Day 138 – The 'I've Gotta Do Something Else' Character

I get to a point, eventually, where I go into this experience of 'I gotta do something else'! Like, I just can't do the same thing for too long. Like, doing the same thing for too long is 'unacceptable'. When I reach this point, this is where I feel the need to 'change my environment'. Like, I was fine until all of the sudden an energy possesses me, and then I no longer accept what it is that I was doing as an acceptable way to spend my time.

This is the point at which I define my experience as 'being bored'. This is the point where I start looking for something else to do, and start getting fidgety. I like go into this mode where I either want to do something completely different, or I start seeking a temporary 'fix' of some-sort. I will start thinking of all kinds of ideas of things that I could do to alleviate this energy of boredom / of 'I gotta do something else' that I am experiencing. Sometimes, I can't even think of anything else that I would rather do, so I just walk around for a bit, or even play games with myself by walking into a different room and then comparing the qualities of the previous room so that I can create an experience of being somewhere else new and exciting.

So, why do I go into this 'I gotta do something else' character and where does this energy come from? When slowing myself down through breathing I can see that I am no longer here when I become possessed by this energy / character / feeling experience of 'I gotta do something else'. So, this energy / feeling comes up of 'I've gotta do something else' and then I become possessed by it and then directed by it where therefore I am no longer here, I am possessed by this energy. Then as I become possessed by this feeling I, instead of just slowing down and breathing until it dissipates and goes away on its own, I go into it by defining this experience as 'I am bored' – basically agreeing with this feeling and acknowledging that it exists and is real.

As far as answering the question of where does it come from, this would be a pre-programmed construct within and as my own mind that I created, or perhaps it is an inherited trait that I then fostered by my acceptance of it as me, as who I am, and then it comes up in intervals based on my own ideas and beliefs that I have about 'how I should spend my time', and 'how much time I can spend doing the same thing that is acceptable' – all running in the background of my mind.

Then once I accept and allow myself to become possessed by this energy / feeling of the 'I've gotta do something else' character, I start looking for ways to 'solve' this problem by going into exciting / positive experiences.

And this is where desire comes in to play. Desire is an interesting thing, as I am starting to see, realize, and understand that what I desire comes from a 'lack' or a 'need' that I myself created, within and as my mind, from participation in thoughts, feelings, and emotions that then creates like a polarity, where then I need something to 'balance out the equation'.

So for instance, in this case, when I go into the “I gotta do something else' character / feeling, and I therefore need something to make me feel better again – basically I am in a negative experience and now I need something positive. So, I go looking for things, which are then my desires, desires that I am creating as a solution for the experience that I am also creating.

So, I will pick-up tomorrow.