JTL Day 58 – Day 11 of 21 days of Writing Every Day – Reacting

I recently had someone question my abilities to perform a specific task over the phone. This person did this in a very condescending and spiteful way. At first I brushed this off and attempted to move forward with our conversation. But this person kept bringing this point up over and over again. This person kept asking '”if she should tell another person that I cannot do the job”. This of course was not the case. I am perfectly able to do the job. I let her know this a few times. This person was basically insulting me to the best of here abilities and finally when she asked a third time in a very demeaning tone, I answered “PLEASE DO!” and then I hung up on her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards this persons incessant insults.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in spite towards this persons incessant insults.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this persons repeated insults act as a trigger point for me to go into a reaction of anger as if I only have so much tolerance for someone's rudeness. And within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify a point of reaction in anger because of the way that someone else is speaking to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reactions in anger and spite towards others based upon a 'tolerance' level that I place in my mind through my participation in backchat that 'I should not have to take this kind of shit and I can only take so much'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the self-awareness that I had in that moment of reacting wherein I knew that I was reacting and purposely allowed myself to go into reaction even though I was able to stop and breath because I had participated in the backchat that I was 'justified in my reaction' because this person 'crossed the line' that I had set for myself to go into reaction as if it were OK to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spiteful to this person because they apparently 'offended me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotional experience of being 'offended' and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can and should be offended.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this persons words in separation of myself wherein I go into a point of reaction towards this person as if this person is not showing me something of myself and that this person cannot offend me so long as I reaming here one and equal with this person as me, and breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the cool point that this person was testing me to show me that I still have points of reaction that are easily covered-up when things are going well.

Self Commitment Statements:

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of spite or anger towards someones words to me because of my participation in backchat that 'I should not have to be spoken to this way' or the 'this person has crossed the line', I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into reactions of anger and spite towards others because I see, realize, and understand that when I go into reactions I am not here breathing in oneness and equality, but I am participating in energetic fluctuations that I am self-creating in my mind.

And thus, I commit myself to breathing through these reactions and anger and spite when people talk offensively to me until I am clear and able to speak within and as stability.

When and as I see myself going into backchat that 'I do not deserve to be spoken to in this way' or that 'this person has crossed the line', I stop and I breathe, because I see, realize, and understand that these thoughts are of the mind, in separation, within and as energy based on per-programmed thoughts and ideas that I hold of how things should be, and are not of life, of the breath.

And thus, when and as I see myself going into this backchat, I stop and I breath until I am clear, and I do not accept allow myself to participate in these thoughts.