Saturday, November 7, 2015

Day 385 – More SF on self judgments / Changing my lot in the system

From day 384

"Then after a while, it started to get old, yet, I was still young and so it was OK. Now, its like, WTF?! When am I going to get my f** shit together?!? It's been like 24 years that I have been an “adult” now, by now I should be getting it together! It's not like I have not been trying! What's wrong with me? I work hard, I have the gift to gab / get along with most people, I am attractive (enough, as in there is nothing wrong with my physical appearance that should hold me back in any way), I don't have any physical disabilities, I dress appropriate, I get up early, I am willing to work, I am intelligent (like as in being attractive – intelligent enough – as in when I compare myself to others, I don't see any thing to be concerned about), I apply myself – YET – to this day, I am not able to make enough money to cover what I need. And its really getting old.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back chat in my mind such as “what's wrong with me? I should be making more money by now! When am I going to get my shit together?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to others who are making more money than I am at this age of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and project that others are judging me as a loser, as incompetent, as a fool, as inferior because I am not making enough money to survive at this age in my life, when in fact it is me that is judging myself this way based upon artificial expectations that I should be doing better than I am now and also based upon comparisons to the pictures that others present of themselves as successful in this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inherently flawed / unable to survive in this system and that there is nothing that I can do about it to change and that this thus proven because my of lack of ability to financially support myself after 24 years of adulthood.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my pre-programmed mind design has been programmed to exist within and as poverty up until now, at least, and that within this I have neuropathways that are formed within and as my mind in a structural formation that guarantees that I will not achieve much financially, but that it is up to me to push in and reprogram / change my neuropathways tot the design and formation and structure that accommodates success and unconscious competency.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the point of unconscious incompetency within regards to earning money and creating wealth. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this unconscious incompetency is a bi-product of me upbringing, education, and downloaded personalities – but that I can change this into unconscious competency through pressing in and standing as change and changing my mind into and as the design of conscious competency and success and winning within and as this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the point of negative energy for most of my life wherein I have the tenancy to believe the worst about myself, judge myself negatively, and then react in fear and worry towards my own personal negative self judgments and backchat. I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this has created and drawn negative energy to me and thus negative circumstances wherein I am essentially creating my own fears. Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am the creator of my own personal bubble existence as within and as my postilion in the matrix as well as this existential reality as whole in every way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the negative.

I forgive myself that I have neglected to use the LOA for my own personal benefit within and as this system as it it designed now not realizing that the LOA (Law of Attraction) is actually what is required to be successful in this system and can be used as a tool for the betterment of all – yet to ignore the LOA and pretend that it is just system programming (which it is), will only leave me in my current position as financially poor and thus ineffective within this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this system for my position within and as the matrix, yet not realizing that although I am here within and as my position by design, it is I who give permission to this in the first place through my unconscious and unaware participation within and as it and acceptance of it as me as who I am. I forgive myself that although blame creates a point feeling good about my negative position within and as the matrix, that blame solves nothing and actually prevents me from making a difference and changing and taking responsibility.


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