Day 407 Its been 3 years

It's been 3 years since my last post on my journey to life.  Not sure where the time went.  It does not seem as if it was 3 years ago.  So, what happened?  In short,  it's easier to go with the flow. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to "go with the flow" of my pre-programmed personalities because it is easier than living and standing in and as self-honesty, and thus applying self forgiveness and corrective application consistently so that I can support myself to change / to stop living as my pre-programmed virtual self and birth myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste time chasing energetic experiences so that I can satisfy the cravings of me as my mind consciousness system instead using the time, that I have, to apply myself to introspect in self-honesty so as to support myself map out my mind patterns so that I can then apply self forgiveness and then construct corrective application solutions that I can then apply daily, within and as each breath, consistently to slowly but surely change overtime / stop the mind patterns that I have accepted and allowed myself to to exist within and as over time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to change and thus react within this point by giving up and doing nothing to support myself to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change because of my experience with writing in that when I use writing to map out a pattern that I seek to correct, that my experience is that I freeze up and unable to do so. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the idea that walking process is somehow missing out on living life, when it is exactly the opposite - I am not and have not been living life, but merely living pre-programmed patterns as personalities as the mind where I repeat patterns like cycles chasing energetic experiences unto infinity / never ending - like a hamster on a wheel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too tired to do process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writings as "no good" and then react with fear towards writing and then seek other behaviors to participate in instead so that I can forget about what I must do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist accepting the responsibility that I have, and that each has equally, to stand up and change to what is best for all.  And what is best for all is to not exist as the mind, to not exist as patterns and personalities, and to not exist as a being chasing energetic experiences, but rather what is best for all is to live here in every moment of breath as the physical where one is the same and not fluctuating emotionally or energetically in any way. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the change that I want to see in this world takes application and time, but starts with me.  If I cannot change myself, then I cannot change this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste precious time chasing after energetic experiences instead of applying myself in every moment to stop existing within and as patterns of the mind, as beliefs, as ideas, as fears, as judgments. 

I commit myself to walk a process of self-honesty, self forgiveness, and corrective application wherein I apply myself in and as the breath and as the physical, in every moment daily.  I commit myself push through all resistances to walking my process so as to support myself to be consistent and thus change for real into what is best for all as the physical.