Day 357 – The Defender of What is “Right” Character

Continued from day 356

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to defend what is right / the truth / what is real and within this justify acting out and speaking within reactions towards others who have offended the faith of what is right / true / real. 
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that there is no ‘right / wrong’ and there is no truth other than what is physically here and physically verifiable as being here – and thus within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what is real does not have to be defended because it is here regardless and thus what is real only needs to be realized and lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within believing that I have to defend what is right, go into a superiority character where I have polarized myself as the positive / superior defender of the faith vs. the negative / inferior wrong minded infidel – and then feed off of this superiority energy while I am in defense mode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow any words or actions of others that contradict what I have learned or realized as true and real, to then trigger reactions within and as me of backchat about how fucked up they are of which can sometimes completely mind possess me and separate me from here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I am being personally attacked when and as someone speaks or moves in ways that I perceive as dishonest or mathematically incorrect within and as common sense.

When and as I see myself stepping into this ‘defender of what is right character / you’re full of shit character’, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow to go into this energy / for this character to exist within and as me because I see, realize, and understand that it is complete bullshit, that there is nothing to defend because what is real is here regardless of whether I defend it or not, and also that I am just using this point to create a self-righteous / superiority character which is even more bullshit.  I see, realize, and understand that my initial reaction of feeling attacked is not real and that my subsequent reaction of going into the defender of the faith / your full of shit character is only serving to create positive experiences of self-righteousness and superiority.  Thus, I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to go into this backchat when and as it comes up, by reminding myself to slow down and breathe and delete this backchat / not participate in it, and that I am here and what is real is here and nothing needs to be defended.  I commit myself to instead turn the fingers at myself and start asking myself questions like “why am I offended?”  Why am I so upset here?”  “What am I doing / living that this being is reflecting back towards me?” – I commit myself to ask these questions for two reasons: 1: to diffuse the energy and backchats that are coming up as reactions and 2: to use these points as opportunities for self-change and self-expansion as the physical in awareness and as the breath.  I commit myself to move my hands, grab something and feel it, tap my fingers, tap my feet, focus on the 4 count breath – all of these or just one, so long as it is supportive in grounding the energy / reactions that I am having towards the other being, until I am clear.  I commit myself to not speak to the being, except minor common courtesies, until I am clear and stable and thus to only speak form a starting point of physical stability so that I can be the most supportive to life as possible.