Day 191 – What Constitutes and Triggers Worry

I am honing in on this worry pattern of mine so as to break it down and be done with it once and for all. I am also sorting out the difference between worry, nervousness, and anxiety and will turn soon to break-down all the dimensions in the points of nervousness and anxiety in later writings.

The dimensions that cause / constitute and trigger worry are as follows: First there is a perceived loss of control wherein I do not have perceived control over the outcome of a particular event. Within this, I am participating in the polarity of perceived control which generates a feeling of calmness and then perceived loss of control which triggers fear. So, within worry, this perceived loss of control is mixed with the emotion of fear, fear of what might happen and having no perceived control. Then within this void / space between now and the future point in time where the event will resolve is also the energy of waiting / impatience; where I cannot wait to have this event resolved so that I can know the outcome and thus regain my perceived control over the situation. Then within this waiting / this void I fill this 'space / void' with all the 'what-ifs' and potentials / future projections and probabilities, that may occur, within my imagination; where I imagine and visualize all the potential outcomes of which generates even more fear, which then cycles and fuels even more imaginations of potential outcomes and what ifs as I attempt to regain 'control' over the future within and as my mind where I attempt to 'find a way to regain a foothold of control within and as my minds eye / my imagination, that consumes me as my mind / my attention to a point that I am not even able to be here with what I am doing now as my attention is directed inwards into my mind and my imagination. This is the essence / what constitutes the system of worry.

Worry is only triggered in certain situations and not all situations where there is a 'perceived loss of control' within my experience. The situations that trigger worry are those of perceived 'great loss' where there the potential loss is greater than what I am willing to accept as a potential consequence and I have a perceived 'no control over the outcome'.

Typically this has to do with money and job security for me. This is so because of the great financial responsibility that I have wherein I am taking care of 3 other people based upon my income. Money is a point that I am always facing, so the worry pattern is quite often showing its face in relation to this point in my life, but it is not limited to just money. I have seen within myself the worry pattern triggered with just about any type of perceived 'great loss', as a consequence. Any type of perceived great loss, such as losing the functioning of my body, losing a child, etc., where the potential loss is greater than I am willing to accept and I have no perceived control over it, will trigger the pattern of worry.

Self-Trust dimension: There is also an element of self-trust within the point that I do not have self-trust that I can stand through whatever the potential outcome, and also that I have acted in a way / conducted myself in a way that would bring a high probability that the 'best' outcome in the first-place. In other-words, there is a sense that I am 'out-of-control' within the point that I see, realize, and understand that I am not always in directive 'control' of who I am in every breath – thus I may have generated consequences that are adverse.'

So, within the point of worry, over the next writings, I will break down the following dimensions within the point of worry:

1. The points that bring about the system of worry within and as me:
   
   1. Loss of money / job
      
   2. Loss of family members or injury
      
   3. Loss of physical function / disease
      
   4. Loss of control of what people who have influence over my life think of me – wherein if they think of me adversely I go into worry if this could manifest in the loss of money or the loss of something valued to me.
      
2. The polarity of perceived control / loss of control
   
3. The waiting and 'empty space' that occurs between the initiation of the event and the resolution of the event.
   
4. The fear that fills that empty space
   
5. The imaginations, future projections, and back-chats that also fill that empty space and then fuel even more fear – all as an attempt to regain perceived control
   
6. The element of lack of self-trust that is revealed within the point of worry.
   

These dimensions within the point of worry will be broken down, in the next writings, within self-forgiveness statements so that I can see, in clarity, all the aspects to these dimensions so as to assist me to then structure self-commitment statements that I can live by and act upon the moment that I see this worry pattern within and as me and stop it once and for all.

To Be Continued...