Facing the Wall

When faced with having to write about myself on a daily basis I become frozen and unclear as to what to write and how to go about it. I begin to doubt whether the points that I want to write about are even real and then when I actually do begin to write I become even more confused as to how to write about these specific points. This confusion about writing all comes from my accepted and allowed participation in the backchat that goes on while in the process of attempting to write wherein I question every point from every conceivable angle while in the process of writing to the point where I don't know what is going on.

I have become confused as to whether I actually have memories that are controlling me that I need to self-forgive. I realize that I am nothing but a composite of memories and a walking reaction based on these memories but at the same time, I cannot figure out where to begin writing about such.

Also, I judge my writing as unclear and unfocused and in this I believe that I am actually manifesting myself as writing unclear and unfocused.

So when you put it all together, I am forming a wall of resistance to releasing myself from my mind in and as memories, judgments, self-definitions, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This is a defense mechanism that exists in and as me as mind as a barrier to releasing myself from who I am and have become as mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when faced with writing myself to freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience blankness when faced with writing myself to freedom.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to experience confusion when writing myself to freedom.

I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that anxiety, blankness, and confusion cannot be real because who I am is here in the physical as breath and therefore in my living participation as here as breath I direct me and therefore this anxiety, blankness, and confusion that I am experiencing is in-fact separate from and of me, and I am accepting and and allowing the anxiety, blankness, and confusion to take over and possess me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by my self-created blankness, confusion, and anxiety that I have created in separation of me of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience the self-created construct of walking into a wall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by a 'walking into the wall experience'.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by 'a walking into the wall experience' with just about any point that I attempt to write about in that I begin judging myself and talking myself out-of any given point because of the backchat that I accept and allow myself to participate in wherein I am constantly criticizing, judging, questioning, comparing any given point from every conceivable angle.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that any point of self-criticism, judgment, comparison is self-created of mind and a defense mechanism to keep myself locked-into the mind as the mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, self-definitions, and memories.

Running into the wall when faced with writing about past memories:

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all that I exist in and as is nothing but a self-manifested and created and designed self-separation programmed self-enslavement system that I have become and exist as, as the mind of thought, self-definition and memory.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that because I exist as the mind of thought, self-definition, and memory then the entirety of me, which consists of almost endless points to consider, is ripe for applying self forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I cannot identify memories to expose myself existing in and as considering the fact that everything that I am is but a memory based on past experiences within how I have defined myself within and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own self-manifested and created and designed self-separation programmed self-enslavement system that I have become and exist as, as the mind of thought, self-definition and memory in and as the physical, through which I exist in this reality that is me.

I forgive myself to connect the emotional experience of fear to my participation in the thought 'that I cannot find memories to identify yet at the same time I realize that I am enslaved to them and in this fear that I am in a prison of my own making and I am the gate keeper – thus fearing myself as both the prisoner and the one creating the prison.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all that exists in this manifested physical reality of me, as me – is manifested memory creations – that all that exists in my world directly – is memories manifested – reflected as the memories I exist as and have become and express through – the manifestation of me as this reality of me, reflecting the manifestation of me as the reality within me as what I am and have become and exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a manifested reaction reacting from memories that have become me as manifested patterns that I exist in and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an alogorithm which is a systematic reaction based on memories that I have accepted and self and in this have become so lost within my alogorithm that I will not allow myself to see it for what it is – a pattern based on memories which I have refused to clearly identify.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the existence of me as that of memories – in essence, me being and existing as – only a memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct the excuse and justification of and as fear, to not have to face the reality of me as what I have become as only but a memory – because all that I exist as and of is but memory as all that I am currently now – is a copy , a duplication of memories as that which my parents existed as – duplicated, copied memories is what I am and have become = thus a memory defined of memories as memories.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am nothing more than a living memory repeating the past as my present and in this worrying about the future because of the uncertainty thereof

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the entirety of me is but a memory and therefore my entire being is but memories that I can explore, self-forgive, and release.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my backchat to possess me in convincing me that I am not able to realize myself as life here as breath because I haven't allowed myself to see myself existing as a memory.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the emotional experience of anxiety to my participation in the thought 'oh shit I cannot “think” of any memories to self forgive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as a wall, a barrier to self-forgiveness because of my participation in the self-created construct of a wall, a barrier that I have erected as a defense mechanism to keep me living in and as my mind as memories.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to exist here as breath and write of me from the starting point of not accepting and allowing myself to judge, self-define, and confuse my process in and as experiencing myself as mind of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse my existence as a memory existing of memories utilizing self-definition designs and that’s as the system through which I operate from the memories that is the origin source and core of me, with myself here as life as breath in the physical in equality with all as me with no self-definition wherein I limit myself as mind - and to not see the difference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself to what I am as memories, from the memories existing as self-definition designs from which thoughts are created as a mind system – the consciousness of replayed memories that is the manifestation as me because I am refusing to see the simplicity that this is of the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that all that I am is memory as all of me as what I am now consists of and exists as memories of past experiences that form, shape, and mold how I am and experience myself to be in the now of consciousness – a programmed system of memory existing according to and as how I designed myself of and as memory of past experiences.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I along with all of me as me created this reality this existence in and as its current manifested expression in the image and likeness of me as me as accepted and allowed self-abdication and what is done by me through all as me of me – through abdicating self to the construct of memory – within the deliberate accepted and allowed act of separation and self-enslavement.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I designed the construct of blame to ensure the self-defined existence of me as separation because as long as I blame and continue blaming I don’t have to stand up and take self responsibility for me as what I have become and done unto me as all that exist in existence – this reality that is me – that reflects me as what I exist as.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see realize and understand that in blaming the systems as having control over me is only me abdicating self-responsibility in realizing, understanding, and seeing the memories that I exist in and as.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to participate in emotional experiences of anxiety and frustration because of my accepted and allowed participation in the construct of blaming the systems as having too much influence over me in identifying memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the construct of blame so that I do not have to stand up as myself here as all that exist as me and take responsibility and see realize and understand that I am existing in and as memories and that I in this am responsible for this manifested reality as me as a reflection of me as all that exists exists as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and that as I blame 'the systems' I exist in separation.

Release from the fear of exploring words as me:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot identify words that I have charged as positive or negative in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, ridicule, question myself and therefore confuse myself when looking at words as whether I have separated myself from them by attaching thoughts, feelings, and emotions to them.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the words that I use are all existing in me as memories of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become in separation of myself as mind and of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have therefore accepted and allowed myself to overcomplicate my process of looking into words as separate manifested constructs by not allowing myself to realize that simple fact that all I am and exist as are words based on memories that I have separated from myself as mind constructs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as separate from my words in order to hide myself from my current manifested reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation from the words I speak because of my refusal to face myself in and as my words by looking at them and how I have defined myself within words and releasing myself from words as constructs based on memories.

Release from the point of comparison:

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to compare my process with others because of my secret knowledge that I am abdicating my self-responsibility to stand in and as my process of self forgiveness and self-honesty consistently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own refusal to participate effectively and consistently within and as my process of equalizing myself with all existence as me because of my participation in the backchat that I am not 'able' to release myself from my manifested existence as walking, living, memory – and in this I then compare myself to others 'hoping' that they are having as much 'trouble' as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow this fear of myself and my ability to actually walk this process to be foundation point for my participation within the construct of comparison to others walking this process wherein I accept and allow myself to experience jealousy, despair, and frustration when I see, perceive, or believe another to be more able to walk than I am.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that I am only as effective as I accept myself to walk this process.

Releasing myself from feeling uncomfortable with applying self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by experiencing blankness I have separated myself from these points and that by my accepted and allowed separation I have allowed these points to have power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable with applying self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the uncomfortability is in fact resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance towards applying self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear towards applying self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the fear is in fact me fearing myself in seeing, realizing, and understanding me and who and how I am and that I am in fact afraid of what I might see, realize and understand that is in fact existing within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to face me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear of facing me is in fact an excuse and justification to not change me because I think and believe that I have some form of control of who I am and what I a live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that I in fact have no control over what I am, who I am , and how I live – It is in my mind, as thoughts, memories, self-definitions, reactions that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from myself and in that I have no control.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through self-forgiveness I will actually become the directive principle of me and that I will no more be enslaved to thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions,all based on memories, but in fact realize the meaning of what it is to in-fact live as the directive principle of myself in and a what is best for all within equality and oneness.