Day 328 – Resistance to Process

I have had a lot of resistance come up recently within and as me / my mind as energies like I just want to veg-out / go into my own world / escape from here / relax and do nothing.  Also I’ve been drawing blank on what to write about EVEN THOUGH I am always questioning my “why” as to what I am doing throughout the day.  Questions lead to insights as well as increased awareness of which leads to writings – yet, I draw blank when I sit down to write?  Also, part of the drawing blank is like this resurgence of self-judgment about the topics of which I am considering writing about.  So, like I sabotage myself with negative self-judgments – all these components have contributed to a recent bout of resistance to writing.  However, I have been speaking self-forgiveness and even self-commitment statements daily, throughout my days, when and as I see that I am living as the mind.  So, the odd thing is that within this recent bout of resistance to writing, I have been doing quite a bit of verbal self-forgiveness as well as self-commitments and breathing exercises to help stabilize my mind.   I have also come into position to start facing a few pertinent points that I will be opening up in the next few blogs here, the topics of which will be revealed in the blogs to come.  So, I haven’t completely fallen down here, just in my writings.  So, like, I will do some self-forgiveness on specifically the resistance to process that I have been facing as of late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing to write about, even though I see, realize, understand that I am completely mind possessed within a mind consciousness system that is constituted of 5 layers, the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, quantum physical, and physical mind layers; and that these 5 layers of the mind are intertwined and ingrained into my very flesh which influence every minute detail of what I do and who I am down to the blinking of my eyes and the physical reactions that I have up to the conscious thought patterns that float through my head systematically throughout my day(s).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who are writing self-forgiveness and then judge myself as inferior to them.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then use this inferiority self-judgment as a pretext to not write my own self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have other things to do rather than write self forgiveness, when I see, realize, and understand that although I may have other things to do, that everything is just a matter of prioritizing time and allocating time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into negative self judgments, such as “I can’t do this”, where I, within this, freeze-up and feel as if nothing is coming up that I can write about – even though, through out my day I have numerous self realizations and insights to my mind-programming that come up awareness that I even correct with self-forgiveness in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the though, in relation to writing that “I would rather do something else” or “I do not have time to sit down and write” or “I do not have time to sit down and write because I feel as if I am all ‘clogged-up” as in cannot bring up what it is that I need to / want to write about with clarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I have no clarity with what to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that “there is too much to write about and I don’t know where to start” and then as a reaction to that thought, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in overwhelming ness – where I feel overwhelmed by what to write about and the specificity required to be effective.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then go into the “I give up for today” character – where I justify giving up for this moment within the point that I am overwhelmed with writing and specifying my mind systems and thus do not have the time to write effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the thought that “I do not know what to / how to write out exactly what I am facing as myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the mind derives its existence from me and what I accept and allow as the physical – that I am the source and the cause and the reason the mind exists and thus, fearing my mind and feeling overwhelmed by my mind is like fearing my own creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the desire within and as myself to escape my writings and the facing of myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not writing within the point that “I have already overcome so much and have become aware of so much more than that average Joe out there”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process by comparing myself to others and where they are in process and then justifying myself as being “ok” where I am now because most people on this planet are not even aware of process, let alone walking it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist process because I view it as like this responsibility that I must endure, yet would rather do something else with my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue on in my mind consciousness system pre-programmed design in-spite of others within the point that by accepting and allowing myself to go in to resistance to process, that within this I am giving permission for this existence to exist as it does not within the point that this existence as it is now is a reflection of what I am living as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed with process, with the writing of self-forgiveness, with being so specific, with the point that I do not yet understand everything, with the point that there is virtually unlimited points to write about in order to release myself from the mind.  Within this, I forgive myself that that I have accepted and allowed myself to create justifications as backchats within my mind that “I am ok with where I am now” and “I just want to live and experience life from where I am now within my process – as if this point of where I am now is “good enough””.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that lacking clarity is a point that I myself created.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that lacking clarity does not really exist.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that experiencing myself as lacking clarity in my process is a consequence of not breathing, and standing within and as the breath – because within the point of standing and breathing and thus slowing down and stopping the participation in the mind – within this – the mind becomes something that one can look at objectively instead of subjectively living under its authority as self.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply stand, breathe, and say “no.  Lacking clarity does not exist.  I stand and I breathe.  I direct myself here as the breath.  I decide who I am.  I have the ability to slow down and question and thus observe the mind in clarity so that I can assist myself to specify all the details required to correct the pre-programming of the mind so that I literally reprogram myself to that what is best for all and to live here as the physical.”  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process by not daily applying myself to breathe in every moment and that within this lack of breathing become overwhelmed with the thought cycles that my mind produces as if they are greater than me as the physical, when they / the thoughts / the mind are not greater, but rather derivatives of me and who I am as the physical / as physicality/ as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as inferior to my mind and to others when in fact inferiority does not exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as incapable of apply myself within the necessary application to transcend my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am either deprogramming my mind or programming my mind to enslave me – that there is no middle ground.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process by believing that there is middle ground / that I can exist in equality and oneness with just a little bit of process accomplished / that I do not need to push further because “I have done enough already”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand on prior self-corrective commitments, at times, because of the justification that “I have done / accomplished enough already” – when I see, realize, and understand that the mind will vigorously reconstitute itself at every opportunity and that through complacency I am only allowing myself to revert back to the pre-programmed mind controlled condition that I was in when and as I started process – and that even now, until I am completely re-birthed as life thus having gone through and corrected all 5 mind layers – that until then I am still a slave to the mind in all areas that I have not faced.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the freedom and the transcendence that I have experienced thus far in my current walk in process is really more of an illusion that a reality as I am still enslaved to the mind in various ways that are yet to be faced AND the areas that I have already faced, the mind / my mind is hard at work to reconstitute through devious ways.