Day 410 - Suppression

Recently the point of suppression came up.  The point of crystallized suppressions, to be exact.  The point of becoming your suppressions, to be even more exact.  The point of drug induced crystallized suppressions to be even more exact than the last more exact.  Then I thought to myself "what are my suppressions?  What do I suppress?  I am not even sure, really".  Probably so, because I am suppression my suppressions from myself, I suppose.  Then I realized that this needs to be explored.  I need to know what my suppressions are so that I can free myself from them and stop suppressing.  And if I have, indeed, crystallized suppressions, then I really need to get started on this, like, asap; in order to do the extra work required to remove these crystallizations - and heaven forbid, I become my crystalyzed suppressions?  Have I already become my crystalized suppressions?

So, got on Eqafe, and listened to Kryon's "How to Stop Suppressing" to help clarify things in this department.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when thoughts, ideas, perceptions, beliefs, judgments, pictures, memories come up / pop-up in my mind, react to them, which is separation, instead of seeing these things as mirrors - something to be looked at, equal and one with me here, and investigated.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I react to things that come up in my mind, that I am forming relationships with them, which is separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to edit / change things that come up in my mind to make it better / more acceptable - of which is a form of suppression.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that anything that comes up in my mind such as secret indulgences / desires wherein I only share with certain people, are in fact also suppressions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that whenever I become defensive, or deny, or create a delusion around anything that I do not wish to see about myself is also a suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide things from myself and others through suppression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to bring a point here, and write about it exactly as it is without dressing it up or changing it in someway through thinking about the point / reasoning about it / rationalizing about it - of which is suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change the nature of what is coming up within and as me as my mind of which is suppression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the key to not suppressing is to face things that come up in my mind exactly as they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the idea of crystallized suppressions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because of the belief and idea that bringing a point here and writing it out exactly as it is - is impossible to do because I am not capable of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, think, and perceive that I am not capable of the "level" of self honesty to both see and face my suppressions exactly as they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my suppressions and to fear the point that I have suppressions.

I forgive msyelf that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that radical breath is the key to supporting myself to slow down to see what I suppress and the exact nature of it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that although I may have "crystallized suppressions" - breath-by-breath I can take them out.

I commit myself to slow down enough to see and map out my suppressions through the self support of radical breath and then write them out one by one until it is done and I am clear of suppressions living here equal and one within and as the physical, as Life - and no longer a systems of energetic slavery as the mind.