Day 285 – The ‘Don’t Waste My Time’ Character

I was at someone’s office the other day per his request to show me a way that I can make more money through Internet marketing.  The idea was great and the concept that he was communicating I already understood before the meeting took place per his prior phone explanation.  I was thinking that since he already conveyed the main point to me that our office meeting wouldn’t take that long.  Instead, I wound up waiting an hour for him at his office and then when we finally met, he went on and on about the same thing over and over again.  This got highly annoying to me.  I would roll my eyes when he wasn’t looking. 

So, then, I stated to notice all the reactions that I was having to this and then jotted down just enough so that I could remember this point to write about it.  So, here, I am.  Here is the SF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become annoyed at the length of time that I had to endure while at X’s office.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped while at Xs office.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel controlled while at Xs office.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disrespected within the point that X was not ‘respecting my time.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X for wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into blame and frustration within and as my mind within and as my back-chat towards X in order to feel ‘better’ about being dis-respected, having my time ‘wasted’, and putting strain on me because of all the other responsibilities that I have to face for the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel strained and stressed due to all the other responsibilities that I have to face for the day and my time being ‘wasted’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my time can be wasted, and then react in anger and blame towards X for wasting my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not say anything and speak up for myself, where I step in and direct the situation and say ‘I am sorry, but I must move on now.’- because I did not want to ‘hurt’ Xs feelings or cause any discord between us; mainly because X was doing me a favor in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I ‘owe’ X my undivided time because he is doing me a ‘favor’, in that he is helping me with how I can also do some internet marketing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X for wasting my time, when in fact this is only to hide the truth from myself that I am reacting in fear and bound by fear of making X feel bad if I were to stand up and say ‘I have to go now.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea of letting X know that I no longer have enough time for him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roll my eyes at X when he was not looking.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that blaming, rolling my eyes, and being frustrated are all done to make myself ‘feel’ better and ‘empowered’ as a solution to feeling trapped, disrespected, and like my time is being wasted.  Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to balance the scales of energy through blame and frustration, which creates the illusion of feeling empowered and like I am actually doing something about that what I am facing, which is the negative experience of feeling disrespected, and stressed about my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat ‘my time is being wasted’, and any back-chat related to this point that.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that participating in back-chat like ‘it is Xs fault; he is wasting my time; why does he have to keep repeating himself, etc.’ only layers and accumulates to a point of emotional reaction – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back-chat of which sets my up for emotional reactions when I can just stop, delete, breathe, and find practical solutions, instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself and my mind the ‘don’t waste my time character’ where I have a series of reactions all pre-programmed to the point of someone that I perceive to be wasting my time.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a sense of importance within stepping into this character – as if I am very important and thus as a very important person, I must not have my time wasted and also I must react in a way to show that I am this important person.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘un-important’ and un-recognized by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a fear reaction to the point of standing up for myself and saying ‘I have to go now.’  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how X will perceive and react to me, if I stand up.

When and as I see myself in a situation where I perceive someone to be wasting my time, and then I go into all kinds of back-chat related to blame, beings stressed, worried about my time, being disrespected, and frustration, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this.  I see, realize, and understand that within the point of perceiving my time being wasted by another that I am reacting negatively due to stress, worry, and fear, of which then compels to balance the scales with blame and frustration.  I see, realize, and understand that both sides of this equation, the negative and the positive reactions, are of my own creation as energy in my own mind in separation from what is actually here, going on in the physical.  I see, realize, and understand that going into stress, worry, fear, blame, anger, and frustration will not solve any thing in the physical.  Thus, I commit myself to remain here and breathe and stop all backchat and emotional reactions when I am in this situation again.  I commit myself to remind myself that I have already forgiven this point and realized that reacting emotionally will not solve or help anything.  I commit myself to stand up and say ‘I have to go’ in the most polite and un-offensive way the next time that this point occurs. 

When and as I see myself stepping into the ‘don’t waste my time’ character, where I create within and as myself a sense of self-importance through acting out this character, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this.  I see, realize, and understand that we are all equally important as life, regardless of who we are in this system.  I see, realize, and understand that if I am gaining a feeling of importance through acting out this character, that that means that I have mis-placed my self-importance and self-value to within and as things that I can do, accomplish, and present myself as within this system as opposed to living the realization that my importance is always in-fact equal with all life here regardless of circumstances.  Thus, I commit myself to face my self as ‘important’ and ‘valuable’ equally as life.  I commit myself to stop acting in character and to stop presenting pictures of me as important, and start living me as equally important as life where I breathe and do not react, but only walk in the physical as a physical being and treat others as I would like to be treated myself.