Day 212 – Work

So, I’ve been looking at my relationship to work and have been seeing that it is generating stress within and as me.  The stress is subtle, but it is there.  So, it has been easy to overlook and even suppress. 

What I am seeing, when I look at it, is that the very act of going to work initiates fear, resistance, and also back-chat regarding what I need to get done, how I am going to go about it, that I don’t particularly ‘enjoy’ it, and that I am not sure where to start all the time – should I do this?  Or would it be more effective if I do that?  I also have this tension when at work like as if a form of protection while I go through the agony of going to work.  Nothing that I face of this system is too extensive where it is like in my conscious mind all the time.  Rather, it is there in the background and easy to miss and overlook and suppress.   Just the word ‘work’ evokes this work personality system to activate within and as me. 

So, like I go to work and then the subtle work personality activates wherein I am like a little stressed and a little tensed already before anything really even happens.  Then I have all these things that I need to get done and it is stressful just picking out what I should do first and what would be most effective.  Then as the day goes by, I get frustrated at little things and people who ‘get in my way’ of getting things done most effectively – yet, I waste a lot of time also doing little things here and there / taking breaks, etc – all to alleviate this subtle stress / tension and also to ‘escape’ from the drooling work that I have to do – day in and day out – the same fucking thing everyday of my life until I day because I can’t even save money to get ahead!

Yet, from a practical standpoint, my work actually, fortunately, is quite easy on a physical level and even on a mental level.  All I have to do is some easy mental and physical tasks, the same things over and over again – and voila – money appears in my bank account.  Now, it’s not much money, but it gets me by; and the work is boring and repetitive and unfulfilling overall (at times it can be very fulfilling however), but the work is easy in and of itself.  So, from a practical standpoint, I should just go to work, get what I need to get done in the most effective manner as to assure maximum income potential and then go home and that is it.  No stress, no tension, no battling required to get this done.  I just do it and that is it. 

Moreover, really when one considers it, all work is exactly the same.  Work is just something that needs to be done in order to obtain money, or ‘order’ within the point of keeping clean, organized, etc, or to assist someone.  There should be no reaction in this.  It’s all the same and it is the majority of what needs to be done. 

So, why not just wake up and get what needs to be done, done with no reactions and no resistance?  I often think to myself that ‘it would be so cool if my reaction to work were the same as it is to just sitting around and relaxing’ – in that in the end, everything is just me doing something and so long as that something that I am doing is not physically excruciating and uncomfortable, then what is the fucking problem?  Why not just live and do what is required and get it done and also within that be able to be here and stable and constant in that I am the same person no matter what I am doing?  I mean, I have thought many times that it would be so cool if going to work was the same internal experience as it is going to the store on the weekend, right?  Wouldn’t that be cool?  Like I just go to work.  No big deal.  I am totally cool - totally calm and relaxed just as if I were going to a cool store on the weekend.  I mean, after all, its just different physical activities with different names.  One is called work.  And the other is called play.  But both require me to move my physical body and apply my mind in slightly different ways but overall not to any real significance, really.  I mean, I get up and put my clothes on and walk to work and sit and walk while at work just like if I were going to the store or sitting around reading, working in the garage on my hobbies, etc.  It’s all just the same shit with a different name.  Is it not?

So, I guess I probably also has a resistance to the word ‘work’.  I have had so since I was a kid.  I can remember when my parents told me they had ‘work’ for me to do that I would become all disappointed, stressed out to a certain extent, and would try to avoid it at all costs.  Yet, what did I do in the end?  I picked some shit around the house, organized some things, wiped some countertops off and stuff like that and in the end it was just me moving my physical body around getting things done just like I would have done if I were off playing somewhere.

So, really, there is no work and there is no play.  Everything is just a physical application.  That is it.  The stress, the pleasure, the emotions and feelings that arise within the activities that one does are based upon how one defines those activities and defines self within those activities.   Some people LOVE work.  They work all the time.  There work is there relaxation.  So, why is this?  Because their work is soooo coooool?  Who knows, but regardless, reacting to things that need to be done because one has labeled what needs to be done as something like ‘work’ is a pointless, fruitless exercise of separation from what is here and is not necessary and also creates experiences both positive and negative that are not real, not of the physical here – but of the mind as energy.

So, over the next so many writings, I will be doing self forgiveness on work, I will probably redefine the word work, and walking self-commitments so that I can change my relationship to work so that work becomes just another thing that I do to ensure my survival and self-responsibility within this system as it exists now both to self and to others – where there is no reactions and resistances that cause stress and tensions any longer within and as me – where when I go to work, I am clear and it is just another activity that is required to do.  Just like going to the bathroom.  I need to go the bathroom in order to take care of my body.  I don’t go into stress and tension while I go to the bathroom because fortunately, LOL, I have not labeled that as work!

To be continued…

 

211 – SF on the topic of the ‘idea’ of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from the starting point of the idea of myself / of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a ‘survivor’ – where I survive / I do what is needed to survive no matter what I face.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘someone who cares about this environment planet and others’ in separation from myself as who I actually am within and as my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I look good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself from the starting point of my experience of myself rather than from the starting point of self-honesty and self-awareness wherein I simply acknowledge who I am within what I am actually in-fact living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ‘shy’ from because of my experience of being intimidated to talk to new people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that being shy meant that I was something special or different than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that I am shy because I am more intelligent and thoughtful than others.  Within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I created this belief, in separation of myself, as way to support my existence as an ego / to create a positive experience of myself to counteract the negative experience that I already had of myself which caused the ‘shyness’ in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my shyness is, really in-fact, rooted in an overall experience of fear and feeling less than others / inferior to others -thus feeling bad about myself in secret / as a suppressed experience; and that within that, I created the idea of myself and justification of my ‘shyness’ in that I am this ‘superior being of special-ness and high-intelligence’ as an explanation for my condition of shyness so that I can cover up and hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief and idea of myself that I am a good person and that therefore I am not responsible for the suffering on this planet when in actuality I am doing everything on this planet both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ through my continued participation in my mind and the alternate reality of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions of anger, anxiety, nervousness, stress, fear, frustration, and spite because these emotions do not fit into the idea of myself.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that holding an idea of myself and then suppressing everything that I see within myself that does not match the idea of myself is not going to bring about the idea of myself into a living reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself that I am considerate of others because that image / idea of myself makes me feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of myself so that I can feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based upon my experience of self and also my ideas of who I really want to be – all in separation from what is here as myself in-fact / as who I really am living as.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that who I am as the physical, as breath, of life is the totality of what is here already within and as how what is here is existing.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all I have to do to see who I am living as is observe this reality as it is in absolute self-honesty.  Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide from myself as what is here as war, starvation, rape, murder, and all forms of abuse towards man, animal, and the planet within and as the pictures of who I am as ideas and believes that exists in my mind in separation from what is actually here as me.  

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if the idea of myself as ‘good’ were really ‘true’ then that would be reflected in a world where non-suffered and all lived a dignified life.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that until this world is a world that is best for all, that I have not lived and realized myself as ‘good’ and that my ideas and definitions of self are not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in separation from what is here in this physical reality as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself based on my experience of myself within and as the energies of feelings and emotions – wherein I define myself within the positive and negative polarities of the mind that are not even within the point that polarity is of energy, energy requires substance to support its existence and thus ends when there is no more resources available.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am energy and the experience of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not obtain energy / the experience of energy which is the experience of emotions and feelings – that I am not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defined myself / my existence on energy and my experience of energy as the mind in separation of myself as the physical source of energy.
I commit myself to live here as the physical, as the breath, of life – undefined wherein I see, realize, and understand that everything that is here is manifested of me and my starting point of living as an idea of myself.  Thus, I commit myself to live here and see myself for what I am - which is reflected in everything that is here both within my internal experience and without which is this reality as a whole; and within that move myself into the living reality of what is here of no definition, no ideas or beliefs of self – just simply living here as the physical, as breath, where I end my existence as a mind so that I can manifest a world that is best for all, which will only be the real me when and as this reality changes to reflect this as physical fact.

210 – The Idea of Myself vs. The Reality of Myself

I’ve been looking at this point of the ‘idea of myself vs. the reality of myself’ and although I am pretty sure that I walk more within the idea of myself rather than the reality of myself I am not sure how to quantify that experience.  So, I ask myself ‘who is it that I believe that I am?  Who do I see myself as?  Who do I present myself as to others?  What are my intentions?’

What I am right now is in a state of change and therefore I do see, realize, and understand that there are many ideas of myself / there are many ways that I have defined myself that as soon as I see these points I stop because I see these ideas are all just self-serving and are not actual in-fact reality.  However, I do see, realize, and understand that every breath that I miss is a point in time where I go into the idea of myself – as who I want myself to be or who I want to present myself as to get what I want, need, and desire.  By missing a breath, I mean, that point in time where I am not here and instead within and as the personalities and characters that are already pre-programmed within and as my mind that activate when I react to something that acts as a trigger in my mind.

For instance, I within the idea of myself, see myself as a peace-loving guy who just wants the best for others.  Yet, when someone does something to me that either directly or indirectly threatens my comfort / my existence then what happens?  Well, then the protect me from harm personality / character activates within my mind where I begin to backchat about all the problems with the other person in relation to this point and how my position is justified, etc.  And what is that?  War.  The outward manifestation of that is war.  The opposite of peace.

Another point would be like “I considered myself to at one time be the voice of the animals and to really love the animals” because I refrained from eating meat.  Yet, one day I realized that my avoidance of eating meat was actually doing nothing to protect the animals because their suffering actually had nothing to do with my avoidance of eating meat.  It actually had to do with something much more deeply ingrained within and as me.  I realized that the animal abuse, such as within corporate farming practices, is an outward manifestation of something that I am doing always within and as myself – and that is participating within my own mind and living as the mind wherein the mind always requires energy and thus the energy is harvested / resourced from my physical body in a highly disregarding way where my physical body is in essence tortured, raped, abused, and eventually even murdered by my mind and its abusive domineering relationship to the body equal and one to the animal abuse in this system-  Wherein, I realized, that the animal abuse is just there to show me what I am already doing to myself.

I used to, at one time, think that I was ‘good’ because I believed in God and did what is ‘right’ until I realized that my belief in god actually, in-fact, supports everything that is ‘wrong’ within this reality such as war, rape, murder, torture, starvation, etc.  How is this so?  Well, because within believing in a God who is good, one is giving one’s self-responsibility away to this god to be good for them thus what is left?  The evil.  That means that one then lives the evil as self.  Why else would one need a good god if on is not already evil and living as such?  Within that point, I once believed that I must be good since I believe in god and do not commit such evil crimes, right?  No, I commit all the crimes and all the evil that is here on this planet through my abdication of self-responsibility to stand as what is best for all in every breath, which is facilitated through my belief in a god who is good. 

You see, within the principle of equality and oneness, one is already doing everything that exists on this planet no matter ones’ position within it because one is in-fact equal and one with everything that is here.  You see, equality and oneness is a physical fact.  We are all of the same substance and substance is just actually a bunch of molecules taking different forms.  Try to imagine a blanket that has been spread across a bed and then one takes certain points of that blanket and wades them up at those points to make different forms.  Would you actually think that because there are different forms created within that very same blanket that each form is a separate manifestation from the blanket and each other form?  NO.  The same with what is here.  Moreover, if the blanket needed washing, would you only wash part of the blanket?  No, you would was the entire blanket.

So, this planet needs washing.  Everything being needs to be healed.  Every being needs to be taken care of within the point of needed basic requirements to live a dignified life.  Thus, we are all one and the same and one an equal within that point.  Thus, we are equal and one with what is here, right not in this physical existence.  Thus, there is no escaping responsibility for every single form of abuse that is here on this planet no matter what your beliefs are or your ideas of yourself are.

So, don’t be confused.  Equality and Oneness is not something ‘positive’ such as new age religious belief.  Rather, equality and oneness is the physical fact of the matter and is the reason why we are all to ‘blame’ for what is here no matter if we are directly participating in it or not – because we are participating in it within and as the relationship that we have created ourselves between our mind and our body.  The body is the physical which is the substance and, as of now, is dominated and abused by the mind / by the energy of the mind – which is represented as the money within this system which we destroy the planet and abuse life in order to create our ‘needed’ and ‘desired’ money.

So, what is our idea of ourselves.  Is it one with what is actually happening here on this planet?  Is my idea of myself equal and one with how I live and exist within and as my own mind in relationship to my physical body which is reflected within man’s / the minds relationship with this planet?  Or is the idea of myself a pretty picture that exists within and as pictures within my mind so that I do not have to face myself as everything here?
Thus, I commit myself to always be pushing the envelope of what is the real me so that I can end the idea of me.

Day 209 – Standing as the physical

Today’s writing is just a note to self to remind self to always stand as the physical, as the breath, of life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand as the mind in separation from what is here as me as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the illusion of separation that is generated by my standing as the mind as energy in the illusion of good / bad, right / wrong, and positive, negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in separation of me as them.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am always judging myself / a point within self when and as I judge others and that it is only within the illusion of separation that I do not see this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted allowed myself to believe that anything that exists can really be separate from me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everything that is here is of my creation and is showing me the outflow of consequence of my existing as I have been within the point of seeking energy / the experience of energy and looking outside self for the ‘answers’

I forgive myself that I have neglected my role as creator / co-creator of this existence as it is in its entirety by not taking the self-responsibility to walk my life as the physical as all as one as equal, but instead I have chosen to walk my life /my awareness in separation form what is here by pursuing energy and the experience of energy and the defining myself within my experience of energy as if the energy is what is real – neglecting the point that energy derives from the physical, which is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted what is here as ‘real’ as if it exists outside of me and regardless of who I am and what I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this very physical reality is a reflection of what I accept and allow.

I commit myself to stand as the physical, where I see, realize, and understand that everything that is here in existence is in fact me and caused and created by me and who I am have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.  Thus I commit myself to stand as the physical, as the breath, of life by slowing myself down and investigating everything that I have taken for granted as ‘real’ in separation of myself- and then correcting it so that I can stand as all as one as equal, of life where I am no longer directed by energy and no longer see myself as separate from all that is here

Day 208 - Who am I within Stress?

Who am I within Stress?  Do I need to be stressed out?  Does stress serve a purpose?  No, I can get what I need to have done without being stressed out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stressed out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as stressed / stressed- out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be moved by stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that 'if I am not stressed, then things might not get done/"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought that 'if I do not react to a situation in stress, then I might not be able to effectively solve or address the situation."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need the energy of stress to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define work as stressful.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe being stressed out is normal and customary when working or doing a job for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the earning of money to stress - wherein I believe that being stressed at work is necessary to remain vigilant to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself a personality system of being stressed wherein I go to work as stressed-out as my stressed personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a repetitive internal dialogue / backchat where I theorize about what might happen.  Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have react in fear to this backchat.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by fear of what might happen which causes an experience of stress / of being stressed throughout the day.

When and as I see myself reacting in stress and fear to my backchat about what might happen to me if this or that does not get done while at work, I stop and I breathe.  I see, realize, and understand that this is not necessary for me to take action and complete my work in a satisfactory way.

Thus, I commit myself to slow down and breathe before moving myself when and as I see stress and fear reactions coming up.  I commit myself to stop moving myself from the starting point of fear and stress by instead breathing until I am clear, before moving, and then assessing what needs to be done in practicality and then moving myself breath by breath until my work / tasks are done.

Day 207 - I am the Mind, I eat Meat

Someone who has walked with Bernard once said to me that Bernard said that 'it is the mind that needs meet, not the physical'.  Now I am not sure if he actually said that, but I would surmise that be probably did as that is in alignment with how I understand things.  However, there is another thing that Bernard said that one must consider, and that is: 'before one can change, one must embrace self for what self has accepted and allowed self to be and become - and change from there."  Now those aren't  his exact words, but they were something to that nature, nonetheless.

So, let's have a look at the mind.  The mind requires energy to generate, charge, and fuel thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, characters, thought patterns, and the illusion of polarities of right and wrong and good and bad, and also the illusion of separation.  The energy that is required to fuel and charge the mind comes from where?  Answer: The human physical body.  You see, the mind is amazingly advanced inter-dimensional computer system  / program that is complex and sophisticated that it has networks in place that tap into the energy released from the very atom itself, according to the Owl interview on Eqafe.  These resourcing of energy to support the mind comes from the human physical body and the net affect is a constant, unrelenting excavation o/ diminishment of the physical body wherein the substance of the physical body is converted to energy.  Because the mind is busy excavating the physical body, the physical body requires to be substantiated / replenished equally as fast.  Thus, the consumption of meat is necessary to substantiate and rebuild the body that is diminished from the mind's resourcing of energy from it.

 

 

Now, let's look at 'who am I now?  What have I allowed myself to be and become? What am I existing as, the physical or the mind? - the answer is that, within the point  of fully embracing myself for what and who I am at this very moment - I am, in-fact, the mind.  I have merged with the mind to such an extent that if I die today, my mind dies as the physical will no longer be here to support the mind - and since I am the mind, I will likely die with it. 

Furthermore, I am not only the mind, but I am equal and one with all of the outflow of consequences that result from my existing as the mind - which are represented right here in the physical reality in every single thing that exists on this planet, and beyond, in this very moment - both the 'good' and the 'bad' is showing me the folly of my ways, the folly of accepting and allowing myself to exist as the mind and merge within and as the mind.  And there is NO position that I can take that will relinquish me from my personal responsibility for all that is here, as me; NOR is there anything that I can do to actually solve the 'problems' of what is here except one thing - transcend the mind.

So, because I am embracing myself as the mind, as that is what and who I am at this very moment, I see, realize, and understand that I must support my physical body in the way that it needs to be supported while I walk through the transcendence of my mind which will take many years, if not decades.  And while I am walking the solution, of transcending the mind, I will do myself NO good by denying myself what I need as the mind to support the physical.

That is why I eat meat.  I eat meat because meat supports my physical body to substantiate itself due to the constant excavation and diminishment that it goes through while I exist in it as the mind.  Now, notice I said "my" physical body.  While I would imagine that this is true for all humans as we are all enslaved to the mind, I cannot speak for all humans because I do not live in each one's body.  Each one has a specific mind-body relationship and thus I cannot say that everyone needs meat to support the mind.  This is only something that one can answer for one's-self within being self honest within the one's relationship with the body.  Listen to your body from a practical, verifiable starting point and not a belief system, in other words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from me as the mind, by creating within and as myself the belief that somehow 'I am not the mind just because I can see through the illusion of the mind."

I forgive myself that I not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that just because I can see that I do not have to exist as the mind and that I originally once was not the mind, in my original being-ness, that that does not mean that I am not the mind now.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that in reality, through my acceptance of the mind as me over the course of my life, and my many lives, I have merged with the mind and become the mind to such an extend that if I were to die today, I would have a very small chance of being able to survive death- because since I am the mind, I die with the mind at death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can escape culpability from the atrocities in this world by simply not participating in them or supporting them.  I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that no matter my outward actions, I am always participating in all things of this world as it exists now so long as I exist as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because I experience that need for meat within the point that it satiates me and substantiates my physical body, that therefore my personal experience is what everyone is also experiencing.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself  to see, realize, and understand that each one has their own specific mind-body relationship and therefore their own eating requirements and thus I cannot project my experience onto them.

I commit myself to stand and transcend the mind.

I commit myself to embrace myself as the mind, because that is what I am now, and from that starting point, I commit myself to walk out of the mind and also support my physical body the way that it needs to while I am still transcending the mind and beyond that point as well.

Day 206 – The Need to Be Seen By Others as ‘Right’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a fear reaction to the trigger of when and as the moment occurs when engaged in an argument of debate that the other / opponent appears to be right within the words he /she is speaking or typing.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, or understand that the my fear reaction does not have anything to do with whether or not the other person / opponent is actually right or not – but that my fear reaction occurs at the moment that it appears as the other is right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my personality to that of highly competitive as a reaction to the fear reaction to when and as I see that another appears to be right or wining a debate or argument.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea that another might think he or she is correct when he or she may or may not be correct, in-fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea that someone might think that he or she is smarter, better, or superior to me in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the idea that I might be inferior to others in some way.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and spite towards others that appear to be right or superior to me, within and as my own perception and regardless of what the facts actually are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘being right’ to survival – as if, if I am shown to be ‘wrong’ then that shows that I am un-fit for survival.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not considered the obsurdity of such a thought within the point that obviously when one is wrong about something, that does not mean that one is not fit for life nor does it mean that one does not deserve life because if that were true then almost all here would be ‘unfit’ for survival within the point that all are wrong at times about shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words of others within acting out, talking back, and trying to find ways to prove my worth / my intelligence when and as their words threaten me within the point that I perceive that either I am ‘wrong’ or that that perceive that ‘I am wrong’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and force my viewpoint on others within the point of trying to get others to acknowledge my ‘rightness’ by repeating myself and forcing my viewpoints on other until I hear them say ‘ah, yes, I see your point – you are indeed right!” – which rarely if ever occurs!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unfit for life or unfit for existence within this current economic and social system.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that as a consequence to my self-judgment that I am unfit for life or unfit for existence within and as this current economic system – that I am now seeking / desiring validation from the external world within and as the manifestation of ‘winning’ arguments and pointless debates.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this external validation is an energetic high / experience that only lasts for so long and in-fact does nothing to fix or solve the real issues at hand which are that I have already judged myself in the way that I fear others may be judging me.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cast judgment on myself, others, and anything and everything – because I see, realize, and understand that judgments are not real; what is real is what is here that can be mathematically accounted for through observation, common sense, and simple math.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the simple math of it all is that – we are all indeed of the same substance, have the same physical needs, and share this planet equally – thus the common sense is that we are all equally deserving of life and survival no matter who or what we are.

When and as I see myself reacting in fear towards when someone appears to be right and I am wrong, I stop and I breathe because I see, realize, and understand that this fear reaction does nothing change anyone’s perception and that it is based on an idea that is not actually real in fact.  I see, realize, and understand that we are all equals and that we are all equally confused about certain points until when and as we individually perfect ourselves at which time we will know all things.

Thus, I commit myself to remain here and breathe through the fear reactions towards hearing, reading words that sound as if another perceives me as wrong or that I am actually wrong.

I commit myself to only respond to the other when and as I am stable through breathing wherein I can actually have a conversation with the other that is equal and one.
 

When and as I see myself reacting in anger and frustration to the trigger of hearing or seeing words that appear to prove me wrong, where I am then tempted / have created the desire within and as myself to ‘retaliate’ in some way, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to become angry and frustrated and then retaliate because I see, realize, and understand that this emotional energy does no good whatsoever and only further separates myself from others thus creating more polarity, more right and wrong - which is the problem in the first place.