Day 311 – Persistence

To be persistent, has a fine line between bugging someone and being effective, in my mind.  Also, although I do have a positive value system associated with the word ‘persistent’, there is a point of resistance that I have to being too persistent.  I mean, I don’t want to bug anyone with my persistence, and also I get bored with too much persistence as its like I just need to do something else other than the same thing over and over again.  The value in persistence, that I see, is that if one keeps doing something over and over again with the desire to achieve a result of some kind, then eventual a result will happen because it’s almost inevitable, unless impossible.

 

Dictionary Definition of Persistence:

: The quality that allows someone to continue doing something or trying to do something even though it is difficult or opposed by other people

: The state of occurring or existing beyond the usual, expected, or normal time

Sounding:

 

• Per cyst ants
• Peruses stance
• Pur sis stance
• Per sustenance

 

Charge: Negative (overall)

 

Self-forgiveness

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge persistence as ‘negative / bad’, overall within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through persistence I will be bugging others.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the point of possibly ‘bugging’ others through my actions or my persistence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to being ‘too persistent’ and thus limit my self-expression within and as the living of the word ‘persistent’ as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others who I perceive as persistent as being a ‘nuisance’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist persistence because I have judge the act of doing the same thing over and over again as negative / bad and boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define persistence and the act of persistence as boring and dull.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself a belief that being persistent is to live a boring and dull life- wherein, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place positive value in ‘my right’ to be spontaneous in my actions regardless of whether or not the point of being persistent will bring any value to my life or others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the act of being persistent because of memories that I hold onto from the past of when I was a child being called ‘persistent’ by my parents when and as they were actually saying this word to me to let me know to stop bugging them.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist persistence because ‘I don’t want to bug anyone’ of which is based upon memories, and thus I am just living in the past.

 

Creative Writing on Persistence:

• To like, Perseus, the Greek hero, persevere over the ‘enemy’, or difficulties one encounters.
• To make someone happy through one’s stance within the sounding ‘purr’, like a cat, sis ‘stance’
• To provide sustenance for self or others through one’s actions

 

Persistence, redefined: the act of returning to do something until a goal or purpose is achieved; with no expectations of how long or easy something should take, but instead within the self-commitment to simply return to do what is required no matter what until success is achieved.

 

I commit myself to be persistent and to live persistence as who I am in every here breath by simply directing myself to return to all tasks that I commit myself to until I reach my goals and objectives no matter the difficulty and without any expectations of how things should go.

 

When and as I see myself reacting in fear that I am being too persistent / pushy towards others, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this because I see, realize, and understand that so long as what I am doing is not within self-interest and am required to be done, and then what I am doing must stand.  I commit myself to apply myself within persistence and breathe through any resistance to doing so.

When and as I see myself judging the act of persistence as boring and self-limiting, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to judge this way because I see, realize, and understand that this judgment is not real, and that I am only limiting myself within the point that I have am limiting myself to be able to achieve my goals and fully express myself here.  I thus commit myself to breathe and press on with my actions.

Day 310 – Responsible

Responsible is a word to look at to see if I am really living it.  What is my relationship with this word?  I view being responsible as self-limiting to a certain extent.  Like, I can’t be too responsible because then I would not be able to enjoy life and life spontaneously.  I have also connected this word to boredom, mainly due to past memories where as a child every time my parents told me to be responsible it was always in connection to doing something that I did not want to do.  Thus, I judged this word and living this word as boring and thus I have a resistance, partially, to being responsible and taking responsibility.  Regarding taking responsibility, I see this as a bit self-limiting for the same reasons above.  Like, I can only go so far with responsibility.

Dictionary definition:

: Having the job or duty of dealing with or taking care of something or someone

: Able to be trusted to do what is right or to do the things that are expected or required

: Involving important duties, decisions, etc., that you are trusted to do

Sounding:

• Response-able

Charge: negative

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being responsible is self-limiting within the point that taking responsibility would mean that I would have to do things that I do not want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the point of being responsible with boredom, due to memories from when I was a child essentially interpreting the point of responsibility as doing something boring / that I don’t want to do, and then when I am done, my ‘responsibility’ is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not responsible for everything that is here, when in fact, I am everything that is here and everything that is here is a reflection of what I live within and as my self / my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask myself ‘how am I responsible for this’ when and as things come up that I have blamed others for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in blame towards others in my world as being responsible for what is here; when, I see, realize, and understand that everything that is here is either directly or indirectly created by me as a consequence of what I am living within my own mind.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I perceive that I am not responsible for a point that exists in this world, that this because of the extent of separation that I have been living within and as myself as well as a consequence of my not paying attention to consequence through my many lives in this existence. 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is ever a point that I can cast blame that I am not actually responsible for in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am in-fact limiting myself and my self-expression through the point of not taking self responsibility for everything that is here, bringing every thought, emotion, and feeling under investigation and ending my existence as the mind thus equalizing myself with all that is here as me thus taking full responsibility for what is here thus setting myself free to live my fullest potential as life, as substance, as all of existence as me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to ask myself the question, whenever the point of blame comes up: “how am I responsible for this?”  “Am I directly responsible or indirectly responsible?”  What can I do to take self-responsibility for this point?  If I am directly responsible, what physical actions can I to take self-responsibility?  If I am indirectly responsible, then: “what thoughts, personalities, desires, opinions, judgments, points of separation, etc. to I hold within myself that is being reflected back to me through this point that I have cast blame on?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for what is here and then within that, not take personal responsibility for it; thus, within this point, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through blame and thus not taking self-responsibility I thus limit myself / place limitations upon myself to not be able to be ‘response-able’ to and towards what is here, meaning that through blame and projection / not taking responsibility for everything that is here, that I thus dis-able myself / dis-engage myself from standing as the solution and thus limit myself and my self-expression.

When and as I see myself placing blame or projection on others, circumstances, or the laws of physics, for what is here, through my own backchat or words, I stop and I breathe.  I do accept and allow myself to cast blame because I see, realize, and understand that to cast blame I disable myself from moving myself towards what is best for all.  I see, realize, and understand that through not taking self-responsibility for what is here, either as a direct or indirect consequence of what I am living, that I then dis-able myself from taking any form of correct action whatsoever.  I see, realized, and understand that through taking and living responsibility within and as myself as my living expression, equal and one, as a self movement, that within this, I enable myself to be able to respond to what is here in a way that is best for all and in all ways.  Thus, I commit myself to live self-responsibility as who I am in every breath by always checking myself to see where I blame, whom I blame, who I blame, what I blame and also what I project of myself onto what is here, and then face these points of blame by releasing them through self forgiveness and then breathing and bringing myself back here as one and equal with all as self.  From here, I look for the solution and then enable myself to move as the solution through taking / living self-responsibility.

Creative Writing on Responsibility:

• The point of which one makes self ‘response-able’
• Never blaming and always looking within for the source of all that is here
• Being entrusted with tasks or commitments or important decisions that are best for all

 

Responsibility, redefined:  To enable and empower self to be response-able to and towards all tasks, duties, commitments, beings, and decisions by looking at how self is the source / cause of all that is here, either directly or indirectly, and then making the appropriate adjustments within self, to live what is best for the direct situation, and best for all, in all ways.

 

Day 309 - Discipline, III

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief system within and as myself that 'following a disciplined routine, where I have scheduled activities laid out before me in a manner that creates the best possible outcome in regards to my life, my well-being, my income, and my responsibilities to myself and others, would limit me and ability to enjoy my life to the fullest potential."  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that it is actually the exact opposite, that through discipline, and establishing a disciplined routine, I enable and empower myself to live and enjoy life to my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within the sounding of the word 'discipline' it can be seen that discipline enables one to fulfill his plans and to apply and integrate within self whatever one commits discipline towards within the point that discipline sounds like 'this I plan' and 'this I apply within.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and perceive the point of discipline as 'appalling', like discipline = this (is) appalling.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point of discipline as if I had just eaten really nasty food, where I become mind possessed with just how much I don't like it and then within that stay away from it at all costs without any consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through discipline I will be missing out on 'fun' when I see, realize, and understand that that fun is something that I define for myself and that thus believing that I am missing out on fun because of discipline is a complete mind fuck and completely imaginary.

When and as I see myself going into a resistance towards the point of discipline, where I accept and allow pre-programmed backchat to activate within and as my mind like 'how fucked up and boring life is when discipline is applied;' 'how I would rather do something else than live within a disciplined routine.', I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this reaction and backchat to exist within and as me because I see, realize and understand that I have charged the word discipline negatively and judged the point of discipline negatively within and as my mind due to past memories as a child where I formed opinions and beliefs about the point  of discipline without ever reconsidering them.  I see, realize, and understand that living the point of discipline as an expression of who I am in every breath will enable me and empower me to live to my fullest potential both for the sake of others and for all beings here, and within this enable and empower me to enjoy life to the fullest - because only through discipline, can I enable myself to work consistently, methodically, and persistently towards my goals, my dreams, and my purpose; of which, if aligned within what's best for all, will enable me to help create a world that is best for all and thus most enjoyable for all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that lacking discipline not only limits me, but also is a form of neglect to everything that is here within the point that if I do not move myself within the discipline of what is best for all in every breath, that I am thus accepting and allowing and giving permission for all the abuse that is here in this world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the past, as memories from when I was a child wherein I formed my resistance to discipline because I reacted negatively to the discipline that my parents invoked upon me.

Thus, I commit myself to stop the reactions, as backchats as beliefs, opinions, judgments, and resistances that come up to the point of discipline by simply taking a deep breath and deleting them as they come up.  From here, I commit myself to direct myself within the point of discipline and remind myself that through discipline I enable myself to live to my fullest potential where I will find my true enjoyment and enable myself to always live what is best for all. 

I commit myself to outline and design a routine of discipline, so that I can ensure that I take care of all points and commitments in my life and that I have made, respectively.  I commit myself to push through all resistance to discipline so that I can enable myself to apply within and fulfill my plans to be and achieve whatever it is that I set myself out to do. 

I commit myself to remind myself that a real equal and one living of joy and happiness is when I live here as the director of me, where I direct me to do and live here, as the physical of which is best for all, in every breath - of which never fades and is not dependant on what I do, but what I am living, and  thus when I see myself going into resistance towards discipline because I believe it will take away my joy, I remind myself of this point - and then commit myself to delete this backchat, breathe, and direct myself towards the discipline of real living, here, as breath. 

 

Creative Writing:

Discipline:

• self movement wherein one enables self to live 'this (that) I plan' (which sounds like discipline)
• directive self movement wherein one enable self to apply within self whatever one desires within the point of 'this I'pply In' (which sounds like discipline)
• where one disciples self or others to apply within and make happen whatever it is one set's out to do
• a routine that is formulated and then followed to bring about the desires, plans, and purpose of the individual
• a field of systematic study and practice
• the means by which one executes, invokes, and in-acts commitments, responsibilities, and purpose
• a means of which where one enables self to step in as the absolute authority of self and one's destiny.
• a system of rules of conduct, thought, methods, actions designed for a specific purpose

 

Discipline, redefined:  A self-directive movement wherein one applies a system of rules, conduct, codes, behaviors, a routine, and responsibilities wherein one enables and empowers self to achieve and apply within self whatever it is self set's out to do, accomplish, achieve, or create, and reach one's full potential.

Day 308 – Discipline, II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that discipline is a form of disciple-ing – where through discipline one is turning me into a disciple and thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline because I do not want to loose my ‘free-will’.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that free-will does not actually exist outside of moving self within the discipline of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see discipline as a form of deception, wherein through discipline I am not being true to myself / to my ‘free-will’ to just simply do whatever comes to my mind on a whim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word discipline to the word disciple and then go into a resistance towards discipline because of have connected it the word disciple, of which I have negatively charged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word disciple as negative / bad, in separation of myself; and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word discipline as negative / bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to discipline; and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea of discipline / being disciplined / administering discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid discipline because of the memories, as a child, of being disciplined wherein through being disciplined I felt as if I was being forced to do things against my will and thus this inhibited my ability to express and be who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that discipline is limiting to my self-expression because of memories that I hold, within and as myself, both of being disciplined by my parents and of the negative reactions and judgments that I had as a child to discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect discipline to control / being controlled because of memories that I hold, within and as myself, of feeling controlled by my parents as a child through discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the duties and requirements and the self-application that is necessary to assist myself to create myself as the best possible version of myself through discipline because of the negative reactions that I had towards discipline as a child growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to disciplining others and my children because I have projected my own reactions as memories to being disciplined onto them, as if they are reacting / will react negatively towards discipline just as I did within and as my own mind as a child to my parents – wherein, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the point of invoking the same reaction towards discipline that I had as a child.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that simplicity within the sound signature of the word discipline, wherein it sounds like ‘this I plan’, wherein through the point of living discipline within and as myself as who I am – I am able to enable myself to execute ‘this I plan’ / what I plan – thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through discipline, I empower myself to execute what it is that ‘this I plan.’

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the simplicity that is here within the sound signature of the word discipline – where it sounds like ‘this apply in. – wherein this sound signature tells me that through discipline I enable myself and empower myself to apply in / within self whatever it is that I choose to do, be, and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that discipline is a hindrance towards reaching full potential to express myself as who I am - not seeing, realizing, and understanding that who I am here can only be expressed in its fullest through the discipline of applying myself here in every breath where I move myself within and as the stability of breath here through the discipline of stopping my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see discipline as ‘this is appalling’ through the similar sound signatures here; and thus through seeing the act of discipline as appalling, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as justification to go into resistance to the act of empowering myself through discipline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the sound signature of the word discipline, where it sounds like ‘this I ply in’ of which shows me that through discipline, I literally ply / bend / turn myself into whatever it is that I commit myself to.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the sound signature of the word discipline, where it sounds like ‘this I plan’ of which this shows me that through discipline I enable / empower myself to execute that what it is that I plan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline because of memories of being disciplined by a disciplinarian as a child at school where in I reacted negatively and formed negative judgments as a child towards discipline and disciplinarians.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be seen by others as a disciplinarian and thus have avoided the point of discipline as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline both of myself and others because of the justification that I have created within and as myself that ‘I do not want to seem or be over-bearing.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my full potential both in this external world and within my own mind because I have resisted the point of discipline because I have judged discipline as negative due to memories and thus have created limitation within and as myself as a consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘rules’ as negative and thus resist discipline because I do not like rules.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline because I have judged rules as negative and thus do not want any rules.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief within and as myself that rules limit self-expression, when I see, realize, and understand that when rules are applied in a way that is best for all, that rules can enhanced and enable self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist discipline because I have associated it with punishment.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge punishment as negative due to memories as a child being punished and also due to the harsh nature of our penal system.  Within this, Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the correction administered in connection with discipline that I remember as a child does not necessarily have to be done in the same way and, thus there is no reason to avoid discipline just because I am mind fucked on the point of punishment.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to assert myself within the point of discipline and punishment to find other solutions to maintain discipline that I can create and apply as the creator of myself, here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid discipline because of the justification that I have created within and as myself that ‘I do not want to over burden myself with things that I do not want to do.’ – when in fact, through my lack of discipline, I have consigned myself to a life of not doing what I want to do because I lack the discipline require to apply myself / to ply myself in / to apply my plans to reach my full potential and thus enable myself to do things that are of myself that I am not even aware at this time – through discipline / disciple-in myself.

 

Day 307 – Discipline, I

The point of discipline has come into my awareness recently.  So, I am here going to look at this word to see how I can better live it as who I am in every breath.

 

Self Allocation Point:

 

Discipline is connected to punishment, for me, from the point that in grade-school it was the ‘disciplinarian’ AKA the teacher or the principle who administered ‘punishment’ to us kids when we were ‘bad’ or ‘out of line’ within the established order of things.  I fear discipline to a certain extent and feel that it is limiting to my self-expression.  I avoid too much discipline.  I fear disciplining others, especially my kids, for the sake of having them avoid the over-bearingness that I went through as my interpretation of my experience within being ‘disciplined’ as a child.  I have a fair amount of discipline integrated within and as my ‘who I am’ within the point that I get up every morning and take care of the commitments that I have established; however, I don’t follow through to the fullest nor do I commit myself to too much due to fear of becoming over-burdened with things that I ‘don’t want to do.’  I see discipline as more of a hindrance than a facilitator to reaching my full potential as my self-expression – however, I see discipline as a facilitator to reaching my full potential as within my income earning abilites, etc.  So, I am split on this word.   Also, I have connections with strictness, authority, and rule to this word, all of which I ‘resist’.

 

Dictionary Defintion:

 

dis·ci·pline

disəplən/

noun

noun: discipline

1. the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

"a lack of proper parental and school discipline"

synonyms:

control, training, teaching, instruction, regulation, direction, order, authority, rule, strictness, a firm hand; More routine, regimen, drill, drilling "a lack of proper parental discipline"

• ·        “the controlled behavior resulting from discipline.
• ·        "he was able to maintain discipline among his men"

synonyms:

control, training, teaching, instruction, regulation, direction, order, authority, rule, strictness, a firm hand; More routine, regimen, drill, drilling "a lack of proper parental discipline" good behavior, orderliness, control, obedience; self-control, self-discipline, self-government, self-command, self-restraint "he was able to maintain discipline among his men"

• activity or experience that provides mental or physical training.  plural noun: disciplines

            "the tariqa offered spiritual discipline"

• a system of rules of conduct.

     "he doesn't have to submit to normal disciplines"

• a branch of knowledge, typically one studied in higher education.
• "sociology is a fairly new discipline"

synonyms:

field (of study), branch of knowledge, subject, area; specialty "sociology is a fairly new discipline"

verb

verb: discipline; 3rd person present: disciplines; past tense: disciplined; past participle: disciplined; gerund or present participle: disciplining

• train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

            "many parents have been afraid to discipline their children"

synonyms:

train, drill, teach, school, coach; regiment "she had disciplined herself to ignore the pain"

 

 

Sounding:

 

Discipline:

• This I plan
• This appaulling
• This I applying
• This I pull
• Disciple
• Disciple-ing
• Decept line
• This I ply in

 

Charge: Negative