Day 361 – All thought is paranoia

All thought is paranoia.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately.  Thus I’ve been really paranoid.  I’ve been paranoid about potentially deleterious consequences that could arise from my acting rashly.  It’s interesting how this comes up. Like I act rashly, but of course I do not perigee it as rashly at the time.  Then, I start mapping out all the potential consequences that could arise from my actions.  Then, if those consequences are potentially deleterious, I then start thinking about all the possible solutions non-stop.  Yet, I have worked with myself on this point quite a number of times in the past, and I am able to pull myself together quite a bit faster than in the past.

Nonetheless, I’ve been thinking about this point of all thought is paranoia, and that thus the more that I think, the more paranoid I must be.  I am paranoid of suffering potential and theoretical loses that I can’t imagine that I can get through.  These loses are all-theoretical at this time!  LOL.  Nothing as of now has actually happened!  LOL. 

So, I’ve managed to slow myself down and breathe and seek out and find the most effective prophylactic solutions and then direct myself to execute them swiftly and effectively.  There are no loopholes in my strategy here.  It took me a couple of days to completely work through this; however, even in the midst of this worry outbreak, I was far less mind possessed than I could have been should I have not done any writing or work with myself on this point in the past.

But this episode brought up the point that ‘all thought is paranoia’ to my attention.  All though is indeed paranoia.  Why would one even have a though if one is completely here, breathing, and self-directing?  When one moves within and as the breath, where there are no energies directing self, and directs self to move in the most practical way with no self interest – always moving within what is best for all, and has already spent the time to map out the very best solutions for what one is engaging in – then why even participate in a single thought on the matter unless one is actually paranoid about what might happen otherwise?  I ask myself this every time I have a thought “what am I paranoid about?”  For instance, if you see someone and you don’t like their outfit and you have the thought “what a crappy outfit!” – ask yourself “what am I paranoid about to have this thought?”  You could actually be paranoid about your own outfit and your own superiority / inferiority standing in relation to what you where that you are then projecting onto some innocent by-stander when you judge their outfit as crappy.  You see, it may not seem like all thought is paranoia, but when you look at it like I just delineated here, I hope you can see that there is a paranoia root to every single though that you have.

So, ask yourself always when you have a thought “what am I paranoid about!”

I’ve been paranoid, these last couple of days, about loosing everything, about loosing my wife, my kids, my house, my social standing, my reputation – everything.  I have these thoughts of paranoia at times when I make foolish decisions and then look back on them.  I start thinking incessantly about the potential harm and the potential solutions.  So, what am I paranoid about really though?  Is it really loosing everything or is more about me not trusting myself to be able to stand in a total lose of everything – as if I will be inferior if I loose everything – as if I will be less than others if I loose everything – as if I will not be able to get what I want to fulfill my self definition if I loose everything – as if I will be seen by others as a looser and as inferior if I loose everything.  So, am I paranoid about loosing everything or paranoid about who I would be should I loose everything?

But, more broadly, I see, realize, and understand that I am every single though that I participate in shows me that I am paranoid about something.

I am working to stop the paranoia because I see, realize, and understand that it does not serve any purpose other than to enslave me to energy patterns of the mind.

It’s time to stand and breathe where I stand as self-assurance that I will be who I am regardless of what I win or loose.