Day 370 - Fear of loss and Desire for the Ultimate Positive Energy Experience, II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, from the beginning of time billions of years ago, been existing for the ultimate positive energy experience that is acquired through the merging of the male and female singularities AKA sex / fucking / orgasm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated and driven, since the beginning of time by / through desire / desire for the ultimate positive energy experience and fear / fear of loss of my own existence / survival as energy / consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the root / base of everything that I do / all the personalities and characters that I create within and as myself as consciousness was driven / motivated by and through the desire for the ultimate evolutionary positive energy experience and a simultaneous fear of loss / never having this ultimate experience wherein I perceive myself to be as if dead / dying should I loss or not have access to this ultimate positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through this starting point of desire for the ultimate positive energy evolutionary experience and fear of loss of myself as if I am ending without it – that, through this starting point, I created this holographic virtual reality of total fucked-ness that we all as one experience today wherein the vast majority of people experience the ultimate negative experience perpetually while only a select few experience the ultimate positive energy experience at the expense of all the rest with no regard for others.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that from the beginning of time, in the inter-dimensional existence wherein we / I existed as the male / female singularities that we / I could have easily seen the end from the beginning wherein through common sense I / we could have easily seen the end consequence of our starting point of existing as energy seeking the ultimate positive energy experience, the end of which is this very existence now wherein most suffer, our planet is dying, and we all still are not satisfied with life here any more than we were in the beginning – within the point that “if you know the beginning, you know the end.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, since I was a child, always as a priority seek out the most positive energy experience that I can imagine, as my primary motivation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by desire and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to construct personalities and self-definitions, just so that I can get what I want and avoid what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to irregardless consume substance to turn / transform it into energy so that I can achieve and experience the ultimate positive energy experience and when this experience ends, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear of loss wherein I perceive this negative energy experience to be my end / as if I fear I will not be able to experience myself in the positive again.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what is called “eternal life” is actually the seeking out of and promise of an eternal ultimate positive energy experience of which can only come through the eternal conversion of substance into energy to support this experience of which causes death and destruction to all of existence as a consequence / bi-product of which is the “negative”- thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize and understand that seeking eternal life as the ultimate positive energy experience simultaneously creates the ultimate negative experience as a bi-product / consequence.