In a situation where I do not / not sure how to act
therefore react with disempowerment and inferiority thus giving the situation /
being authority over me as superior to me within that context and then go into
fear and then insecurity towards that being / situation.
The other day, I was at my brother-in-law’s house at night
and our kids were running around. We
were in the garage with the garage door 1/3rd open. The boys walked through the opening and into
the darkness of the night in the driveway.
I noticed this, but continued to talk to my brother-in-law not paying
much attention. Some time went by, not
sure how much, and then I noticed that I could not hear the boys and the last
thing that I remember was they slipped through the garage door. Realizing that I had no idea how much time
they were gone and that it was nighttime, I went into a slight panic. I asked my b-n-l if he knew where the boys
were and he was not sure. He made a
cursory look in the house and could not find them. At that moment, I because very panicky. I went out through the partially open garage door and yelled out
into the night walking into the open to get as much of a view as possible, but
could not see or hear them. Then anger
triggered as I got pissed that the boys would just run off like that into the
night. I walked quickly home (I live a
few doors down), and got my car and started back down the road towards my
b-n-l’s house. While driving I started
having thoughts of how this time I would definitely spank the boys and I
started imagining myself yelling at them and telling them how foolish they were
/ are and how they are putting themselves in danger and not considering
others. I felt helpless, like I would
not know what to do with myself if I were not to find them. As soon as I drove by my b-n-l’s house with
my window down, my b-n-l walked out into his yard and yelled, “found them
inside!” At that moment, relief hit,
still with anger a bit, but with the realization that I could not possibly by
angry with them since they actually were inside the whole time.
So, in this situation, the boys going missing because a point
of insecurity with me, where I did not know what to do or what I would do or
say our how I would account for myself if they were missing and thus their
seemingly being missing because a point of authority / superiority over me
where I felt disempowered within the point that if I were to find them it would
only be if they happened to be still on the streets somewhere and not kidnapped
or something. I felt uncertain as to where to go looking for them first; and
within this I then felt insecure about the whole situation. Then as a matter of regaining my power, I
created the illusion of authority / superiority and knowing how to handle this
situation by reacting in anger towards them where I imagined just how angry I would
be and act towards them when and as I found them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react in panic to the perception that our boys had gone missing outside.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react in anger when and as I realized that, at least it seemed, the boys had
gone off into the night.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react with thoughts like “what would I do or say or how would I account for
myself if the boys were really missing?” to the trigger of realizing that they
may be missing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react with thoughts like “holy shit.
They’re missing! They’re off in
the night somewhere! How can they be so
foolish!?” to the trigger of my realizing that they may be missing. Within this, I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to react with blame towards our boys for what seem
to be them running off into the night wherein I am blaming them for not taking consideration
for their actions when it was I who was not considering my own actions in
paying better attention to them. Within
this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and
understand that blaming our boys for what appeared to be them running off was
in fact a way for me to create the illusion of empowerment / superiority within
and as myself from a starting point of feeling disempowered / inferior to the
situation and also as a being who was not paying attention enough to know where
our boys were in the first place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react with feeling powerless / disempowered to the situation of having our boys
go seemingly missing within the point that I am powerless over the outcome of
whether I find them or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate in the backchat “I have no idea if I will find them or not – it’s
completely up to chance!” Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to react with the emotional energy of disempoweredness
towards this situation thus giving this situation authority over me. Within this, I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to react with feeling inferior to this situation. Within the point of feeling disempowered,
inferior, and uncertain as to what to do or where to begin to look, I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in insecurity to this
situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react in anger to / towards our boys as a way to create the illusion within and
as myself / my mind of power, superiority, certainty, and control over this
situation. Within this, I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with backchat like “I
can’t believe they just ran off! How
could they be so stupid? How could they
be so selfish? I will definitely spank
them for this! If anything gets the
point across and is deserving of a spanking, it is this!” of which fuels and
charges the positive feelings experiences being empowered, in-control, and
superior to this situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
go into imaginations about all the things that I would say and do to the boys,
in my anger, in order to “teach them a lesson” in order to make myself feel
better / create the illusion within and as myself, about the situation at hand,
that I am superior, in-control, and empowered which is a positive experience
that I am attempting to create within and as my imagination as a reaction /
solution to the negative experience of feeling, disempowered, inferior,
fearful, and insecure.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react in fear to the backchat of “not knowing where my boys are / not being
able to know for sure if I can find them / not knowing what might happen to
them / the consequences to myself if I were to actually loose them”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
react in uncertainty towards the best resolution of this situation as in where
to look first and if I could even find them.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that the solution to my emotional reactions of fear,
uncertainty, disempowerment, inferiority, panic, uncertainty, and then insecurity
is to simply slow down, stop all the back-chat through breathing and deleting
the thoughts that come up and also grounding myself through the breath by
moving the emotional energies from my body into my chest area in the in-breath
and then releasing them through the out-breath until I am clear.
When and as I see myself in a situation where it seems that
my boys are missing or that they are doing something that they are not supposed
to be doing that could be dangerous or detrimental for them, and then I start
reacting in panic with thoughts like “where are the boys? Oh shit!” and then my heartbeat increases
and my breathing becomes quick and shallow while I pace around in a form of
restlessness, I stop and I breathe. I
do not accept and allow myself to go into a panic when and as it seems / or I
have lost my boys or that they are doing something that they are not supposed
to be doing that is dangerous or detrimental to them, physically. I see, realize, and understand that panic
will not help me whatsoever in remedying the situation at hand and that the
best course of action is to remain calm, breathe, and then formulate the best
course of action to take and walk it breath by breath.
When and as I see myself reacting with the emotional
energies of disempoweredness, uncertainty, and fear towards the observation and
back-chat that “our boys seem to have run-off into the night and that I do not
know where they are and that they may by kidnapped or lost and that there is no
guarantee that I can even find them and I have no power to call them or summon
them into my presence” – I stop and I breathe.
I do not accept and allow myself to participate in the illusionary
energy experience of disempowerdness. I
do not accept and allow myself to participate in fear. I see, realize, and understand that
disempoweredness is an illusion and that fear will not do anything to protect
me or solve my problem. Instead, I
direct myself / commit myself to breathe in drawing the energy of these
emotions into my chest area while at the same time stopping my thoughts /
backchats, and then breathe out, breathing these energies out of my body and
grounding myself here in the physical.
I see, realize, and understand that no matter the situation, the best
course of action is to always remain here, stable, within and as each breath
and the physical where it is that I enable myself / empower myself to be as
effective and directive as possible thus giving / gifting to myself that best
possible chances of success.
When and as I see myself reacting in disempowerment,
inferiority, fear, and then insecurity to and towards a situation that I have
thereby given authority to and over me, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept
and allow myself to go into the experience of insecurity because I see,
realize, and understand that I create this experience within and as myself
through my acceptance and allowance the polarities of empowerment /
disempowerment, and superiority / authority / inferiority / submission to exist
within and as my mind as if they were physically real instead of what they are
in fact- mind illusions. I see realize,
and understand that as the physical / as physicality, I am in-fact equal and
one with all that is here and that I step into my true power and authority and
self-security when and as I stand as the physical, breath, and direct myself as
the physical without any mind-interference or energies directing me – when I
direct me here. I thus commit myself to
remind myself, in those moments, that I am in-fact equal and one with what I
have given authority / superiority to, so that I commit myself to breathe and
ground myself here where I thus empower myself as all as one as equal. From here, I direct myself to find the best
possible solution to the situation that I face and walk it breath by breath
stopping all thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behavioral patterns as they come
up.
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