JTL Day 59 – Day 12 of 21 days of Writing Every Day – Clarifying my starting point with writing

So, after working with myself for quite some time, with writing and trying to establish a daily writing routing, I have realized a few things. Most importantly, is the importance and necessity of daily commitment in one-form or another to stopping my mind through breathing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and applying self commitments that I have made consistently because of the simple fact that if I fail to do so, my mind will find ways of re-establishing itself as the 'god' of me and even increasing its 'grip' on me and finding even more ways to lock me down into the systematic existence of a mind-consciousness system. Therefore a consistent routine must be established otherwise I will never break-free of my mind and always be a slave to it.

Within what amount of time I actually do have available to me, I have realized that to take care of my personal responsibilities and make money to pay my bills, that I do not always, at this time, have the time to actually sit-down and write everyday. I tend to go through cycles of extreme business and the not-so-busy times. It is in these not-so-busy times that I need to really sit down and write as much as possible, while in the busy times, I need to breathe and verbally speak self-forgiveness to establish a point of stability.

So, my starting point for writing, although I never really defined this, was more along the lines of writing everyday because it is what I should do based on more, or less, a picture of myself being the ideal 'Destonian' writing and self-realizing on a daily basis.

So, this needs to be deleted from my mind, from my idea of myself and replaced with a more practical approach. Instead my starting point will be redefined as me writing to free me from my mind to be used as a tool to assist and support me to accomplish this.

Writing will be done as consistently as possible based upon my schedule and the demands that are placed in my life within the realization that it is imperative that I write as consistently as possible in order to successfully walk out of my existence as a systematized mind-consciousness systematic program and into a real living oneness and equality, here-ness. Therefore, instead of writing being a way for me to show to myself and others that I am committed to stopping my mind, rather, writing is a way for me to assist myself, to stop my existence as a mind-consciousness system, with 'life potential', and to realize that life potential by birthing myself, through daily application, as life from the physical, in this one life that I am living now.

And also, I am going to end my '21 days of writing everyday' campaign because I do not find this to be self-supporting. Instead, I will just simply commit myself to writing and breathing as consistently as my schedule permits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture-idea of myself as someone who writes everyday, the 'ultimate Destonian', and then try to fulfill that picture, missing the point of daily application in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a fulfillment of pictures in my head instead of just living here, practically, within each and every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get 'distressed' over my ability to fulfill or failure to fulfill the pictures that I have of my ideal-self in my mind.

And within that, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my participating in the emotion of being 'distressed' over not fulfilling pictures in me mind, then creates/self-creates an emotional/energic experience that requires energy, leading to cycles of ups and downs where at times I am more motivated to fulfill these pictures and at other times I am not so motivated because of expended energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see, realize, and understand that by trying to fulfill a picture/image that I have created in my mind, that I am setting myself up for failure because this fulfillment requires energy and exertion that runs in cycles and is not stable and constant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself daily and consistently because of my emotional state and therefore and within that I forgive myself that I have not keep myself self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that I am too-tired to write when I have enough energy to do other activities during that time and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice breathing through these experiences thereby using them as opportunity to test my ability to remain here and self-directed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convinced myself that I cannot write or apply myself daily because I am too 'stressed out' as if that has anything to do with me remaining here, breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the pursuit of a picture of me doing something or achieving something is not supportive in stopping my existence as a mind-consciousness system, but rather supports me to live as one. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase images in my mind rather than to breathe and be here and live what is practical within each and every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have failed to see, realize, and understand that when I make excuses and justifications to not do what is best for all in every breath, that the very reason why I have accepted and allowed that is because I am living in my mind experiencing the energetic highs and lows of the mind and not remaining here, in and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose the mind of over breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the mind and the energy created through thinking and experiencing feelings, and emotions created by attaching 'positive' or 'negative' associations with my world and then reacting to them, instead of just simply being here and breathing – and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear just being here and to resist being here and to resist doing things that are practical, such as writing when and as I have the time, in order for me to further remain here, as a living, breathing being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that creating, and then chasing pictures in my mind will generate the experience of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which may actually be a secret plot of mine/mind devised to find ways to achieve the energetic fix or thoughts, feelings, and emotions, even thought I am 'intending' to stop them.

Self Commitments to come.