a responsible society passes laws where debts do not have to be repaid, or at least debts only have to be repaid if the borrower has the means of which is at the borrowers discretion, and not the courts?  Seriously, we don’t need bankruptcy laws.  We just need to pass laws the lets borrowers off the hook for repayment of debts at their sole discretion – and bam: Everything changes and power is transferred to the people.

You see, our entire monetary system is founded on debt and the repayment of debt.  No repayment of debt and the whole system comes crashing down, and for good reason.  Do we really need to be straddled in trillions of dollars of debt?  Is this really serving any practical purpose other than to make those who print money to loan wealthy beyond our wildest imaginations? 

We don’t need debt.  We don’t need to be in debt, and once we wake up and realize this and pass laws relinquishing people from having to pay back debt altogether, then we will be in a position to expand ourselves and our society and world from the starting point of actual real physical substance and productivity, because money would then be based on what is physically here and able to be produced with our hands, and not imaginary numbers on a computer screen that we have pay back from our future productivity, as it is now. 

How would we finance college with no debt?  Oh my, this is so hard to imagine for most of us now with our pre-programmed mind-set of “debt is good and necessary”.  But, let's just take a minute to imagine this.  First of all, tuition and basic needs would cost about 1 cent on the dollar based on today’s prices.  That’s right, everything would be about 99% off.  How does that sound?  Don’t believe me?  Just check the value of the US dollar 100 years ago before our central bank experiment began and see for yourself. 

Now, do you think you can manage on 99% off tuition and basic needs?  And if you still need some money, then it would not come in the form of debt, because no one would lend $ if borrowers didn’t have to pay it back, but it would come in the form of grants, gifts, and scholarships from others with money who want to invest it in ways that are best for all and benefit all.  And that’s it.  It’s simple.

And here’s another form of a grant:  A living Income Guarantee.  That’s right.  Because it is best for all for all to have basic needs covered regardless of circumstances- those with money that see this and also understand the Universal LAW of give to receive, will be happy to give.  So, with a Living Income Guarantee, many people would not even go to school in the first place, let alone borrow to go to school. 

We need to get our reality checked.  We need to start realizing how we have limited ourselves by disobeying the Universal Law of “give to receive” and instead traded up with the “curse of debt and growth through debt and inflation”.  We need to start thinking about grants of which come from the wealth of our efforts and ultimately the fruit of our labors with and of the earth, of which we are all made of, that would be freely given to others so that we can all become all that we can be so that we can then give back to all, of which creates a world of giving and receiving – where everyone is wealthy and the idea of debt is a laughable thing of the past back in the days when we are all barbaric crazy fools.  And we need to get away from the antiquated notion that wealth comes through debt and that somehow we are “dead-beats” because we don’t pay off our debts or are unable to pay off our debts of which should have never existed in the first place if we had our priorities straight about what really matters and about how to create real wealth and a world that is best for all.

Day 382 – Stopping Negative Self-Judgments, III

When and as I am conversing with others and any energetic movement occurs in my mind / within and as me as my mind whatsoever, I stop and delete and direct my awareness to my breath, my physical body, and the being / beings that I am in conversation with and their words specifically.  I do not accept and allow any energetic movements to occur within and as me, positive or negative / thoughts or feelings or emotions, whatsoever, because I see, realize, and understand that these energetic movements that occur within and as my mind / me are only here to distract me from being right here within and as the physical and thus keep me separated from myself as all that is here and enslaved to energy.  I see, realize, and understand that once I start participating in these thoughts, feelings, fears, and emotions that pop-up  / arise within and as me triggered by the words and images of others that then I become entangled / entrapped within and as my mind, and within and as this entanglement I am no longer here able to fully listen and engage with others in effective communication and thus within I am actually manifesting what I fear in that others are judging me as stupid, boring, or weird.  I see, realize, and understand that primarily what comes up is either fears or desires of what to say in order to protect myself from loss or get what I want all within and as self interest / the self interest of living within and as energy and as ego.   I see, realize, and understand that others are not necessarily judging me in any way, positive or negative, whatsoever, and that others are definitely not the source of my own negative self judgments and that thus I am creating this / making this up within and as my mind in separation from what is actually physically here.  Thus, I commit myself to stand here within and as the breath, remind myself that I am already equal and one with others as who I am of life, and that I therefore have just as much to offer / share / express as any other being / form / substance in existence and that thus I am just living in an illusion of the mind that is not actually physically real.  I thus, commit myself to snap out of these negative self judgments wherein I fear that I am weird, or stupid, or boring, or not worthy to be conversed with by saying within and as my mind “No! I am not there judgments!  I am equal!  I am here!” and then breathe and delete and then do this as many times as necessary throughout the conversation to enable myself to remain here within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than or “not worthy” to have an equal and one conversation with others / certain beings who embody or express the point winning / being a winner in this system, while in conversation with.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a reaction to these negative self judgments, recoil and become less talkative and to then start selecting carefully every word that comes from my mouth to ensure that it is “worthy” of being expressed, then also change my posture to that where my shoulders are slightly rolled forward and I move more slowly, speak more slowly and evenly, and then change my behavior to a more neutral stance conducive of keeping everyone happy and not being offending in any way whatsoever.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also start reacting to my own fears that I am being judged negatively, as stupid, not worthy, boring, a loser, and not interesting to others by and through analyzing / worrying about everything that I have said, will say, and also the words of others – all to make sure / ensure that I am remaining and being perceived as cool and acceptable all while in conversation and thus keeping me separate / creating separation and limiting my ability to really listen and increasing the chances of actually having these negative self judgments expressed by others for real, all for my own self interest of protecting my limited existence as an ego / not realizing that I am already equal and one and thus worthy just like all beings are / all of existence within the point that “unworthiness” does not even really exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project onto others my own negative self-judgments as if these judgments are coming from others instead of me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have severely limited myself in my accomplishments and self expression due to my participation and identification with these negative self judgments that I am not worthy, not cool, not funny, and boring as if these are really me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in and create the belief that I have to accomplish something, or make lots of money, or be someone special in someway wherein I am doing something that above average, in order for others to accept me and have a conversation with me and also in order for me to be and feel worthy, equal, and deserving of attention from others.

When and as I see myself going into negative self judgments wherein I judge myself as being unworthy of talking to others because I have not accomplished as much as they have or in someway perceive myself to be “less than them” and then as a reaction to these negative self-judgments and fears, I change my behavior, my mannerisms, my tone, my voice, and my dialogue in order to protect me from what I fear of which is being actually verbally judged and expressed as less than in some way by others and also being in actual fact less than and unworthy, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this to exist within and as me because I see, realize, and understand that the point of being less than / unworthy / stupid / boring does not actually exist in fact and is just simply judgments of the mind that I am projecting onto others.  I see, realize, and understand that by participating in these negative self judgments and then reacting to them that I am compromising and undermining myself from remaining here as the physical in equality and oneness wherein I am already worthy, equal, and one with all that is here.  I see, realize, and understand that certain beings act as triggers to trigger me to have a complete personality change when and as I perceive myself to be less than / unworthy as compared to them in some way and that this is unacceptable.  I am to remain here constant and always the same as who I am as the physical in every breath.  Thus, I commit myself to remain here and delete and stop these backchats / negative self-judgments the moment they come up.  I direct myself to say to myself “NO! I am equal!  I am here!  I do not recoil in fear.  I stand and I breathe.  I am not these negative self judgments!”  I then direct myself to align my awareness to within and as the physical, my physical body / the breath, and also the words of the beings I am talking to where I stop all backchats that come up and listen within and as complete here ness.  I direct myself to keep my mind clear and silent and to remind myself that anything else is energy and thus self interest of either protecting me from loss or gaining something that I perceive that I am not or do not have when in fact this is un-true because I am all things already within and as the physical – and thus use this as a reference to enable myself to stop my mind and these negative self judgment patterns once and for all / progressively over time and consistency until eventually they do not exist within and as me at all and I can truly always remain here equal and one.

 

Day 381 – Stopping Negative Self-Judgments, II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried that others are thinking of me as “stupid, or boring, or not humorous” while in conversation with them thus distracting me from being here and truly listening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as “stupid, boring, or weird” while in conversation with others and thus react to these judgments by becoming withdrawn and reticent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a constant dialogue going on within and as my mind, while talking to others and especially to certain types of beings, where I am judging what I am saying or about to say and then reacting to those judgments with fear and worry to a point where I become distracted and unable to communicate effectively.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify with and thus believe that this back chat is me and is serving some form of beneficial purpose for me or protecting me from harm and then within this identification with this back chat wherein I believe, automatically, that it is me and has a positive purpose to protect, I then start reacting to it and thus becoming mind possessed with fears, worries, concerns, projections about what I am going to say and how to say it and if the other person will like it or not – all while in conversation with others thus distracting me and making my communication less effective.

I forgive myself that I have not realized and understand that I am the source of these negative self judgments and that they are actually not coming from those whom I fear they are coming from, but are actually originating within and as me / my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea that I may be being perceived as “stupid, boring, or weird” by others.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself as “stupid, boring, and weird.”

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by my own mind running its pre-programmed back-chats that I either inherited or created wherein I forget these back chats are just programs running in my mind and not actually physically real nor are they necessary.

 

Day 380 – Stopping Negative Self-Judgments

Throughout my life, and especially in my teenage years and through most of my 20s, I have had a backchat dialogue of negative self-judgments that are constantly going on, especially when in conversation or interactions with others.  These negative self-judgments are, I am: boring, un-intelligent even “stupid”, “not fun to talk to”, “saying the wrong thing”.  These negative self-judgments consume my mind / me, distract me, evoke fear within and as me and have adversely affected my ability to make friends.  These negative self-judgments are self-fulfilling prophesies because, up until now, I have reacted in fear to these thoughts, as if they are real, and as a reaction to these fears and to help protect me, I have “frozen-up” in social interactions where I just would not talk and when I did say something, it would be off beat because I was not completely here communicating with others, but lost in my mind sorting through all the potential things that I could say looking for that that “perfect statement”, of which would ironically lead me to say something that actually was / is “stupid”, if you will, because I was not completely here in the first place.

Now, up until now, I projected these negative self-judgments onto others wherein I was worried that others were judging me these ways, when in fact it was me judging me and even tormenting me with these negative self judgments.  I never considered that point that these negative self-judgments were actually my own creations and participations and were not actually coming from others, but me.  So, I would fear that others would judge me as stupid or boring, for instance, and then react to that fear as if these judgments were actually really coming from them and then change my behavior accordingly. 

So, as a consequence of not realizing that I was just fucking with myself by believing that my own negative self-judgments were actually coming from others, instead them coming from me as the actual source, I then became withdrawn, quiet, shy, taciturn, reticent, and socially quiescent; and then also I tried to prove to others (and really to myself) that I was all those things that I feared that I wasn’t.  So, I took extra difficult college courses and started writing my own music so that I could be that “genius” character that no one “really understood” just so that I can justify to myself and prove to myself that I was not these negative self-judgments, or that these negative self judgments had a valid reason for existing within and as me because they were just the counterweight to my positive self identity as the “genius” type.   Of course, this idea of the genius who cannot relate socially was also a just an idea that I was using for my own self-interest of providing some form of reason why I was “seemingly stupid, boring, etc” and not necessarily actual reality.  Then from here I started projecting that one day I would be like a business super star or a rock star of sorts of which would be like my ultimate vindication point of “Yes!  See all you assholes!  I really am cool!  I really am awesome!” – when in fact it was me that I was trying to prove myself to the whole time and it was me that was judging me so negatively in the first place.

Geese, were would I be today had I not had any negative self-judgments to begin with?  Where would I be today if these negative self-judgment internal dialogue / backchat just did not exist at all?  I went through the negative experience produced by these negative self judgments that I imagined / projected were coming from others when in fact it was me, then the fear and torment as reactions to this dialogue, then the social withdrawal, then the positive identity bullshit, like I am really a genius musician or an esoteric billionaire to be, all just so that I can feel better about the negative dialogue that I was constantly tormenting myself with – all of which altered the course of my life by severely limiting my within my own self expression.

So, today, these negative self-judgments are far less of a problem, but they still exist nonetheless, I just don’t react to them like used to. 

Day 379 – Self-Value, II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to my own negative self-judgments.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow these fear reactions to trigger worry, imaginations, and paranoia about how others see me and value me through as my own self judgments, as if these judgments are coming from others instead of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to those who make more money than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my value is only equal to and only represented as the amount of money that I can make in the system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not the very best at something, then I am inferior and unworthy and have no real value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in competition with others in all ways just so that I can prove to myself my own self worth.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own self judgments, wherein I am only worthy if I am winning and at the top, onto others as if others are judging me this way, when in fact it is me judging me and placing my value within and as what I can win and accomplish in this one life.

I forgive myself that I have neglected to consider and see, realize, and understand that one’s value as a physical being / as physicality / as substance / as the breath / as what is physically here is one and equal with all that is here / all beings here because we are all made of the exact same substance, just in different forms – like clay – all clay is equal, just shaped differently.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I place my value in what I can accomplish and win or who I am as far as my personalities are concerned, for example am I the wittiest, the smartest, etc., - that within this I am separating myself from who I am as the physical into and as energy constructs of the mind that are not actually real and thus through this, whether I win or loose, I am in effect devaluing myself to within and as energy, ideas, beliefs, and constructs, instead of taking my stand in equality as who I am as the physical, of which is already here waiting for me to realize this and live it as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to attain or achieve something in order to be equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare and thus measure myself against and to others who have lots of money, success, popularity, intelligence, and a seeming perfect life, and then come up lacking as if I am unworthy and have no self value unless I have the same outward appearance of success and fulfillment as they do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and react in fear to the idea that these negative self judgments, comparisons, and the point that I have not self value or worth unless I am the best, or on the winning side are coming from others as if this is what others are thinking of me – when in fact this is what I am thinking of myself.

When and as I see myself comparing myself to others, judging myself as inferior, and then reacting in fear, worry, imaginations, and projections as reactions to my negative self-judgments that I am “unworthy” and “inferior”, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this to exist within and as me because I see, realize, and understand that this is complete egoic bullshit that serves only my mind in its eternal fight for survival and positive energy experiences of winning, etc.  I remind myself in these moments that I am right here within and as the physical where I am already equal and one to all beings here / all that is here because we are all of the same source / substance just in different forms and expressions.  I thus commit myself to stop and delete these back-chats, negative self judgments, fear reactions, worries, imaginations, and projections that occupy my mind through directing my attention and aligning myself to within and as the breath / my breathing where through the alignment of within and as my breathing I am enabling myself to be right here within and as my physical body where I am able to stand within and as equality and oneness right here as the breath / as the physical without having to attain anything, prove anything, by anything, or achieve anything in order to just feel and experience myself as equal and one, but rather I am merely stepping into the equality and oneness within and as myself that is already here naturally as who I am as the physical and as the breath.

Day 378 – Self Value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my value and worth in what I can accomplish and achieve in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe / participate in the belief that I am not worthy to stand by my partner if I am not able to provide the monetary means for us to survive in this world / economic system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my net worth is my actual worth.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear and feelings of wanting to give up when and as I hear of others who have extremely high net worth, in the millions and billions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my worth and value is attached to my net worth in dollars and cents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a secret / surreptitious competition between me and all humanity to have the highest net worth possible in order for me to just have feelings of being worth and valued to live on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect to consider that in this system of survival and / or realizing one’s dreams and fantasies that, due to the limited resources on this planet, only a select few are able to achieve and live their dreams and fantasies while the majority are just able to survive or not even able to survive.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior unless I am able to be on the “winning” side of this system of which motivates me to be in competition to win just so that I can feel and see myself as equal  / worthy / valued.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the difference between those who “win” in this economic system and those who “loose” in this economic system is in their pre-programmed design of the mind / personalities that one comes with into this world – wherein the programmers of this existence chose in advance who would be the winners and who would be the losers.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in jealousy and feelings of worthlessness to others pre-programmed mind designs.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my value and self-worth to within and as my own mind design instead of where my actual real physical value is within and as: the physical / my physical body / the breath, of which is equal and one with all that is here and all beings in existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other’s pre-programmed mind designs who are able to win and make lots of money in this economic system and then want to give-up and go into feelings of unworthiness, depression, and inferiority – when in fact, I am have neglected to consider that I am equal to all beings here in that we are all made of the same substance and thus have the same actual potential, yet we have apparent differences due to out pre-programmed mind consciousnesses system designs of which are merely energy constructions that will eventually end while our physicality, which are equal, will remain forever.

I forgive myself that I have also accepted and allowed myself to ignore that fact that I, as a self-aware physical being / as the breath / as substance have the power within and as myself to over-come my pre-programmed mind consciousness design, of which is merely energy of which is a derivative of substance of which is who I really am, wherein I can take my power back and stand as the physical and then within that re-design myself into and as who I want to be / need to be  / what is best for all.

Day 377– Self Forgiveness regarding person X, Part IV, on person "X"

When and as I see myself back-chatting about person X and how arrogant, pushy, inconsiderate, and what an asshole person X is, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to back-chat about person X because I see, realize, and understand that by doing so I am creating dimensions / characters within and as my mind in relation to person X, that I will eventually have to face and stop thus making my process for arduous and longer, as well as layering memories within and as my mind / physical of these back-chats that are attached to emotional bodies that contain the emotions that were / are fueling and also created by the back-chatting, such as anger, frustration, blame, and fear – wherein, through this, I am setting myself up for future emotional reactions in the future, in relation to person X and my back-chat towards person X, when these memories are triggered.  Thus, I commit myself to stop back-chatting about and towards person X and all others, by reminding myself of this and then clearing my mind through stopping and then taking a deep breath and then realigning myself to within and as the breath / my breathing and my physical / being physically here where I pay attention to my body and movements in real time as the physical.

 

When and as I see myself going into blame, anger, frustration towards person X, or anyone else, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to react like this because I see, realize, and understand that I am projecting my own bullshit onto others so that I do not have to look at myself.  I see, realize, and understand that person X, in this case, violated my own personal belief system and expectations of how he should act and be and that within this I reacted in anger, blame, and frustration.  I see, realize, and understand that person X is just acting out his pre-programming, just like me, and that his program is causing my program to react – within this, I see, realize, and understand that if I had just remained here in and as the breath wherein I am aligned within and as the breath and the physical, that I would not have reacted, not been angry or upset at his behavior, and would not have blamed him for anything because all of this is just mental bullshit that accomplishes nothing but to hide myself from who I am accepting and allowing myself to be and exist as.  Within and as the breath and the physical as my alignment I would simply breathe through person Xs pre-programmed expression and then simply moved myself to do and direct the situation to the most practical and mutually beneficial solution with no emotional reactions required.  Thus, I commit myself to slow down and breathe through person Xs pre-programmed rants and expressions in the future wherein I ground myself here in and as the breath and the physical through breathing and not participating in any back-chat or emotional reactions that come up whatsoever, and then self-forgiving those that do get through in that moment, or the earliest moment possible to move with self forgiveness.

Day 376 – Self Forgiveness regarding person X, Part III, the folly of back-chatting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in negative backchat about person X.  I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to backchat about person X, or anyone or anything, that these backchats layer and are stored as memories within and as my mind attached to emotional bodies that I have programmed and attached to them – and that within this, these emotional bodies activate when triggered by person X doing something similar in the present.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I am back-chatting about person x, or anyone, and becoming emotional about it, that I am attaching emotional bodies to these memories wherein I am basically preprogramming myself to have an emotional reaction in the future when and as a point in time comes up that relates to these memories of which triggers the emotional bodies to come up and possess me.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that had I not participated in any backchat regarding person X, in the past, and did so by deleting the backchats that came, breathing instead, and releasing these energies through self forgiveness and self commitments, in the moment, that I would have been way more stable and able to breathe through person X’s behavior in this current situation.

Day 375 – Remaining calm / clear in surprise social / business situations. Part II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame person X for my emotional reactions towards person x and the situation that person x created through interfering with my business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate memories of person x staring at me while in business meetings and then critiquing me during and after business meetings from his own perspective – wherein I back chatted about how ridiculous he is and then within this have these memories trigger an emotional reaction in this current context.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of breathing through my emotional reactions towards person x in the past, that I instead accepted and allowed myself to backchat negatively about him after he interfered with my business in the past, of which this backchat accumulated layered as memories stored within and as my physical body and mind that acted like a backdrop / support / platform for more intense emotional reactions towards person X at this current time.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the “I’ve had enough!” character, wherein I justify within and as myself to myself and to others acting out emotionally towards and as a reaction to person X.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame person for my own emotional reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as the victim of person Xs bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reacting emotionally to and towards and as a consequence of person Xs behavior because “he has behaved like this in the past” and because I am participating in the idea that “I have had enough!”  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that from the starting point of equality and oneness and living within and as the physical and the breath, as who I am, that I have 2 choices to make as to how to handle person x:  1: I breathe and move on in the most practical and effective manner to manage my affairs as well as I breathe through and self forgive to release myself from and delete all backchats and emotional reactions that come up towards person x OR 2: I do number 1 as well as directly speak to person X about this manner in a calm, practical, and mutually beneficial way.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all other emotional reactions, fears, angers, frustrations, characters such as “I’ve had enough” are just mental energetic bullshit systems that are abusing my physical and all life on earth as a consequence as well as giving permission for people like person X to exist in the first place.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have giving permission for person X to exist as well as indirectly created this entire situation as well as this entire world system of economic slavery of which creates the conditions of everybody being stressed out about money and thus behaving from a starting point of fear – through my existing and living as and for positive energy experiences instead of realizing who I am as the physical and living as the physical.

 

Day 374 – Remaining calm / clear in surprise social / business situations. Part 1

Person X, pulled one of his normal stunts, where he observed me in a business setting with some customers, and then made a snap judgment / assessment of what is going on wherein he thought he knew everything about everyone and judged the situation to be one that he needs to intervene in, in order to save us from ourselves; of which he did, and then this lead to a chain reaction of events that ultimately lead to me customers hating me, from what I can tell.  As unlikely as that sounds, this is actually what happened, in essence. 

Person X, is by definition, an arrogant asshole who thinks he knows everything and then tries to bestow his self anointed wisdom onto others by shoving it down their throats / intervening, only to have it backfire in a way, this time, that potentially and more than likely will result in a loss of income for me and a negative wrap sheet in the eyes of certain customers / business contacts.

How is this possible?  Well, you see, through person X’s meddling in my business transaction, he, in-effect, derailed the process / track that I was on with the customers that I was working with.  The track that I was on, was to have my current customers taken care of / completed by the time, or shortly after, my next appointment was set.  But, when person X, decided to bestow upon us his “mighty wisdom” – of which he did so by undermining my credibility to my customers by making the statement to them, and I quote: “You are in deep water Josh” - in reference to my presentation that I was in the midst of making – of which, naturally and expectedly so, triggered my customers to want to know why “I am in this so-called deep water” that person X “claimed” that I was in (which I was definitely NOT in), and through their “curiosity” to know what this “deep water” was all about, they changed their focus from me to person X wherein he then basically took over the entire situation and lead them down a completely different path for the next 30 minutes. 

Then my next appointment showed up, ready to go, and my current customers were lost in “lala land” with person X and were definitely, now, no where near being wrapped-up, as I had planned, because person X had them off in a completely different direction.  Now, this different direction was to no avail, because I had already gone down that path 2 weeks ago with these customers and already knew the result of which would be that of non-interest from these customers.  But person X did not bother to ask me this in the first place, of which if he did so, he could have saved everyone a lot of time by just simply butting out. 

Nonetheless, when my next appointment showed up, I now was in a situation wherein I had 2 unresolved customers at the same time of which both need at least 30 minutes of complete attention because my original customers, instead of being close to wrapped up as I had planned, were no where near being wrapped up because person X, in his infinite wisdom (LOL), decided to undermine me with the “deep water” comment in order to wedge his way into my presentation of which just confused the customer more and extended the time that they needed, to have it now interfere with my next appointment.

Then, feeling pressured to make everyone “happy”, I moved my original customer’s purse from the seat that she was sitting in, before person X butt-in, in order make a seat for my next customer who had her arms full of books and papers and was staring at the otherwise empty seat next to my desk.  My original customer saw that I moved her purse and took this to mean that I was kicking her out, of which I was absolutely NOT; and she took this personally and then stormed out of out showroom completely angry at me, and then she went to her builder and told him of my “behavior” and said she wants to also cancel her other order with me that she made last week.  Now, this builder thinks I am some form of an ass and this customer hates me.  Now, for the record, I was in no way kicking my original customer out and was only trying to be accommodating to my new one.  But, with this awkward situation that person X created by pushing his way into my sales presentation thereby derailing my sales flow – this created a situation where I had 2 customers at once who each now need total attention and neither could be wrapped quickly and within this I felt stressed and pressured to make everyone happy and then made a social blunder that lead to a total disaster. Then person X had the gall to blame me.  That fucker. 

Person X has behaved in a similar manner before, many times actually, just never leading to such a disaster as this.  So, therefore, I have accumulated memories and backchats towards person X that have triggered, through this event, emotional reactions, within and as me, such as hatred towards X, blame, anger, frustration, worry, self-pity, fear, and the list goes on in the emotional fuckedness that has come up triggered by this event, directed mainly at person X. 

Yes, it is true, if person X would have just fucked off – meaning: “mind his own business” and stayed out of mine – then this event would NOT have happened.  It was the context of this event that lead to me making a bad social decision about how to make everyone “happy”.  This is not to justify my nervousness, feeling pressured, feeling stressed, etc. – no not at all.  Surely, if I had a cool head, and was clear and breathing, I could have navigated this situation to have a more than likely positive outcome.  BUT, this situation should not have occurred in the first place.  Person X, through his arrogance and superiority / inferiority complex, and his pushy-ness created a chaotic situation of which was unplanned and within that I stumbled.  Person X did this for no reason.  There was no reason that this should have happened.  Person X behaves in this manner quite often and this makes it more difficult for me to get over. 

So, I am going to have to get over this that is why I am writing this here.  I am, over the next writings, going to be releasing myself from many of these points here.