Thursday, May 28, 2015

Day 329 – Resistance to Process, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat that “I cannot find anything to write about”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am too confused to write about myself in a clear and effective manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the point of confusion that comes up at times in relation to writing about my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity in mapping out my mind in that all I need to do is slow down, breathe, and then look back on my day to see where I reacted, where I judged, etc and then simply start writing it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and hold the opinion within and as myself that writing as “not fun” or rather “not as fun and entertaining as other things” Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all that I am doing with this judgment and opinion is aiding myself to find ways to generate positive energy experiences for me as my mind to feed on within seeking out activities that I have formed a positive relationship to and then doing them only.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the point of seeking out positive energy experiences and then running from negative energy experiences – both of which I create within and as myself through my self definition and relationships that I have formed with what it is that I do and what is here.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself as physicality to be consumed and transformed into energy so that I can live within the limitation of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I sit down to write, where I slow down and examine myself as my mind and the write out who I am and what I have been living as the mind so as to correct myself so that I can live here in equality and oneness as the physical – that when and as I am doing this, I am not generating any energy within and as my mind and am thus living here, in real equality and oneness within and as myself; and thus through writing daily, I am daily practicing what it is to really live here.  Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through resistance to writing I am resisting living here only to be assisting myself to live within the energy cycles of the mind.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist living here as the physical just so that I can live within the energy of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the experience of positive energy over the reality of living here as the physical in every breath with consistency and constancy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite all that is here and all who are here in this existence, on this planet, through my giving in to the resistance to process, that I myself create and perpetuate – just so that I can be self-consumed in some form of a positive energy experience that only lasts so long and thus I am constantly seeking in separation of me here as already living as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the programming of my where I believe that life is all about positive energy experiences of which this programming was instilled into me through my parents, peers, and society since I was very young – where I follow this programming as if it is my duty to do so as a human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other humans who are not consciously walking there process, virtually everyone, and then react in jealously that I am not able to live like them in their ignorance of who they are as the mind, and to also react in fear of loss – where I believe that I am missing out and not able to live like others who are not yet applying themselves to change.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that living as energy and as the mind is the very definition of loss – where I have lost myself as who I am as physicality and trading this in for the limitation of the mind as energy experiences that come and go and ultimately end / collapse back into the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the belief within and as myself that living as energy in limitation is better than living here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare living here as the physical and living as energy and then to actually judge living as energy as better than living here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my process, my self application to write consistently, by rating / judging writing / categorizing writing as “work” or some form of a tedious activity that is only to be done when and as required and then just simply not to be considered as an actual activity that can be done at any time no matter what time it is.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to writing where I judge as boring, tedious, and then want to avoid it so that I can do something more fun and entertaining, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this because I see, realize, and understand that writing and mapping my mind out is the single most self-supportive thing that I can do to expand myself to be all that I can be as the physical where there is literally no limitation to who I am and can be – and thus through resistance, I understand that I am only aiding in the further suppression of myself just so that I can experience the positive energy experiences of the mind, which only last so long and then become negative.  Thus, I commit myself to simply breathe and delete all the resistance as backchats as judgments, opinions, fears, that come up in reaction to the self-directive and self-supportive point of writing – and then I commit myself to say out load to myself “no, I am here.  I am a physical being.  I am not the mind.  Only in the mind is there resistance to writing and supporting myself to live here as the physical and as the breath.  Only in the mind is where fear of living here as the physical, exists.  Only in the mind, can I hold a belief that living here with no energy experiences is actually limiting – when in fact living within the mind constantly chasing energy experiences is the very definition of living as limitation”.  From here, I commit myself to breathe in and watch the reactions and backchats that come up in the mind, and then breathe out and delete all these.   And then repeat this process until I am clear and stable.  I commit myself to remind myself boredom does not exist except in the mind when I am separated from here.  I commit myself to remind myself that anything that I believe is fun and entertaining is only so within the relationship that I have with it through my own self definition; and thus anything that I believe that I should be doing just because it is fun and entertaining – should be examined in writing so that I can correct my relationship to it.   I commit myself to breathe, remain here, and write.

When and as I see myself going into resistance to writing through a fear reaction to the point of not knowing what to write about or having difficulty looking at my mind and who I am as the mind where I believe that I cannot find anything to write about – and through this reacting in intimidation to my mind and to writing – I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept all myself react in fear.  I do not accept and allow myself to react in intimidation to writing.  I see, realize, and understand that there is always something to write about and that all I need to do is slow down and breathe and look back on my day to see where I reacted, what characters I embodied, what judgments I made, what fears I participated in, etc, and from there writing topics will emerge.  I commit myself to slow down through utilizing the 4 count breath throughout my day so that I can assist myself to bring myself here as much as possible and also so that I can assist myself to always be examining my mind as the observer and thus not participating in it so much.  I see, realize, and understand that the reason it seems that I have nothing to writing about is because I am in my mind as my mind too much throughout my day and thus sabotaging my process of stopping my mind because within the point of being in my mind too much, I am not here to see who I am as the mind throughout my day and thus making it difficult to clearly see so as to identify topics to write about.  Thus, I commit myself to slow down and breathe throughout my day and also before writing.  I commit myself to stop all the resistance to writing by simply saying “no, I do not accept and allow myself to go into resistance to writing and to process – instead I breathe and bring myself back here as the physical.  I see, realize, and understand that when I am as the mind, I obscure my ability to see who I am as the mind – and thus the solution is to bring myself back here as the physical through breathing and aligning myself within and as the breath.  I commit myself to stop any fear and intimidation reactions to writing by simply stating to myself “no!  I do not react in fear and intimidation.  Fear and intimidation are not real and are constructs of the mind!  I am here.”  I commit myself to stopping all backchat that comes up as opinions, judgments, and beliefs that “I cannot find anything to write about.  I cannot write effectively, etc” And instead delete these backchats and remind myself that they are not real and are of the mind.  The reality is that I am here as the physical already and that all I need to do is breathe, slow down, and align myself within and as the physical where I can easily look at myself and what I have been living as, as the mind, and then write to self correct.

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