Self-Allocation Point:
I define the word control as: being able to steer or direct a
physical object, person, or outcome to one's will and desire.
Dictionary Definition (from Merriam Webster's free online):
con·trol
verb \kən-ˈtrōl\
: to direct the behavior of (a person or animal) : to cause (a
person or animal) to do what you want
: to have power over (something)
: to direct the actions or function of (something)
: to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way.
Sounding the Word Control:
Con Troll – a conning troll.
Troll – an evil green dwarf that lives under a bridge
that likes to eat people.
Can't Roll – cannot change with the flow.
More personal insight / creative writing on the word control:
Someone in control is like a 'conning troll' or even a 'cunning
troll' who is using his wit or might to take advantage of others for
one's own personal gain. Thus, I experience resistance to the word
control, to being controlled, and the idea of me being in control.
In fact, there is an element of self-sabatoge I see here in relation
to the idea of being in control. Like, I don't want to be in control
because I am not a troll! Within my own self-definition, I am not
like that! Thus, I go with the flow, where-ever it might lead. I am
not in control. But I do find myself acting controlling at times,
yet I am not directly being controlling because I do not want to
admit to myself that I am trying to take control. Someone in
control goes against the flow.
Self-Forgiveness:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge
the word 'control' as negative / bad within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the sound
allocation that I have associated with the word 'control' wherein the
word sounds to me like a conning troll who goes against the wind /
whim of others in order to get what he wants in spite of others.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to resist being controlled and resist being in control because I do
not want to be seen by others or self as a 'conning troll'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize,
and understand that that what one resists, persists and that within
this point, forming a resistance to being controlled or being in
control will not alleviate or change the condition that I am in.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize,
and understand the sound allocation that I have placed within the
word control – where I see one who seeks control as a 'conning
troll' out to devour others for one's own personal gain.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize,
and understand the sound allocation that I have placed within the
word control – where I see one who is in control as being
'un-changable' in direction within the point that he 'can't roll' /
cannot roll with the 'flow'. Thus, within this, I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the emotion /
energy of resentment towards others that I perceive to be in control
of me in some way.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react
in resentment towards others or self when in control.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want
to hide from others as to not be scene as in control.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel
'bad' about myself when and as I perceive that I am in control of
myself or others.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize,
and understand that no matter what perceived control that I have over
others or that others have over me – that I always have control
over my own reactions if I decide to, and that I really never have a
real control over other beings or things, only perceived.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be the
directive principle within and as myself in each and every breath –
where I take control of who I am in here and direct myself as life of
the breath and stop the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I can control others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I can be controlled.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize,
and understand that we never have control over the reactions of
others and the randomness of the physical within all the potential
outcomes that may manifest. Within this, I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control the
outcome of events or the outcome of how others will react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the idea of not being able to change direction to the idea of control - wherein I perceive that one who is in control cannot change direction to the needs of the given situation, but must maintain direction no matter the consequences in order to maintain control. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotional reaction of fear to being in control or being controlled by others because of the idea that I created within and as myself that with control comes the point of not being able to change if required.
Redefining the word 'control':
1. To be the directive principle of who I am in each and every
breath where I decide who I am, not others and not my mind – where
I stand and live as the physical, as the breath of life.
2. To direct self in ways that influence others and events to
increase the odds of things working out in a way that is best for
all.
3. To be able to direct self to change direction in a manner to maintain what is best for all, even mid-stream, if necessary.
Self-Commitment:
When and as I see myself reacting negatively to my perceiving that
I am being controlled by others or am in control of others, I stop,
and I breathe. I do not accept or allow myself to react negatively
towards the idea and perception of being in control or being
controlled by others because I see, realize, and understand that
there is no real control that exists except control over self and how
one reacts within the point of actually directing self to stop all
reactions.
Thus, I commit myself to taking control within the point of
directing self to be here in each and every breath no matter my
external circumstances where I direct me to be and do what is best
for all as my self-control.
I commit myself to live this redefined definition of the word control as myself in every breath from this point forward.
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