Day 201 - I'm Back

Here I am writing for the first time in a few weeks.  When I was writing consistently, writing became easier and easier.  Now, its like 'oh god what do I write about??'.  There is literally nothing that I can think of.  However, there are number of things that I can observe.  I will start with what is right here, right now.

Yesterday evening, I could not shut my mind down.  It was like one thought would pop-up and then a whole stream of thoughts and internal conversations would follow and repeat themselves over and over again to the point that I could not pay full attention to people talking to me.  This was going on the entire evening and kept me from falling asleep for at least an hour after I went to bed. 

In fact, I have noticed that my mind is far more active now that I have not been writing and applying self-forgiveness for these past few weeks; and therefore as a case-study here, writing on an almost daily basis, or daily if at all possible, is extremely supportive to stopping the mind / stopping one's existence as a mind. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'I cannot stop my mind and must participate in these internal conversations as they come up.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'I must participate in repetitive internal self-conversations in order to ensure the best possible outcome for me.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the 'entertainment' of my mind within the point of following my thoughts and internal conversations over and over again to see where thy might lead, like going on a journey into 'wonder land'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the systematic stopping of my mind within and as the point of neglecting to consistently apply myself to stop my thoughts and repetitive internal dialogs that are triggered from my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the realization that I create and program my own mind to have repetitive internal conversations when and as I accept and allow myself to participate in the thoughts and reactions that pop-up in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, create within and as my mind  myself, various personalities and characters as a consequence of my participation in the thoughts that pop-up in my mind.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make process that much more difficult by participating in the thoughts that then layer and energize to form personality and character constructs that then become even more difficult to stop.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am the creator and programmer of my own systematic existence as the mind / that thus I am my own enemy within the point that I continue to create NEW personalities and characters to stop and overcome within my will-full and negligent participation in just simple thoughts as they pop-up / that I am what needs to stop / that I need to stop my addiction to the mind and all the energies of the mind in order to lay the foundation to really stop the mind and my existence as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am addicted to the mind and the energies of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that addiction exists / that I can be addicted.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that believing that 'I am addicted...' is a justification to make me feel better about choosing that what makes me feel good instead of standing here as life, as the breath, and living equal and one.

Thus, when and as I see thoughts arise within and as my mind, I take quick note as to the significance of the thought.  I ask myself 'is this thought necessary for my survival?" and if not, I stop it and direct my awareness to the breath and the physical, here.

I commit myself to remain here and stand as the physical within the point of stopping thoughts thus stopping the creation and programming of personalities and characters that I will have to face sometime in the future..

I commit myself to writing consistently so that I can eventually support myself to eventually stand in complete equality and oneness with what is actually physical here as myself.