Day 140 – CA on The 'I've Gotta Do Something Else' Character

I commit myself to not accept and allow the 'I can only do this for so long character' to exist within and as me as I have seen, realized, and understood that this character was created by me through my participation in the belief, that I created, that 'I can only do the same thing for so long' and within that belief, I have created a limit, thus limiting myself, to how long I can do something before I go into the emotional / energetic experience of the 'I can only do this for so long character' that I scripted myself, that directs me and that I follow as a god over me, over life.

When and as I see myself going into the experience as an energy that 'I must do something else because have reached my limit', I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to go into the experience as an energy that directs me and tells me what to do. Thus, I commit myself to stopping myself and breathing the moment that I see this energy / experience arise until I am clear, and then from a practical best-for-all perspective I direct me to do what is most affective without any regard for energy or feelings or beliefs that as these are of self-interest and don't support life as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to examine my beliefs and how they cause and create energy reactions and experiences as a consequence – and how withing holding beliefs, I become directed by them and a servant to them as they and the energetic outflows that direct me become my god.

When and as I see myself participating in ideas and beliefs – in other words when thoughts about things or myself come up that I cannot verify in physical reality and are not basic math, like 1 + 1 = 2, then I thus commit myself to release myself from the ideas and beliefs that I hold that are directing me through the energy as a feeling / experience they create as consequential outflow – through self-investigation, self-forgiveness, and corrective application.

When and as I see myself validating the experience as a feeling that is created through my beliefs and ideas that I hold by defining myself within this feeling / experience as 'being bored' or 'not feeling right' – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to validate the energy as a feeling that is a consequential outflow of ideas and beliefs that I hold by defining myself as bored as if this entire experience is real independent of my participation in my own mind. And thus, I commit myself to deleting these thoughts and self-definitions as backchat that come up, as the come up, by simply breathing and reminding myself that I am right here and that I am the director of my life and of my experience – that I choose, and that I choose life and to live free of any energy experience directing me as my god.

Day 139 – SF on The 'I've Gotta Do Something Else' Character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, participate in, and hold the idea and belief that 'I can only do something for so long'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by the 'I've gotta do something else' character, that I created as a consequence of my participation in the idea and belief that 'I can only do something for so long', where I have no self will and am thus directed by the energy / feeling of this character.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when energy as a feeling directs me as who I am, that I am not present as the moment as all that I have become is the embodiment of that energy as a feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the energy as a feeling, within and as myself, of and as the 'I gotta do something else' character that I step into, where the energy as a feeling takes over and then I say 'I gotta do something else', 'I cannot do the same thing for too long', 'I am bored', 'this does not feel right' – where I am no longer directing who I am within and as the moment, but am directed by this energy which I have become to believe is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this energy / feeling to such an extent that I would believe that this feeling / energy / possession is me, is who I really am, and then would react to it as if it were real, as if it were real independent of my own particiaption within and as it

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am following an energy as a feeling within and as myself I am being directed by a pre-programmed design that I have created and allowed to exist within and as myself which is an automated system that can be terminated like any program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the 'I've gotta do something else character' within and as myself as a consequence to my creation of the belief / idea that there is a 'limit to how long I can do the same task' and through this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to how long I can do the same thing thus limiting myself to how effective I can be and become if I were to allow myself to sit and complete a task from start to finish without any mind-possessions pulling me away from the task. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I was the one that had decided to limit myself within and as this belief where I would create a physical resistance as a feeling to 'get up and go do something else' to the extent where I would even start to feel fidgety and physically uncomfortable when I am in a situation where I believe I am unable to sit and complete a task because I have been doing it for 'too' long.

To be continued...

Day 138 – The 'I've Gotta Do Something Else' Character

I get to a point, eventually, where I go into this experience of 'I gotta do something else'! Like, I just can't do the same thing for too long. Like, doing the same thing for too long is 'unacceptable'. When I reach this point, this is where I feel the need to 'change my environment'. Like, I was fine until all of the sudden an energy possesses me, and then I no longer accept what it is that I was doing as an acceptable way to spend my time.

This is the point at which I define my experience as 'being bored'. This is the point where I start looking for something else to do, and start getting fidgety. I like go into this mode where I either want to do something completely different, or I start seeking a temporary 'fix' of some-sort. I will start thinking of all kinds of ideas of things that I could do to alleviate this energy of boredom / of 'I gotta do something else' that I am experiencing. Sometimes, I can't even think of anything else that I would rather do, so I just walk around for a bit, or even play games with myself by walking into a different room and then comparing the qualities of the previous room so that I can create an experience of being somewhere else new and exciting.

So, why do I go into this 'I gotta do something else' character and where does this energy come from? When slowing myself down through breathing I can see that I am no longer here when I become possessed by this energy / character / feeling experience of 'I gotta do something else'. So, this energy / feeling comes up of 'I've gotta do something else' and then I become possessed by it and then directed by it where therefore I am no longer here, I am possessed by this energy. Then as I become possessed by this feeling I, instead of just slowing down and breathing until it dissipates and goes away on its own, I go into it by defining this experience as 'I am bored' – basically agreeing with this feeling and acknowledging that it exists and is real.

As far as answering the question of where does it come from, this would be a pre-programmed construct within and as my own mind that I created, or perhaps it is an inherited trait that I then fostered by my acceptance of it as me, as who I am, and then it comes up in intervals based on my own ideas and beliefs that I have about 'how I should spend my time', and 'how much time I can spend doing the same thing that is acceptable' – all running in the background of my mind.

Then once I accept and allow myself to become possessed by this energy / feeling of the 'I've gotta do something else' character, I start looking for ways to 'solve' this problem by going into exciting / positive experiences.

And this is where desire comes in to play. Desire is an interesting thing, as I am starting to see, realize, and understand that what I desire comes from a 'lack' or a 'need' that I myself created, within and as my mind, from participation in thoughts, feelings, and emotions that then creates like a polarity, where then I need something to 'balance out the equation'.

So for instance, in this case, when I go into the “I gotta do something else' character / feeling, and I therefore need something to make me feel better again – basically I am in a negative experience and now I need something positive. So, I go looking for things, which are then my desires, desires that I am creating as a solution for the experience that I am also creating.

So, I will pick-up tomorrow.

Day 137 – Corrective Application on 'Expecting the World to Change'

I commit myself to let the expectation that the 'world should change' go as I see, realize, and understand that expectations come from beliefs and ideas that I create within and as myself in the pictures of my own mind without physically walking these ideas and beliefs to see if they practically are applicable or are a reflection of what is actually physically here.

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that accepting and allowing myself to hold this expectation that 'the world should change', and any expectation, is selfish in nature because as long as I am holding onto ideas and beliefs that I expect to manifest without considering and walking the practicality of how and idea or belief will be able to manifest within the physical, then I am actually holding these ideas and beliefs because they give me a personal gratification – and that is where the desire to have these ideas and beliefs fulfilled comes in – where in reality I want to be gratified by seeing the fulfillment of these pictures in my mind – thus my expectations represent my secret desires for my own personal gratification within and as my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the expectations that I hold are actually secret desires to have the pictures, images, ideas, and beliefs in my mind fulfilled for my own personal gratification.

When and as I see myself criticizing and blaming others that are not 'living up to' or 'fulfilling' my expectation of what it would look like if one where here to 'change the world to one that is best for all' or 'really care about life' or 'see the world for what it really is', I commit myself to slow down and see, realize, and understand that I had created an experience of disappointment within and as myself where my expectations were not met – when it was I that created the ideas and beliefs as pictures in my mind, in the first place, and now that they are not manifesting so that I can have my own personal gratification of seeing this fulfilled - I am blaming others and within that blame becoming angry, frustrated, judgmental and justifying this within the point of superiority within the point of 'I have the right to be this way because I have the 'right' ideas and beliefs'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a huge mind-fuck for myself by creating ideas and beliefs as picture presentations in my own mind, then expecting them to be fulfilled and then become disappointed when the are not, and then blaming others for this, and then within that blame, justifying anger, frustration and the polarity of superiority/inferiority to exist within me – when all the while, I am doing nothing more than fulfilling my own secret desires - that are cloaked in the image of being the 'good-guy' – to just participate in the energy and friction of my mind.

I commit myself to see the mind for what it is – an energy creating devise of enslavement – and thus stop participating in the energy of my mind by investigating my ideas, beliefs, and expectations so that I can see them for what they are so as to not fall for the traps that I set for myself within my secret desires to participate in the energy of my mind.

I commit myself to investigating my desires so that I can stop them and not be influenced and directed by secret desires – because through investigating my desires I will no longer have secret desires directing me as all will be revealed.

When and as I see myself going into the energy of expecting others to fulfill my ideas and expectations of any kind, I stop and I breathe.

And thus I commit myself to slowing myself down through breathing and bring myself physically 'here' so as to stop.

Day 136 – SF on 'Expecting the World to Wake Up', continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations of others to be 'more than who they are' in that they 'should be investigating everything of themselves and this world within self-honesty' and when they don't meet my expectations I then categorize them as not worthy of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a whole belief system that 'others should be investigating themselves and this world, as it really is, within the starting point of self- honesty and oneness and equality', classifying those who do as 'special and even superior', and then feeling special, superior, and excited when hearing or reading the words of these beings- all of which, is a 'positive' emotional experience that I create within myself, which are my reactions to others who fulfill the picture presentation of my belief systems, ideals, and expectations. But on the flip-side, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggravated, offended, even angry and then judge those as 'inferior', who do not fulfill these expectations – not seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am the one who gave permission to this expectation to exist within and as myself through the belief that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe to be real and true.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to, through my participation within these expectations, create a 'want / desire' within and as myself where I would want / desire another person to behave in a particular way and say and write particular things, and to present themselves in a certain way – as 'one who really cares about life, etc', that fulfill a picture presentation in my mind, based on my beliefs and expectations, that I myself created within and as the energy of my mind, in separation of what is really here in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea within and as myself of what it means to be 'one who really cares about life' and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realize, and understand that the definition that I had created of 'caring about life' consists of a picture where I see others who 'care about life' as being dedicated to writing and expressing themselves within self-honesty - where beings investigate everything and come to the same conclusions that I do about everything, and are basically, at least, in the same place as I am in my process of transcending the mind – where I within and as this picture feel very good about myself and through this I forgive myself that I did not see realize and understand that it is this good feeling that I DESIRE to experience within and as myself which is generated by others fulfilling my own picture presentations / and expectation that exist within my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strengthen my ego, my existence as a separate ego mind-consciousness placement unit within a matrix of minds, enslavement to the mind and energy, by judging of others as 'less than and inferior to me both in intelligence and in integrity' when others do not fulfill my ideas, beliefs, and expectations that exist within and as pictures in my own mind of what it means to 'care about life', and then within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my reactions of anger and frustration towards these beings within the point of blame where I am thus blaming others for fucking up this whole world because, in essence, they are not fulfilling my picture presentation of what it would look like if they where really here supporting life.

Day 135 – SF on 'Expecting the World to Wake Up'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within my mind ideas and beliefs in which I project a version of this reality that I would like to exist within and as - where everyone 'wake's up' to what is really in-fact going on in this physical reality and then actually has the desire within themselves to explore themselves and this world in order to manifest a solution to the problems of this world as they really are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowd myself to hold the expectation within myself that 'people should wake-up and start exploring / investigating themselves and this reality for what it really, physically, is' and then when I come across those who do not, I become very upset, frustrated, and aggravated and then judge these people to be lazy, self-centered, robotic, lifeless, brainwashed, assholes who care nothing about life and nothing about anything but themselves.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that cloaked within my expectation that other's 'wake-up' is a desire that I hold for others to give me the experience of satisfaction, encouragement, and even excitement when and as others respond in like-kind within the point of 'waking up' – that I am obviously not giving to myself and looking for this in others to give it to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within my mind an idea of what it means to 'wake-up' / and have other's 'wake up' as a picture presentation, as what it would look like in the physical, and charged this picture presentation 'positively' - and thus try to manifest this picture presentation that exist's within and as my mind in this physical reality by provoking others to act in ways that fulfills this picture presentation that exists within and as my mind by asking them questions and confronting them – all so that I can have a positive, emotional / feeling experience within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make out others who do not fulfill my picture presentation of what it means to 'wake-up' as the 'villians' and as the 'cause' for why this world is the way that it is – and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the way this world is and thus negate my own self-responsibilty for this existence as it is now. And within this blame and villinization of others who do not fulfull my picture presentation of a being who 'is awake' thus letting down my expectations in this matter, - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at these people and at society at large and to justify this anger within seeing myself as better-than, and even victimized by those who refuse to wake up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of others to 'wake-up' and when they do not meet my expectations I would categorise them as a person that is not worthy of me, as a point of superiortity – where superiour beings are awake and waking-up and inferior beings are yet sleeping and refusing to wake-up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the belief within myself that 'people should wake-up and start asking questions and investigating themselves and this world for what it really is' and within this create an entire class system of beings where those who are actually waking-up are considered 'special' and 'important' and those who remain asleep are considered 'lifeless, self-centered, and brainwashed – and actually the problem' – when I see, realize, and understand that everything is self, and of self, and a reflection of self thus all and everyone is actually one and equal showing me only who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become thus there is no class system – only self.

To be continued...

Day 134 – Expecting the World to Wake Up

I have these ideas, beliefs, and expectations that people should 'wake-up' and see everything for what it really is, the way it really is. And of course this 'should' happen. We, as the human race, do really need to wake-up and see things for what they are. If this were to happen, then we could really start changing things for the 'better'.

But, one cannot 'expect' others to wake and then get angry, judgemental, and frustrated at others when they don't. In fact, even holding opinions and beliefs like 'this should be the way it is' is a counter-productive expense of energy, as these 'mindsets' are actually part of the 'problem' as to why people are 'sleep-walking' through this reality.

You see, holding ideas, 'ideals', beliefs, judgments, and expectations of how everyone 'should be', even if it is based on 'real' operating physical principles, like equality and oneness – like the fact that we are all really equal and one, etc – will not change anything. In fact, it will only make matters worse as it is a little like fighting 'fire' with 'fire' because holding opinions, judgments, beliefs, ideas, and expectations about how things 'should be' is all of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and pictures that one holds within one's own mind which IS the problem, which IS the fire.

These things are of the mind and require energy to exist, and are not actually 'here' within this physical reality. So therefore, they are like another form of the 'fire' that one is trying to 'put-out'. In this case, they are nothing more than the polar opposites of 'ignorance-is-bliss', 'selfishness', 'blind-ambition', etc. where I am / one is like saying 'wake-up' damnit – don't you care about what is going on here?.

Thus, it's like taking sides in a 'debate' – were the only 'winner' is the mind, and the systems of the mind, which then thus generate the systems, and even more systems, of this world in which we all operate by and are enslaved to which is a reflection – showing us the enslavement we all are subjected to within and as our own minds.

So, I say to all and to myself, 'stop supporting the enslavement of this entire planet to energy, to the energy created by the mind, and to the mind itself – and stop supporting the mindless 'sleepwalking' through our own personal lives and through this greater reality that we all mutually experience – where no one really knows how things really work, no-one believes they can know, and most don't really even care to know – by stopping one's own mind, by investigating one's own mind, and by encouraging other's to do the same. But, holding ideas, beliefs, judgments, and expectations and then reacting in frustration, etc, that all people 'should' do this and 'better' do this, is actually the very fire, the very energy that one is 'fighting' against. So, don't fight 'fire' with 'fire'. Stop and breathe. That is all that is required.

Self-Forgiveness to follow.