Day 200 – Following Through

Why is it so hard to direct oneself? For instance, no matter what one's objective is, a course of action is required that works to get the best results. How many times have you decided to do something, made a plan that is most effective, and then not done it? And why is this? Is it because of all the little distractions and excuses and justifications that pop-up in your mind once the time of action arises? The desire to be entertained by some form of an exciting experience is strong. Directing the self to do what is best for all in every breath to be the most effect possible, is not so strong – unless, of course, one happens to be the elite who have programmed within them already the ability to push through resistance to make things happen. So, I am going to program myself to be able to push through resistance to make things happen within this process of self-perfection and stopping the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself and then participate in excuses and justifications as to why I cannot fulfill my commitments to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that 'life is not worth living if I cannot be constantly entertained.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lured into the entertainment of my mind within and as the pictures, imaginations, back-chats, and judgments that I participate in, and also within the excitement experienced when doing something, anything, that completely distracts me and pulls me into my mind and away from here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my experience of myself based upon the excitement and energy that I am experience wherein low energy I define as boring / needing something more and wherein if I experience high energy I define myself as fulfilled and excited.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself see, realize, and understand that seeking excitement and entertainment is self-sabotage within the point that this is actually the seeking of the creation of an energetic experience of self that ends and leaves me needed more, more, and then even more – which then creates within and as myself a separation from what is here / actually going on here around me and within and as me – as I seek the experience that only exists within my mind / within the energy of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is about the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need anything more than what is right here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by my mind / by the emotion of restlessness as a consequences of my participation in thoughts like thoughts like 'I am uncomfortable and need to move', 'I cannot sit in this chair right now.', 'I need to do something else.', 'I cannot focus or concentrate right now.', 'This is boring,' 'I am not having fun.', 'There's got to be something more that just this.'

When and as I see myself going into resistance when faced with following through with my self-directive application to do what I set out to do, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into excuses and justifications in order to sabotage my efforts just so that I can find some form of an energy experience within and as the limitation of my own mind.

Thus, I commit myself to breathe and remain here stopping all thoughts, feelings, and emotions by simply not participating in them until they fade – from there I direct myself to apply myself to follow through with all my commitments.