Day 329 – Resistance to Process, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat that “I cannot find anything to write about”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am too confused to write about myself in a clear and effective manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the point of confusion that comes up at times in relation to writing about my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity in mapping out my mind in that all I need to do is slow down, breathe, and then look back on my day to see where I reacted, where I judged, etc and then simply start writing it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and hold the opinion within and as myself that writing as “not fun” or rather “not as fun and entertaining as other things” Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all that I am doing with this judgment and opinion is aiding myself to find ways to generate positive energy experiences for me as my mind to feed on within seeking out activities that I have formed a positive relationship to and then doing them only.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the point of seeking out positive energy experiences and then running from negative energy experiences – both of which I create within and as myself through my self definition and relationships that I have formed with what it is that I do and what is here.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself as physicality to be consumed and transformed into energy so that I can live within the limitation of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I sit down to write, where I slow down and examine myself as my mind and the write out who I am and what I have been living as the mind so as to correct myself so that I can live here in equality and oneness as the physical – that when and as I am doing this, I am not generating any energy within and as my mind and am thus living here, in real equality and oneness within and as myself; and thus through writing daily, I am daily practicing what it is to really live here.  Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through resistance to writing I am resisting living here only to be assisting myself to live within the energy cycles of the mind.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist living here as the physical just so that I can live within the energy of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the experience of positive energy over the reality of living here as the physical in every breath with consistency and constancy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite all that is here and all who are here in this existence, on this planet, through my giving in to the resistance to process, that I myself create and perpetuate – just so that I can be self-consumed in some form of a positive energy experience that only lasts so long and thus I am constantly seeking in separation of me here as already living as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the programming of my where I believe that life is all about positive energy experiences of which this programming was instilled into me through my parents, peers, and society since I was very young – where I follow this programming as if it is my duty to do so as a human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other humans who are not consciously walking there process, virtually everyone, and then react in jealously that I am not able to live like them in their ignorance of who they are as the mind, and to also react in fear of loss – where I believe that I am missing out and not able to live like others who are not yet applying themselves to change.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that living as energy and as the mind is the very definition of loss – where I have lost myself as who I am as physicality and trading this in for the limitation of the mind as energy experiences that come and go and ultimately end / collapse back into the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the belief within and as myself that living as energy in limitation is better than living here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare living here as the physical and living as energy and then to actually judge living as energy as better than living here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process, my self application to write consistently, by rating / judging writing / categorizing writing as “work” or some form of a tedious activity that is only to be done when and as required and then just simply not to be considered as an actual activity that can be done at any time no matter what time it is.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to writing where I judge as boring, tedious, and then want to avoid it so that I can do something more fun and entertaining, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this because I see, realize, and understand that writing and mapping my mind out is the single most self-supportive thing that I can do to expand myself to be all that I can be as the physical where there is literally no limitation to who I am and can be – and thus through resistance, I understand that I am only aiding in the further suppression of myself just so that I can experience the positive energy experiences of the mind, which only last so long and then become negative.  Thus, I commit myself to simply breathe and delete all the resistance as backchats as judgments, opinions, fears, that come up in reaction to the self-directive and self-supportive point of writing – and then I commit myself to say out load to myself “no, I am here.  I am a physical being.  I am not the mind.  Only in the mind is there resistance to writing and supporting myself to live here as the physical and as the breath.  Only in the mind is where fear of living here as the physical, exists.  Only in the mind, can I hold a belief that living here with no energy experiences is actually limiting – when in fact living within the mind constantly chasing energy experiences is the very definition of living as limitation”.  From here, I commit myself to breathe in and watch the reactions and backchats that come up in the mind, and then breathe out and delete all these.   And then repeat this process until I am clear and stable.  I commit myself to remind myself boredom does not exist except in the mind when I am separated from here.  I commit myself to remind myself that anything that I believe is fun and entertaining is only so within the relationship that I have with it through my own self definition; and thus anything that I believe that I should be doing just because it is fun and entertaining – should be examined in writing so that I can correct my relationship to it.   I commit myself to breathe, remain here, and write.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to writing through a fear reaction to the point of not knowing what to write about or having difficulty looking at my mind and who I am as the mind where I believe that I cannot find anything to write about – and through this reacting in intimidation to my mind and to writing – I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept all myself react in fear.  I do not accept and allow myself to react in intimidation to writing.  I see, realize, and understand that there is always something to write about and that all I need to do is slow down and breathe and look back on my day to see where I reacted, what characters I embodied, what judgments I made, what fears I participated in, etc, and from there writing topics will emerge.  I commit myself to slow down through utilizing the 4 count breath throughout my day so that I can assist myself to bring myself here as much as possible and also so that I can assist myself to always be examining my mind as the observer and thus not participating in it so much.  I see, realize, and understand that the reason it seems that I have nothing to writing about is because I am in my mind as my mind too much throughout my day and thus sabotaging my process of stopping my mind because within the point of being in my mind too much, I am not here to see who I am as the mind throughout my day and thus making it difficult to clearly see so as to identify topics to write about.  Thus, I commit myself to slow down and breathe throughout my day and also before writing.  I commit myself to stop all the resistance to writing by simply saying “no, I do not accept and allow myself to go into resistance to writing and to process – instead I breathe and bring myself back here as the physical.  I see, realize, and understand that when I am as the mind, I obscure my ability to see who I am as the mind – and thus the solution is to bring myself back here as the physical through breathing and aligning myself within and as the breath.  I commit myself to stop any fear and intimidation reactions to writing by simply stating to myself “no!  I do not react in fear and intimidation.  Fear and intimidation are not real and are constructs of the mind!  I am here.”  I commit myself to stopping all backchat that comes up as opinions, judgments, and beliefs that “I cannot find anything to write about.  I cannot write effectively, etc” And instead delete these backchats and remind myself that they are not real and are of the mind.  The reality is that I am here as the physical already and that all I need to do is breathe, slow down, and align myself within and as the physical where I can easily look at myself and what I have been living as, as the mind, and then write to self correct.

Day 328 – Resistance to Process

I have had a lot of resistance come up recently within and as me / my mind as energies like I just want to veg-out / go into my own world / escape from here / relax and do nothing.  Also I’ve been drawing blank on what to write about EVEN THOUGH I am always questioning my “why” as to what I am doing throughout the day.  Questions lead to insights as well as increased awareness of which leads to writings – yet, I draw blank when I sit down to write?  Also, part of the drawing blank is like this resurgence of self-judgment about the topics of which I am considering writing about.  So, like I sabotage myself with negative self-judgments – all these components have contributed to a recent bout of resistance to writing.  However, I have been speaking self-forgiveness and even self-commitment statements daily, throughout my days, when and as I see that I am living as the mind.  So, the odd thing is that within this recent bout of resistance to writing, I have been doing quite a bit of verbal self-forgiveness as well as self-commitments and breathing exercises to help stabilize my mind.   I have also come into position to start facing a few pertinent points that I will be opening up in the next few blogs here, the topics of which will be revealed in the blogs to come.  So, I haven’t completely fallen down here, just in my writings.  So, like, I will do some self-forgiveness on specifically the resistance to process that I have been facing as of late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing to write about, even though I see, realize, understand that I am completely mind possessed within a mind consciousness system that is constituted of 5 layers, the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, quantum physical, and physical mind layers; and that these 5 layers of the mind are intertwined and ingrained into my very flesh which influence every minute detail of what I do and who I am down to the blinking of my eyes and the physical reactions that I have up to the conscious thought patterns that float through my head systematically throughout my day(s).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who are writing self-forgiveness and then judge myself as inferior to them.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then use this inferiority self-judgment as a pretext to not write my own self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have other things to do rather than write self forgiveness, when I see, realize, and understand that although I may have other things to do, that everything is just a matter of prioritizing time and allocating time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into negative self judgments, such as “I can’t do this”, where I, within this, freeze-up and feel as if nothing is coming up that I can write about – even though, through out my day I have numerous self realizations and insights to my mind-programming that come up awareness that I even correct with self-forgiveness in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the though, in relation to writing that “I would rather do something else” or “I do not have time to sit down and write” or “I do not have time to sit down and write because I feel as if I am all ‘clogged-up” as in cannot bring up what it is that I need to / want to write about with clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I have no clarity with what to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that “there is too much to write about and I don’t know where to start” and then as a reaction to that thought, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in overwhelming ness – where I feel overwhelmed by what to write about and the specificity required to be effective.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into the “I give up for today” character – where I justify giving up for this moment within the point that I am overwhelmed with writing and specifying my mind systems and thus do not have the time to write effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the thought that “I do not know what to / how to write out exactly what I am facing as myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the mind derives its existence from me and what I accept and allow as the physical – that I am the source and the cause and the reason the mind exists and thus, fearing my mind and feeling overwhelmed by my mind is like fearing my own creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the desire within and as myself to escape my writings and the facing of myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not writing within the point that “I have already overcome so much and have become aware of so much more than that average Joe out there”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process by comparing myself to others and where they are in process and then justifying myself as being “ok” where I am now because most people on this planet are not even aware of process, let alone walking it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist process because I view it as like this responsibility that I must endure, yet would rather do something else with my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue on in my mind consciousness system pre-programmed design in-spite of others within the point that by accepting and allowing myself to go in to resistance to process, that within this I am giving permission for this existence to exist as it does not within the point that this existence as it is now is a reflection of what I am living as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with process, with the writing of self-forgiveness, with being so specific, with the point that I do not yet understand everything, with the point that there is virtually unlimited points to write about in order to release myself from the mind.  Within this, I forgive myself that that I have accepted and allowed myself to create justifications as backchats within my mind that “I am ok with where I am now” and “I just want to live and experience life from where I am now within my process – as if this point of where I am now is “good enough””.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that lacking clarity is a point that I myself created.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that lacking clarity does not really exist.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that experiencing myself as lacking clarity in my process is a consequence of not breathing, and standing within and as the breath – because within the point of standing and breathing and thus slowing down and stopping the participation in the mind – within this – the mind becomes something that one can look at objectively instead of subjectively living under its authority as self.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply stand, breathe, and say “no.  Lacking clarity does not exist.  I stand and I breathe.  I direct myself here as the breath.  I decide who I am.  I have the ability to slow down and question and thus observe the mind in clarity so that I can assist myself to specify all the details required to correct the pre-programming of the mind so that I literally reprogram myself to that what is best for all and to live here as the physical.”  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process by not daily applying myself to breathe in every moment and that within this lack of breathing become overwhelmed with the thought cycles that my mind produces as if they are greater than me as the physical, when they / the thoughts / the mind are not greater, but rather derivatives of me and who I am as the physical / as physicality/ as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to my mind and to others when in fact inferiority does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as incapable of apply myself within the necessary application to transcend my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am either deprogramming my mind or programming my mind to enslave me – that there is no middle ground.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process by believing that there is middle ground / that I can exist in equality and oneness with just a little bit of process accomplished / that I do not need to push further because “I have done enough already”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand on prior self-corrective commitments, at times, because of the justification that “I have done / accomplished enough already” – when I see, realize, and understand that the mind will vigorously reconstitute itself at every opportunity and that through complacency I am only allowing myself to revert back to the pre-programmed mind controlled condition that I was in when and as I started process – and that even now, until I am completely re-birthed as life thus having gone through and corrected all 5 mind layers – that until then I am still a slave to the mind in all areas that I have not faced.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the freedom and the transcendence that I have experienced thus far in my current walk in process is really more of an illusion that a reality as I am still enslaved to the mind in various ways that are yet to be faced AND the areas that I have already faced, the mind / my mind is hard at work to reconstitute through devious ways.

 

Day 327 – Empowered as the king / the executor, through making the decision to breathe

Who makes decisions?  Executives make decisions.  When decisions are made, by executives, others carry them out.  Those who carry out decisions these decisions have little or no choice but to carry out these decisions.

Kings also make decisions.  When you go before a king, he makes a decision.  That is why you even go before a King – to get a decision.  The king decides for you.  You are the subject of the King.  You carry out the decisions of the King, just like you carry out the decisions of other exectives in this system. 

Thus, the executive and the king, are the directors of this reality and everyone else follows the orders to thus make their decisions manifest in this physical reality.  Within this construct, who has the power?  The executor and the king, or course, holds the power.  All the others are subject to the power of the king and the executor who ultimately is making decisions.

Now, let’s look at our relationship with our minds.  Who is making the decision to react, to get angry, to be afraid, to go into habitual patterns, and to even be who you are as a personality?  Is it you, the being who resides in the mind / body, or is it the mind?  Let’s look at that.  When someone offends you, let’s say they get in your face and start yelling at you for no reason at the top of their lungs- do you react in fear and anger?  Where did this reaction come from?  Do you decide, in that moment, to react in fear and anger?  Or do you get overwhelmed with fear and anger energy and within that overwhelming energy experience, based on a myriad of justifications built on faulty beliefs, ideas, concepts, blame, etc., that you hold as constructs in your mind – do you decide to allow the mind to step in and act for you and thus give in to the energy of fear and anger?

If you decide to react and thus embody and become the fear and anger energy that instantaneously overwhelms you, as in this example above, then you have in-effect given your power away to the executive / king that governs you, which is your mind.  You are in-effect a subject to your mind and thus rendered powerless to decide who you are – just like in the actual physical reality and relationship between kings / executives and their subjects.  In fact, I can even say that the reason we have kings and executives in this world who are empowered to make decisions for us and thus tell us what to do – is a direct reflection and consequence to our relationship to our own minds – where our own minds overwhelm us with energy and thus overpower us and thus decide for us who we will be.

So, let’s go back to the example above where someone randomly gets in your face and start yelling at you all kinds of profanities etc., and you react with an overwhelming energy of both fear and anger – what do you do in that moment just before you actually decide to allow that fear and anger energy embody you and become who you are?  In that moment, you have two decisions to make: 1: Give in to all the beliefs, justifications, perceptions, ideas, blame, etc., that compel you and convince you to give in to the ORDERS of your mind, as your executor and your king, to embody and possess this energy of fear and anger OR, you can: 2: Decide to stand and breathe and not move at all energetically; and through breathing you can assist yourself to extinguish the energy reaction of fear and anger altogether and thus within this – you become the executive and the king and thus you become the power and even a greater power than the king and the executive because the king / executive never had any power in the first place other that what you gave away.

Thus, when you decide to stand and breathe and direct your awareness to your breath and thus remain stable thus grounding the energy reactions of the mind thus extinguishing the energy through breathing and standing as the physical – you empower yourself as the executor / the king to make self-directive decisions – and you thus take your stand at the “right hand of god”, as it has been said. 

To take it a step further, within the principle of “as within so without” – as and when we all begin our journeys to become the executors and the kings of ourselves – the phenomena of all powerful executors and kings in this physical reality will cease to exist because that relationship no longer exists within and as ourselves.  Thus, the solution to freedom is to take the action to stand as the executor and the king of self and thus empower self through breathing and standing as the physical.

One last piece of advice – you can never blame.  Blame is the single most disempowering act that one can participate in.  Nothing is anyone’s fault but your own.  Everything in this manifested existence is either directly caused or indirectly caused by what you are living and thus the answer and the solution and the reason why – all exists within your relationship to your mind / within what you have been living.  Thus, stopping all blame and taking self-responsibility is the single most empowering act – and that is exactly what you are doing when you stop all energy reactions and decide to breathe and stand in the physical in the moment as the king / as the executor of you – you are taking your power back.

Day 326 – Disempowered Through Blame

When we blame, we disempowered ourselves from being able to stand as the solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others, places, things, events, and circumstances for the thoughts, feelings, and emotional reactions that occur within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my own pre-programming for the reactions that occur within and as my mind – as if I did not give permission for them to exist in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself to stand as the solution to what I face and what is here through blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reacting in anger and frustration through blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not standing as a solution through blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this world the way it exists right now through blame – where I blame everyone else for why this world exists the way it does today instead of standing as the solution and taking self-responsibility for every point in this existence as me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I react in blame, that I dis-able myself from standing as the solution and thus subject myself to the consequences that I myself create but am unwilling to face.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through blame I give my directive power away to others who I thus empower to take care of me and run my world the way the see fit in-spite of me.

I forgive myself I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that through blame and thus not taking self-responsibility for who I am in every breath as the physical, that I have directly or indirectly created this world in every way that it exists – because this world is but a mirror of who I am thus showing me the reality of who I am and who I have been living as.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through blame, I have been a careless and reckless creator of me and consequentially this entire existence which is evidenced by the extensive pain and suffering that it experienced everyday by most beings and the powerlessness that I experience through blame to do anything about it.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that standing as the solution means that I do not blame anyone or anything for the why and who I exist as who I am and also this existence as it exists because everything is a mirror of who and what I have been living and thus standing as the solution means that I blame no-one and always look within and investigate what I have been living that is the reason for the why this existence is what it is today.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I create every emotional reaction, all thoughts, and all feelings that occur within and as me as my mind and that there is no one to blame for what goes on in my head.

I commit myself to slow down, breathe, direct my attention to my breath in every moment so that I can be here, standing as the physical and the enable myself to direct the energy of my mind when and as it comes up so that I can take full responsibility for everything that goes on in my mind and thus blame no one.  Within this, I commit myself to stand as the solution and take self-responsibility for all that is here as me.  When and as I see myself reacting in blame, I immediately direct myself to stop this reaction by saying ‘no. I do not blame.  I stand as the solution.”  From here, I direct myself to stabilize and ground myself from the energy reaction that I have by identifying it, and focusing on my breathing – merging myself within and as each and every breath so that I can remove myself from within and as my mind and start looking at the blame, the justifications, the beliefs and the backchat that is fueling the storm / the reaction occurring in my mind so that I can sort it out in writing, and stop and start directing myself as the physical – where I take full responsibility for my mind and all that is here as me – because I see, realize, and understand that I am all that is here – as the physical  - and that there is no one to blame – and that blame only acts to disempower me.

Day 325 – Disempowered

We disempower ourselves as living as who we are as the physical when we accept and allow our minds to live for us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through reacting to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through accepting and allowing my emotions and feelings to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through accepting and allowing the desire for positive energy experiences such as feeling happy, excited, entertained, pleasured, etc, to direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through accepting and allowing the desire to avoid negative energy experiences such as fear, anxiety, nervousness, worry, etc, to direct me within the point that I do everything that I can to avoid these experiences regardless of whether or not the physical action that I am avoiding in order to avoid these experiences is best for all and practical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through blame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through blaming people, things, and events for the negative reactions such as fear, anxiety, nervousness, worry, disgust, etc, that occur within and as my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through identifying with the positive and negative backchats / thought cycles, and emotions and feelings that come up in my mind as “pop-ups” and reactions – as if these were me.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I automatically accept these thoughts, feelings, and emotions that pop-up from nowhere or in reaction to things – as who I am – as being me – that I in that moment disempower myself completely and utterly as the physical and instead merge with my mind where my mind has directive power over me.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that so long as I blame others for the emotions and feelings that come up in my mind, that I am disempowering myself completely and utterly within the point that these mind energy reactions are of my creation and exist within and as my own mind and have nothing to do with what is physically here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically believe that whatever comes up in my mind is automatically who I am / me – and within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this belief is what keeps me enslaved to the energetic patterns of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I have pre-programmed through my own participation within and as the layers of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I am moving within the energy of my mind, where I believe it is me, believe that I can do nothing about it, believe that the energies will help me or are necessary in any way – that through this I am programming myself to give my power away to my mind to live for me – thus I am disempowering myself to live here as the physical and as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to commit to a pattern of slowing down – where I decide in advance that I will live the point of slowing down throughout my day so that I can increase my own power as the physical to direct my mind when and as thoughts, feelings, and emotions come up.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to simply say “NO!  These thoughts, feelings, and emotions are not me” when and as I get caught or am about to get caught into a storm of energy that comes from my mind in attempt to capture in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disempowered through my desires – where I believe that my desires are of me and what I really want to do within and as the physical / as a physical being.

I forgive myself that I have not lived the realization that all my desires are of the mind and are all pre-programmed through my own participation over the years into and as patterns that exist within the layers of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that behind a given desire is the NEED for me as my mind to acquire an energy fix of some sort – that in the end, it matters not what the desire is because desires are merely tools for my mind to capture into participation with it to create energy as a result of me going into my desires.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself through my acceptance and allowance that my desires are of me and will bring me something that I need or want when in fact my desires are merely patterns that I programmed that produce energy in my mind thus powering up my mind and giving power to my mind to direct me when and as I participate.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that desire dose not actually exist in the physical and that as a physical being, I only have practical needs to take care of because as a physical being, as the breath, and as all as one as equal as who I am – I am already complete and in need of nothing from a desire standpoint.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I desire is showing me areas that I am not already giving to myself within the point of living those points as who I am – and thus, when and as I go into a desire belying that it will actually give me what I seek – that I am actually only disempowering myself through living for the experience of what I seek instead of standing as what I seek as who I am.

Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to question all my desires, as they come up, - as a form of solution – in other words – I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I can empower myself to stand as the director of me in every breath, here as the physical by questioning my desires as to “is this me? “what am I seeking through this desire?”  “what does this desire represent?” – so that I can assist myself to LIVE as myself that what I am desiring to go into as an energy experience of the mind that only lasts for so long.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that desires, when and as they come up, are great points to explore and find out areas that I have disempowered myself and thus given my power away to the mind to live energy experiences brought on by pursing my desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear reactions are necessary to protect me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stand without reacting in fear, especially when I feel the fear energy running through my body.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to be possessed by a fear reaction, that I am in that moment giving my directive power away and thus completely disempowering myself to live as the mind and also charging up and layering more and more patters as memories so that in the future I become even more enslaved to my mind.

When and as I see myself reacting in any way, I stop and I breathe.  I take as step back and remind myself that “I am not the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up in my mind as reactions and desires”.  I commit myself to remind myself constantly that I am not the backchat dialogue that comes up in repetitive patterns in my mind on the same or similar topics throughout my day.  I commit myself to remind myself that I need to breathe to assist myself to slow down and even stop my mind before directing myself to move in any way.  I commit myself to remind myself that through making the decision to stand as the physical and as the breath and move myself free of any energies whatsoever – that within making this decision and applying myself that I am thus empowering myself and taking my power back as the director of me and who I am as the physical and as the breath, of life.  I commit myself to remind myself that when and as I give in and identify with as if it is me - to the fear and desire reactions and patterns of my mind – that I am thus DISEMPOWERING myself and thus LIMITING myself to live only as the energetic energy creations of the mind that run in repetitive cycles perpetually enslaving me unto my eventual extinction.  Thus, I commit myself to remind myself that it is a choice of living here as a physical being / as the physical / as the breath / as all as one as equal as who I am OR living as the mind / as energy which is a derivative of the physical and thus not even real.  I commit myself to question every thought, feeling, and emotion that cycles through my mind in order to assist myself to stopping and standing and thus empowering myself to live as the director of me – and also in order to assist myself to make flag-points to further map out in writing so that I can through specificity identify all the points of all the energetic constructs that exist within and pre-programming of my mind and thus enable myself to see my mind for what it is in absolute clarity so that I can further empower myself to stop my existence as the mind and then transition myself to the ultimate power of living here as the physical as all as one as equal.

Day 324 – Reacting to my partner

 

So, yesterday I was excited to tell my partner about some dietary solutions that may help her with her chronic illness / condition, fibromyalgia, and instead of her getting excited about it, she basically just got pissed off.  We went back and forth about it and eventually I snapped in an anger reaction where I violently poured my drink into the sink and walked out of the house, like my physical body started to loose control to my mind.  The point of control that I had was being able to walk out of the house and cool off and thus not yell and get into a big argument.  However, I still reacted in anger and frustration and blame towards her.  Then, after the argument, I became afraid that my partner would hold this outburst against me, or no longer like me.  This was a subtle fear that did not last long, but it was there nonetheless.  So, instead of looking at her as the cause and source of this reaction, I am looking at myself, within the question – why did I react? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations that my partner should have the same reaction of excitement and acceptance to the information about a possible solution to her condition, that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in frustration that my partner was not receiving the information the way that I expected her to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when my partner used words that basically told me that ‘I cannot give advise or suggestions to her unless I am also living my words” – wherein, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have her words of “suggesting that I am not able to give advise unless I am perfect”, act as a trigger for me to justify to myself a reaction in anger and frustration and blame towards her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in that moment when she suggested that “I just keep my mouth shut unless I am perfect and living my words” to react to that trigger with back-chat like ‘this is bullshit’, “she has no right to say or suggest that I have to be perfect to give advice”, “I have every right to now react in anger and frustration due to the fact that she is being un-reasonable”.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this backchat to resonate and build within and as my mind to a point of emotional explosion of anger / frustration, where my physical body became controlled by my mind wherein I was moved by my mind to violently pour my drink out into the sink and then walk out of the house and slam the door.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reactions in frustration and anger through blaming others as being the reason / source point of my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the consequences that may come about due to my past behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about how my partner perceives me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the point that my partner may hold negative opinions about me due to my behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become mind possessed with an anger reaction triggered by my partner suggesting that “I have to be perfect in order to give advice to her” where my I lost directive power over my physical body to the extent that I violently poured my drink out in the sink and then walked out of the house and slammed the door.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself over to a mind-possession even though I was there as my awareness in the background the whole time and could have stepped in and started breathing as the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my own emotional reaction in anger and frustration on my partners not accepting my information and also suggesting that I have to be perfect in order to give her suggestions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in resentment towards my partner for her not sharing the same enthusiasm and excitement about the research that I had done on a possible solution to her fibromyalgia.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody the expectation character where I expected her to react and receive my information in a certain way and when she did not, I then justified reacting in frustration, resentment, and even anger where I blamed her for these reactions that occurred within and as myself.

When and as I see myself in a situation where my advice, my opinions, my research, my own beliefs, or even my own equal and one realizations – are not being received by others as expected – and then I see within and as myself reactions of resentment, frustration, anger, blame, let down expectations, justifications all as back-chat and or emotional reactions – I immediately direct myself to slow down and redirect my awareness to my breathing and thus stop this backchat and these emotions through breathing and deleting until I am clear.  I do not accept and allow these emotions and these back-chats because I clearly see that these are all of the mind and of energy are not justified in any way whatsoever within and as physical, practical, equality living.  I remind myself that I am here as a physical being equal and one with all that is here – and that all that is here is merely reflecting me back to me.  I remind myself to breathe.  I commit myself to breathe and stop my interactions with others, when these points come up, until I am completely clear.  I commit myself to leave the room to clear myself of all mind energy, if necessary, before continuing on in conversation.  I commit myself to remain here in the physical, and only speak when I am clear.

 

 

Day 323 - Money, redefined.

Step 1: Self Allocation Point:

 

I am always chasing after money, but there is never enough.  Money is like this god that I work for all day and worry about all day and all night.  When I have money, am making good money, or believe that I can be making good money, or am making more money than others that I compare myself to, I feel good / superior; and when not, I feel bad / inferior and even embarrassed.   I hate money because I see how it is used by the few to control the many, but I love money at the same time because it is my ticket to freedom.  I resent those who make more money than me, especially those who are able to do extremely well in this system.  I also resent money because it is not necessarily a reflection of hard work, but more a reflection of cunningness and personality traits.  Money buys all my desires, yet no matter how hard I try, there is never enough.  I often get pissed off about money, especially when I perceive un-equitable exchanges where I am on the short end of the stick.

 

SF / SCS

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea within and as myself that I am always chasing after money.

I forgive myself I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a slave to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior to others of whom I make more money than and inferior to other of whom I make less money than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete for superiority by making as much money as I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the amount of money that that which others make and then believe that I am superior or inferior to others based on those comparisons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so inferior to others that are my age or younger of whom make more money than I do, that I feel as if I am not even worthy of living and breathing the same air as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and feel embarrassed by others who are my age or younger and make more money than I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘hate’ money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money for my emotional reactions of feeling inferior, embarrassed and unworthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel controlled by money and thus blame others for my feelings of being controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent others that make more money than I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite others that make more money than I do in order to make myself feel better about myself within the point that I have judged myself as inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that the amount of money that I can make reflects my own self-value.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my own value as the physical, as a physical being, as the breath, is actually equal to all and everyone else that is physically here in that we are all made of the exact same substance and all have the exact same physical needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea and belief within and as myself that money is my “my ticked to freedom”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and resent others who make more money than me in order to make myself feel better about myself because I have already judged myself as inferior to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play comparison games with myself to make myself feel better about myself in order to make up for the fact that I already feel bad about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent money because of the fact that those with money are not always having more money because of working harder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self-worth in the amount of money that I can earn in comparison to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to others who can make more money than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am superior to others that cannot make as much money as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn money into a god that has power of me and tells me what I am worth and worthy of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empowered by money and place my own power in the amount of money that I can obtain and control.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that money is merely a practical tool to exchange goods and that although earning money is necessary to survive in this world, it is by no means a measure of my own personal value and worth.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that those who are able to make a lot of money have a mind-consciousnesses system program / design with personality traits that attract money and that I can to design myself this way with self-application and that thus this design is not a reflection of my being ness as the physical, but rather it is merely a program of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feeling inferior, embarrassed, resentful, spiteful towards those who make more money than I do when triggered by being in their presence with knowledge of how much money they make.

When and as I see myself going into reactions of feeling inferior, less than, embarrassed, resentful, and spiteful towards and around those who make more money than me, especially really successful people, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to go into these patterns any longer because I see, realize, and understand that this is not necessary, is not real, and is all of energy and the mind.  I commit myself to remind myself that I am a physical being just like them and that I am therefore equal.  I commit myself to remind myself that those who make lots of money are running a mind-program that was specific traits that I too can acquire with self-discipline.  I commit myself to breathe and delete the thoughts and back-chats that run and come up triggered by being in the presence of these beings, until I am clear and stable.  I commit myself remind myself that I am here, I am physical, and there equal.

I commit myself to equalize myself with my relationship with money by reminding myself that money is a tool to exchange goods and labor services and is not a measure of my personal value, worth, and superiority / inferiority.

When and as I see myself judging myself as inferior or superior to others based upon myself comparing myself to others’ income, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to compare myself to others and then judge myself as inferior or superior because I see, realize, and understand that this is a mental energy game that separates me from living here equal and one with the physical and these other physical beings.  I thus commit myself to stop that superiority / inferiority competition comparison game in its tracks by deleting the backchat patterns that emerge in my mind the moment they come up by saying ‘no.  I do not compare’ and then breathing / focusing my awareness to my breath and my physical until I am clear.  I remind myself that we are all in-fact one and equal as the physical.

When and as I see myself going into resentment, blame, frustration, and spite towards others who make more money than I do, or towards the economic system in general, I stop and I breathe.   I see, realize, and understand that this is bullshit, creates energy, and further enslaves me to the energy cycles of the mind and separates me from what is here as the physical.  I commit myself to stop myself from going into emotional reactions and patterns by reminding myself that this is bullshit and will do nothing to improve my situation nor is it real equal and one living.  I commit myself to delete these patterns when and as they come up and then breathe and bring myself back here to within and as the physical in every breath.

I commit myself to equalize my relationship to money so that there are no energy movements within and as me whatsoever in regards to money and that from here on out I use money as a practical tool and not a measure of my self-worth.

 

 

Step 2: Dictionary Definition:

 

noun, plural moneys, monies.

1.

any circulating medium of exchange, including coins, paper money, and demand deposits.

2.

paper money.

3.

gold, silver, or other metal in pieces of convenient form stamped by public authority and issued as a medium of exchange and measure of value.

4.

any article or substance used as a medium of exchange, measure of wealth, or means of payment, as checks on demand deposit or cowrie.

5.

a particular form or denomination of currency.

6.

money of account.

7.

capital to be borrowed, loaned, or invested:

 

Step 3.  Sounding

 

My knee

Honey

Mon - I - monatomic I - just me

 

Step 4.  Charge:  Negative

 

Step 5.  Creative Writing:

 

• I am always on my knee for money so that it can buy me the honey
• Money is honey, its good and cant have enough; although swarms of bees come after you if not careful when extract it
• I bow down on my knee at the alter of the money god - where its all about Mon - I - just me.
• Money defines my self worth, so it becomes a love / hate relationship where I am never good enough because someone always.
• Money is just a medium of exchange to communicate value in exchange of goods and services.

 

6.  Writing the new Definition:

 

Money:

 

Any article or substance used as a medium of exchange, measure of material wealth, or means of payment.

 

6A: Polarity definition? No

6B: Stand by it eternally? Yes