Day 133 – Corrective Application on the Blame Aspect of the 'Perfect Driving Experience'

When and as I see myself going into the 'blame' character, while driving, because of my expecting others to give me that what I designed as the 'perfect driving experience' which exists as pictures, ideas and expectations within and as my mind- where I blame others for 'getting in the way' of my fulfilling these expectations, pictures, and ideas of the 'perfect driving experience', as expressed through my getting frustrated, impatient, and angry at them, I stop and I breathe – I do not accept and allow myself, nor do I justify myself to go into the 'blame character' where I blame others, expressed through having emotional reactions towards them, for not giving me what it is that exists within and as my own mind - and thus I commit myself to no longer expect from others to give unto me the ideas, pictures, and expectations that I have created within and as my mind, that exist as memories, of the 'perfect driving experience'

I see, realize, and understand that trying to, and expecting others to help, manifest these ideas and pictures that exist within and as my mind as memories is separating myself from what is here, and from my living 'here' – within living and breathing within and as my physical experience of just simply driving without any reactions, judgements, or expectations of the mind – just driving. Thus I commit myself to just simply driving – to driving, breathing, and stopping my mind as the pictures, ideas, and expectations of the 'perfect driving experience' - through breathing and remaining here, while I drive, as one with and as the physical.

Day 132 - SF on the 'Perfect Driving Experience', Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I have created ideas and expectatinos within and as my mind of how I am to experience myself when driving – of having the perfect driving experience where everyone drives like me – and as such I have created an expectation within and as ideas and pictures in my mind that other drivers must give me these expediences as I had stored them within and as my mind as picture presentations of what it is that I would like to experience – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am expecting other drivers to know what it is that I would like to experience, and when other drivers dont give these epxeriences to me as I had created the expectation wthin and as myself to experience, I would step into the blame character where I would go into blaming them for not giving me what it is it tha I believe that I desreve to experience, not seeing, realising, and understanding that I had created a fantasy world – 'perfect driving experience' – within and as pictures and ideas in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations in my mind of the 'perfect driving experience' based on pictures and ideas within and as my mind, and then when other dirvers don't give this to me I step into the annoyance character, becoming annoyed and aggravated at these drivers because I hold the belief that 'they must know that they are driving too slow, etc, and are doing this on purpose or because they are bad drivers', instead of seeing, realising, and understanding that everyone has their own dirving prefernce and I can not expect everyone to drive like me nor know how I like to drive nor even respect how I like to drive.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to feel disrespected by other drivers who impede my ability to have the 'perfect driving experience.'

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to 'take it personally' when other drivers impede my ability to have the perfect driving experience.

To Be Continued...

Day 131 - SF on the Perfect Driving Experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold expectations of the 'perfect driving experience' in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and upset at those how 'get in my way' of my experiencing the 'perfect driving experience'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect everyone to see fit to drive the way that I drive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge driving the speed limit or slower than the speed limit as 'wrong' and and judge those who drive slowly as 'inconsiderate'.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to hold an idea in my head of 'how I would like to expereince myself when I drive'

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to believe that I am 'right' about my ideas about how everyone should drive – and that within that I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed msyelf to believe that 'I have the right' to experience driving the way the I expect to based on my ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve the right to expereince driving based on the ideas that exist about it in my mind. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others are infringing on my right to be able to drive that way that I want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to konw how it is that we all should drive, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that those who drive outside of this idea that hold in my mind, are doing so on purpose with intent, and are therefore assholes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into the blame character when I perceive that something is 'wrong' wtihin my driving experience, where I chose to blame antoher driver, as to why I am not having my 'ideal' driving experience. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea of what it is that I would like to experience and thus I would create and an expectation within and as myself where I would expect other drivies to give me this expereince the way that I had designed it wihtin and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build ideas within my mind where I have specific pictures, presentations, and definitions of the 'perfect driving experience' that are charged with positive energy; and in this, where I would create the desire within and as myself to experience these picture presentations and definitions of the perfect driving experience. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to expect the picture presentation / definition of the perfect driving experience that exists within and as my own mind to play out as an actual experience within my physical world - and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when these pictures and definitions as ideas within and as my mind do not play out in the same way that they are defined within and as my mind, become disappointed, and then angry, frustrated, tense, and reactive within and as myself because these expereinces has not manfiested within my physical world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the belief within and as myself that I have the 'right' to expereince these definitions and pictures and ideas that I have created within and as my own mind in separation from all that is physically here, and then as a consequence of my having this 'right', I go into blaming the other drivers that they did not give me this experience, or that they got in the way of giving me the experiences of these ideas as pictures and definitions that I had created within and as my own mind.

To be continued.

Day 130 - The Perfect Driving Experience

My 'perfect' driving experience is where everyone drives about 10 to 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit in all areas, including most residential areas, rolls stop signs, turns right on reds - when I percieve they are clear to go, and merges on interstates at AT LEAST the speed limit.

Yes, there you have it. That is how I roll (drive, lol), and is my idea of the perfect driving experience. LOL. Yet, probably less than 5% of the driving population follows these 'ideals' and that I see as a big problem.

Look, I don't have any accidents on my record, and no tickets. I figure that if I can drive like this and the cops can't catch me and no one has been injured as a result by it, then fair is fair – obviously I am driving safe. Now, I carry this expectation that everyone should drive like this. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to zip around town, getting to where one needs to go, in a flash?

Its such a let-down to have to drive behind someone who drives under the speed limit. I get very frustrated. I don't get road-rage, but I do tail gate the slow drivers as a form of 'punishment' and also in some vain attempt to get them to go faster; and I talk shit under my breathe while driving behind them. I get this like tension, and ask questions to my self like 'what the fuck is their point?' and 'why can't they just go faster?' I think to myself that these slow drivers are 'not being considerate of other's – they are not being considerate of me! All they care about is themselves! And they suck at driving!'

The worst is when I am behind someone who is merging on the interstate at like 40MPH when the speed limit, and the flow of traffic mind you, is like 70MPH! This I get personally offended at – as I see my life being put in danger by these slow ass drivers whose slow merging speed is forcing me to have my back-end exposed to oncoming traffic traveling almost twice my speed! And this is like most drivers merge like this! I get really pissed. I think to myself that I should not have to go through this every fucking everytime that I get on the interstate! What's wrong with everyone?! Doesn't everyone see how dangerous it is to merge UNDER the fucking speed limit?!' At this, I do experience a bit of road-rage as I take this almost personally. Often times I speed-up and actually pass these people in the merging lane BEFORE being fully entered onto the interstate, while peering right into their driver-side window, as a form of 'chastisement', showing them how it's done! LOL. I laugh at myself, not is support of my actions, but in amazement and almost disbelief, lol.

I find myself weaving in and out of traffic throughout town. Never satisfied with going the speed that other driver's find to be adequate. I expect other's to drive like me and see 'safe speeds' like I do. So, I am in this constant state of disappointment, haste, tension, and blame – while driving. And the ridiculous thing is that I can never change this. This is just how it is. People drive the way people drive.

So, I ask myself, 'why do I hold these expecatations of the perfect driving experience?” And 'why do I get so frustrated when I am not experiencing this?” and 'Why does it even matter how fast I drive from point A to point B?” and within all this one comes to the obvious conclusion that it really makes no difference at all how fast one is driving from point A to point B. Driving faster will only shave off minutes from one's journey, in most cases. Like “I don't have minutes to spare or something?”

So, I accept and allow myself to feel 'tense', to get 'frustrated', and then to blame other's for getting in the way of my expectations of the 'perfect driving experience' all because of why? And 'what is this doing to my physical body?” And why can't I let this go? Why do I feel that I have to 'punish' these drivers or let them know that they are 'inconsiderate'? Why can't I just breathe and be here while driving? Why do I hold these expectations and refuse to let them go as if I will be allowing others to abuse me and my 'rights' on the road if I do so? I mean these are the actual positions that I 'hold'. Like 'I can't let this guy get away with this! I can't let him merge at 40 MPH on the interstate without letting him know what an ass he is!”

Blame, blame, blame, that's the name of the game. And why do I even have expectations of the 'perfect driving experince?” And why do I see myself as superior to others who do not drive like me?

I will pick up on this tomorrow.

Day 129 – The Need to be Right

I've been writing a lot on the ego and personalities, kind of in a way to just explore this topic. Its kind of evolving into what I see as the need to be 'right'. So, I am going to finish this thread with self-forginvess and corrective application on the need to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be 'right'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the desire to have others see me as 'right'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought 'oh shit what I if I am not right'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend myself so that I will not have to face maybe not being 'right'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, through the eyes of others, as stupid or less-than and incapable of survival in this system, should I be proven 'wrong'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to have the need to have the 'last word' in order to ensure that others pervieve me as 'right'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a 'fight' within the point of proving myself 'right' with others.

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the energy of debate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to beleve that debating on a topic actually has any solution as a result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that proving my 'point' will have any real benefit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my going into the energy of debate and proving my point within doing for the so-called 'victums' out there being 'victimized' by my 'oponents' viewpoint's ramification, such as victims of war, or vaccines, ect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to words read or heard by others speaking or writing something that is in conflict with my knowledge and information, by going into all kinds of backchats and internal dialogs in my mind like 'oh no, that's not right, I can't let them get away with that, what about the children, don't they care about the children?, oh, god, don't they think for themselves?' ect – and within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by reacting withi this backchat that I am going into the energy of my mind which builds into more reactions and outbursts, thus my entrie interaction with these people from this point forward is of energy and sepratation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others as me, by reacting to their words – instead of just being here and breathing and hearing them speak, as me, as one with me – with a silent mind, not thinking at all just being here.

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the realization that the confusion that exists in this world is representative of the confustion that exits within one's own mind, within the point that no one really understands one's own mind – and therefore this world is a world of secrets and lies – thus, we will all be in disagreement with each other until we look within ourselves and sort our own shit out.

When and as I see myself going into reactions and backchats to the words that other people speak or write, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react to the words that other's speak, like in participating in internal converstations and backchats or emotions of anger or frustrations – because I see, realize, and understand that by doing so I am creating an energy that I am going into and then trapping myself within, in my own mind – loosing myself to the mind, in separation from the very people whos words I am hearing. And within this, I am no longer 'here', I am no longer really able to 'hear' the words of others because they are being mixed with all the reactions, interpretations, and bullshit in my own mind-consciousness system. Thus, I am only reacting and participating in the energy of the reactions of which I am accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to. And witihn my reactions, I am separated from others as me and all that is here, as me – which has the consequence to cause the very 'disagreement' that I am now in, as a consequence of participating in the energy of the mind is to have disagreements about what is real and what is really here, because no one really is able to see things for what they are through the mind.

So, I stop, I breahte. And thus, I commit myself to remaining here and breathing through all the words that people speak and write, and only responding if I am 'here' and clear with no reactions.

Day 128 – SF on more Ego Points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with thoughts 'that I cannot let this go' when and as I hear someone speaking 'conventional wisdom' on a topic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to separate myself from others as 'superior' to them when it is that I believe that I am speaking the 'truth' of a matter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the need to be right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to prove that I am right to other's who I see as wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become offended at people who hold erroneous belief systems about vaccines and fukishima, as if proper knowledge will do anything to chnge this phenomena. And within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that disasters like vaccines and fukishima exist as reflections of what I accept and allow within my own mind and thus the only 'solution' is that I change myself into the image and likeness of life, of the physical, as the breath, here – and then walk the corrective application both as myself and with others doing the same until this world is changed, breath-by-breath into one that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that trying to 'change' people's erroneous 'opinions' on topics such as vaccines and fukishima will not solve the issues at hand because within doing this, one is not 'solving' the issues within self that are responsible for the creation and manifestation of these 'issues' in the first place. And within that, I forgive myself that within the point of trying to prove to others the reality of these things, I am only creating and reinforcing my very own ego and argumentative personalities thus actually contributing to the very problems that I am arguing about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow my ego to consume me.

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to have certain 'trigger' points where I will go into a personality, of my ego, in order to 'prove a point' or 'win a debate' in order to justify myself to myself in my existance as a mind-consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I haave accepted and allowed myself to delude myself that it is acceptable to go into personlity and character reactions in order to defend certain points of view that I have given high value to – as if I am standing up for all the weak children out there who are getting vaccinated or all the poor fuckers out there gettting radiated – and therefore it is 'ok' to go into and enhance my egoic 'nature' on these points.

I forgive myself that I have refused to see, realize, and understand that the only person that I can change is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to win debates.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the thought that 'oh no, I hope they are not perceiving that I am incorrect on this topic or that I may be wrong or a fool.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to manage other's perceptions and judgements of me by doing everything that I can to 'prove' my point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as superior to others because of my participation in the throught that 'I have taken the time to do my research and get educated on these important matters.'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold imaginary discussions and debates in my mind for the sole-purpose of entertaining myself with myself proving myself right within my own imagination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seprate myself from others and all that is here within going into my mind and my imagination where I am proving myself to be right to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have to be seen as right.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to separate myself from others within worrying about what they think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to connect fear to the thought that 'others may think that I am wrong'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a shock-and-awe attack personality system where I try to shock-and-awe my 'oppenents' into seeing things my way, when I in fact shock-and-awe only causes reactions in others where they go further into their ego as a defense mechanism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people with alternate viewpoints as my opponents.

I forgive myslelf that I have not allowed myself to realize that by defining others as my opponents, that within that I am separating them from me as them, and then giving permission to destroy them and their mind-consciousness system placement within the point of competition, winning, and establishing self as the superior mind-consciousness system placement.

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others through debate and the challenging of other's viewpoints.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into all kinds of reactions within accepting and allowing thoughts and thought patterns to energize within my mind when I hear or read something from someone that I disagree with.

I forgive myself that I have accpted and allowed myself to react within either creating a new personality in an instant or energizing / activating an existing personlity as a reaction to hearing words or reading words that are saying something that I disagree with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission and justify myself to activate my ego / personlities in order to defend certain points of view within the point that I am 'sticking up for the helpless children', like regarding the point of vaccines.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that every reaction that I allow is like keeping me stuck further into my mind as I will have to self-forgive that point once again in the future – which stretches out my process and makes it that much more difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it matters what others think of me and about these topics of vaccines and other issues, as if what others think will actually change anything. And within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the illusion of separation from others as me within the point of debating them, and reacting with all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and emotions to their words and 'positions' instead of breathing and looking into self as to why this world and everyone here exists as it does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the world and all the 'atrocities' as they exist as it exists now within the point of projecting my anger and frustration at others for being wrong about how things really work, when in reality I am angry at myself for not standing up for life, for not living here, for not breathing and then manfifesting the consequences that is the world as it exists now.

Day 127 – I Commit Myself to Birthing Myself as Life, from the Physical, Part I

I watched a cool video on personalities and who we can change in a quantum moment into the personality that we need to be in order to get what we want or in order to not half to face consequences. We can create an entire personality system-design in a quantum moment in order to avoid consequences, etc. This is amazing as having this brought to my awareness I see myself doing this all the time. I even have an element of pride attached to how well I can do this. I am prideful of how well I can change and 'morph' into what it is and who it is I need to be to get what I want and to avoid consequences. I am proud of the personalities that I have designed myself as within looking at the results of my life and the apparent control that I have over my 'reality'.

I am not prideful in an overt or outwardly 'arrogant' way, just in the background of my mind. I can see my thoughts speaking things like 'your pretty cool', 'that was cool', 'you did it', 'wow' – and then I take little pleasures secretly in those thoughts and observations of who I am within and as my multiple personalities that are designed to help me get what I want.

This is really fucked up, but this is how we all are. We are all in competition for who has the coolest set of personalities and the proof is like how cool our lives are. And then we compare our lives as the proof of how clever our personality designs are. We compare our lives to each others and then rate ourselves, like on a scale. Like, I'm pretty cool, but not as cool as that guy. Or, I would be as cool as that guy if I had what he had – as he has an advantage being born in that situation, etc.

And all this goes on in my head, and all this goes on in all our heads. This is the ego. The ego being the totality of all our personalities, and self-definitions all wrapped up into one mind-consciousness system placement within a matrix of ego's – all competing to be the top dog / the top ego.

That's why we worship celebrities and rich people and sports superstars, because we all want to be in that same situation. We see these people as who we want to be. And we are inspired by them, yet we are only 'inspired' by them because of our own existent desire to be like them that already exists within ourselves within our own drive to be on top which is our ego. So, we see them and want to live that success vicariously through them through the worship of these people. And all of this is a mind-based egoic delusion, creating separation – and believe it or not, creating the our very position of the lessor or the greater in the polarized equations of consciousness.

So, all this is why the world is all fucked up. It's got to stop. My existence as a multiple personalities all wrapped up into one cozy egoic mind-fuck system, has got to stop. The ego and all that comes with it is a system that requires energy to exist. It is not real. It is artificial life. It is rooted in fear. The fear of facing the fact that we might actually be little nothings, that have absolutely no significance whatsoever, so we want to make ourselves a 'great' as possible. We make ourselves as big as possible within and as our own imaginations, our own minds through comparison and competition.

But all this requires so much energy. This requires so much or our attention, that we miss what is really going on right here. Right here, this physical reality is reflecting back to us, to me, the consequences of living within and as the mind-fuck of the ego which is rooted in fear of self. And the consequences are not good. Just look around. Consider the oceans, the forests, the air, the animals – all of it in decline. Consider the endless garbage that we produce. Consider that there are so many suffering of starvation and disease. Consider the fact that there is so much confusion within how things really work. I mean, do you really know how the government works or who the fuck is really running things? Can you really prove anything regardless of all the so-called 'research' out there? Do you really know how you got here, or what your 'purpose' is, really? Can you really say for sure? Can you really trust anything in this reality the way we have defined it, and the way that it is presented?

Well, you can trust physical reality in that, at face value, it is telling you that obviously something is amiss. Yet, what you cannot trust is that you actually know how anything works around here. And that 's because you are, we are, living as ego on autopilote within any awareness of how our minds really work. And that is why our world continues to decay and deteriorate without anyone really knowing why our how to stop it.

But I will tell you why. It is because we live in the artificial reality of the individual ego. We don't and are not living in this physical reality as it really exists, here. We cannot even see things for what they are. We cannot see that 2 billion people starving is a fucking problem, for instance. We cannot see the simple point that because we don't really know how reality really works, that this is showing us that we don't know how we really work or how our minds really work. And if we don't know how we really work or what we are really creating through our blind existence of living as ego, the ego of the mind, then we are destined for eternal fuckedness – and this reality, this physical reality is showing us this right now. This physical reality is screaming at us – to stop! See what you are doing!!!

Let's wake up together. Let's wake up individually. Let's realize that we are all equal in power to do something about this because everything starts with self.

I will pick up tomorrow.