Day 402 – Frozen in Time

I haven’t blogged for 5 months now, and I must say that getting myself to write this blog here has been quite a challenge. I just freeze up and go blank, almost panic, at the thought of writing or blogging within the application of self-change / self-honesty, and personal development.

I mean, why should this be a problem? Facing self within the point of self honesty, where one self-honestly faces what self has accepted and allowed self to be and become within and as the mind and all the patterns that go with it, is the most useful, personally and mutually beneficial, and self-directive activity one can participate in.

I mean, why is this so difficult? The answer is, that it’s easier to take a back seat and enjoy the ride of the mind (the positive experiences that it offers and then stomaching the negative experiences that also comes with the positive), of which we have become accustomed to over the past millions of years that marks human evolution. It’s easy because the mind just operates seemingly automatically and thus why resist because it feels so “natural”. Its easy because everyone is doing it. I mean, everyone else is doing it, right? In fact everyone has this “value system” built around being directed by the mind, as if this it is our “freedom” – freedom to be directed by repeating patterns of the mind which constitute our personalities, and where our mind is our god and is the god that we trust. It’s as if we all have this twisted perception of freedom as if freedom means that “I can be enslaved to my patterns and you can be enslaved to your patterns; and we trust our patterns / personalities as if they are our true and authentic selves” - and thus we are all free to be slaves to the mind / to god in our own individual ways. Isn’t that what religious tolerance really symbolizes about each and everyone of us? Where we grant each other the freedom to be enslaved to the mind (as god) in each’s own individual ways? Yet no one actually sees this for what it is.

Its even on our money “In god we trust”. We place our trust in our god, which is the mind (most do not and cannot see this – but if one considers this, one can see this for self), of which tells us how to act and behave through repeating patterns, specific to each and everyone of us, of the mind that we live out as if it is who we really are. And thus, stopping the patterns of the mind is like defying god / our mind and thus standing equal with god, because otherwise we are the slave being directed by god, which is the mind, telling us what to do through repeating patterns that constitute our personalities. And standing up to god as equal is like a sin, you know? And its a lot of work. And its scary. And its counter-cultural. And it’s a hassle. And it’s boring. So, why not go with the flow and live like the rest, enslaved to god / enslaved to the mind that is god – everyone seems so happy and content, right? NOT. Most life on this planet is suffering big time as a consequence to this. If you are not part of that group right now, count yourself lucky – but your time will come. It is inevitable. Why? Because the mind / god – is no respecter of persons (it actually says that in the Bible, you know) – and does not give a fuck about who or what it destroys as a consequence to its systematic and energetic existence as demonstrated through the phenomena of war, starvation, poverty, disease, and all the other atrocities that the human race ACTIVELY participates in and has NO solution for.  

I see, within my current self-awareness that I have developed thus far, a multitude of topics and points that I can face and address every single day. I see patterns of characters of self-judgment, comparison, manipulation, fear, worry, jealousy, and more every single day of which I know full well that I can apply myself to stop through blogging and vlogging. Yet I have so much resistance to this. I also have been reluctant to apply myself to redefine words so that I can live words as me and thus create myself as authentic – where what I say is what I live. Yet, I have resistance to this, more-so now than before my pause in blogging.

And so because of my resistance to blogging, I remain frozen in time. Frozen, meaning, that the same old patterns repeat and direct me day after day and thus I am frozen in time – always the same – never changing and never directing – and thus, remaining a slave to god, which is the mind, just like everyone else.

You see, within and as the mind, we are captured. We are contained. We are held "frozen in time" as the repetitive patterns that we have allowed ourselves to be and become - meaning that if I don’t apply myself to stand up to my mind and say “No. I stop. I am not these patterns” - then I will be the same old slob, enslaved to my mind, 10 years from now, 20 years, from now, until I die. That’s what I mean by frozen in time.

However, if I stand and change – then time no longer exists and I am always here, undefined, applying myself to be what is best for all in all circumstances and with all peoples, in every moment of breath – where within that, I am undefined because I always act in ways that are best for all regardless of patterns of the mind / regardless of god. Meaning that I am always the same within the point that I move and direct myself as what is best for all and that the mind and its patterns have no influence over who I am – yet I am always changing because I am directing me here in every moment to do, be, and live what is best for all in every situation and with all peoples.

So, its time that I thaw out. I need to not be frozen in time any longer. It is not doing self or anyone any good.

Humanity is turning to stone right now. Let’s reverse that course. Shall we?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and accept myself as a slave to the mind / to god because it is “easy and culturally acceptable”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn to stone / become frozen in time through my acceptance and allowance of the patterns and behaviors that constitute my mind / me as my mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to selfishly disregard others and the adverse consequences that go along with living as the mind to self (the inevitable negative and the inevitable consequence / physical outflow).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be prideful of my self-awareness yet at the same time live as the mind where I fuck myself and everyone over in the same exact way that those with little or no self-awareness do unwittingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my mind and its patterns to hold me frozen in time – where who I am as a being is suppressed and I thus doom myself to live ever repeating patterns, of the mind, just so that I can “feel good”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim to the tactics of the mind where I panic, feel bored, and divert my attention to something else immediately when I consider writing as a form of support to face my patterns and what I have become as the mind, instead of standing / taking a stand as god / the director of me, and stopping those patterns of resistance dead in their tracks through the power that I already have developed and am capable of right now – standing as my being-ness / self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock, in my mind, those who are religious while I at the same time religiously bow down to the patterns and dictates of my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I accept and allow my mind to act for me – that I in-effect place my trust in god where I strip myself of my power and allow myself to be suppressed by god / my mind.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to the self-supportive application of blogging to face myself as my mind so that I can stop and become the solution instead of the problem, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow resistance to blogging because I see, realize, and understand that what I am resisting is my very own freedom and that through resisting I enable the mind / my god to have directive power over me and thus I am a slave and I am frozen in time. Thus, I commit myself to remind self of this blog, breathe, sort out my actual time constraints and them apply myself as effectively as physically possible.