Day 288 – Self Trust to breathe through that what I fear, part 3

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to develop self trust, where I trust myself that I can stand be here and remain stable, breathing, and as my own support no matter what I face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear, worry, and anxiety my ‘security blanket’, where I feel naked without it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to not reacting in fear and worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a limit to what I can stand and breath in and after that I let fear and worry take over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mind-possessed with fear and worry, wherein I have automated reactive mind patterns and back-chats playing out over and over again in my head, separating myself from what is here.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand up, in the moment that I have a mind possession of fear and worry, and speak self-forgiveness out load in a calm stable and resonate voice that enables me to break the patterns that exist within and as my mind in those moments.  From here, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to speak self-forgiveness on all the thoughts of worry and fear that I participated in so that I can release them and not accept and allow them to accumulate into future mind possessions.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled and dominated by my mind, against my will as the physical, because I have connect fear to standing up and have participated in the belief that I need this fear and worry to protect because within this belief, I can see that I have no self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I accept and allow fear, worry, and lack of self-trust, to accumulate within and as me / my mind, that this will contribute to a condition of perpetual nervousness and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by memories of my mother not having trust that I will be ‘ok’ to ride my bike as far as all my friends could when I was a boy.  Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take my mother’s worry and concern personally, where I believed that it was because of me, personally not being capable or deserving enough, to be able to ride my bike as far as my friends could at the same age when I was a boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by memories of my mother always seeming worried and frantic, in my memory as a child, where I modeled after her to always handle myself in the same exact way – through fear and worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by memories of my father ‘disappearing’ mysteriously when I was about 5; wherein, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take that personally, where I believed that it was my fault and that there must be something wrong with me as to why he disappeared.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, as a consequence of taking my father’s disappearance personally, to never have any real self trust nor any self confidence because I had already lost my father when all my friends seemed to have theirs.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that real self-trust is developed when and as one stands and breathes and supports self to remain stable, as the breath and as the physical, consistently over time – where after enough time, one can look back and see and verify through experience that self has the ability to stand through anything.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remain stable and breathe on all points that I have faced in my process thus far – thus contributing and sustaining my pre-existing condition of lack of self-trust, because I can see that I have not been there for myself on all points in the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to create self-trust within and as myself through the application of remaining here as the physical and breathing through all that I face in my physical reality and also in my reacting energetic mind reality.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create a self trust, within and as myself, that I can stand and breathe through anything and that I have the ability to always find and walk the best possible solution.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into the expectation character, where I expect that the best solution is always a free ticket out of any danger that I face, but it is not – the best solution is just the best solution – it does not mean that I do not have to face consequences.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to consequences and to believe that fear can mitigate consequence, when it cannot.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply apply the practical solution, to the adversities and challenges that I face, of using my mind to compare, project, and analyze all possible outcomes of an event or situation to find the best possible solution; then from there, use my mind to both imagine and walk with myself through the worst possible outcome and the best possible outcome – breathing within stability within both and releasing through forgiving any fear, despair, or worry that comes up on the worst case, and also releasing through forgiving and breathing any hope, excitement, and anticipation that comes up on the best case scenario – where I remain stable no matter the outcome, positive or negative.  From there, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ‘put the matter to bed’ when and as I have used my mind and sorted out all the potentials and my practical solution for what I face - where I simple stop thinking about it, and instead apply myself with the physical practical solution and simply breathe.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I continue obsessing about a situation that I have already sorted out, that this indicates that I lack the self-trust that I have indeed sorted out the situation properly and that I can indeed stand through anything that I face.