Day 364 – Fear of loss and desire

Fear of loss drives desire.  Fear of losing what one desires, keeps one trapped in the energy of desire.  Check it out – when I fall into a desire energy, I notice that a fear of loss keeps me from being able to “snap out of it” and bring myself back “here”, where I am not in a desire possession; don’t you have the same experience?

So, desires are self-created through how much of a big deal we make out of whatever it is that we desire and then a corresponding fear of loss / fear of losing or not having that what we desire also is created as well, of which “lock’s” you in to the desire energy when and as it possesses you. 

Like for instance, the more that I think of something and the more that I make a big deal out of having it, in my mind, by participating in thoughts as ideas / beliefs / justifications, and so on, like “this will give me what I want / this will be the ultimate experience / this will be so awesome / this will make me superior or at least equal or acceptable to others / this will make me feel good about myself / this is what I need to be liked or experience myself in the best way possible” – the more and more that I desire that object or person that I have been thinking that way towards; and then also the more that I develop a corresponding fear losing or not being able to have that thing or person as well, of which keeps me trapped in the desire -- as if going into desire will help me acquire that what I desire / as if desiring something is an act of obtaining it / as if there would be no way possible for me to get what I desire unless I participate in the desire energy / as if, if I chose to stop my participation in desire, then I am giving up on that what I desire – of which is not necessarily true.  If what I desire has practical purposes, then I do not have to participate in desire energy to obtain it – I can acquire something without first desiring it – can I not?  So, it’s a strange relationship between fear of loss and desire.  They seem to go together – and they seem to fuel and charge each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear of loss when and as I am in a desire energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear of loss when and as I consider the point of stopping my participation in a desire mind possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would loose or miss out on that what I desire should I direct myself to stop my participation in a mind possession of desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and justify my going into a desire mind possession because “otherwise I would not be able to obtain that thing or person or experience”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would be giving up on that what I desire, should I stop my participation in desire.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to “map-out” my desires, either in the moment or in advance in writing, and decide if what I desire has practical and necessary value to my life and living conditions and is best for all and is of no self interest, and then to delete my desire for that and simply find ways to practically acquire it if necessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a desire mind possession due to my fear of loss reaction to the idea of stopping.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everything that I desire is a point in my existence that I have separated myself from as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that that what I desire is that what I have separated myself from as if it is not me / who I am already.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that if I were walking / living as all as one as equal as who I am, in every breath, within the realization that I am, in fact, all that is here as me; and that within that point I already possess all things as who I am; and within that point as well, everything that is here is also a reflection of me and what I have been living -  that I would have no desires because that would be pointless.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that that what I desire is showing me points within my existence that I have separated myself from within and as my mind through making it something more that it is in fact as the physical and as me as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from that what I desire by making it more than it is as the physical, in my mind through my imagination and backchats about it.  Within this illusion of separation, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then believe that I need that object of person to complete me / make myself better or acceptable / to experience myself in the best way possible – when in fact, all of those beliefs are of the mind as energy and not actually physically real.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that what is real is right here as the physical in the various forms that the physical has taken – yet all form is made of the exact same substance, and outside of the energy of my mind, all form is equal because it is simply here as an expression of what I have been living through my countless lives as a consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, because all that is here is one as equal as who I am as the physical.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that everything that I desire is that what I have separated myself from as who I am; and thus also then the fear losing that what I desire is actually a fear of losing myself.

When and as I see myself go into the “pull” of desire – where I feel pulled and compelled to dwell or act on that point of desire, where backchats start coming up about how awesome that point is and what it will do for me, and I feel compelled to have it or act upon it or fantasize about it through the energy of desire and then also fear losing it / that person or thing should I stop my participation in desire – I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by fear and desire.  I stop this.  I commit myself to say “NO! I am not this desire!  I stand!” when and as I am possessed by desire.  I commit myself to ask myself what it is that I have separated myself from that I have created this desire.  I commit myself to remind myself that I cannot loose anything because I already am all things as the physical and thus this fear of loss is an illusion.  I commit myself to speak calmly and rationally to myself to assist myself to stop this fear of loss that drives desire.  I commit myself to stop my desires and the fear of loss that goes with it.