I
forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and
understand that resistance isn’t about being unsure of something –
resistance is a preprogrammed defense mechanism of the mind that
activates when we are faced with a point of change.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'doubt'
whether my memories are correct, and to within that, I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may be writing
a bunch of made-up bullshit and within that I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to connect
the idea that 'I may be writing a bunch of made-up bullshit' to my
fear
of
writing.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the
emotional reaction of 'fear
of writing self forgive forgiveness'
to the idea that I am not able to correctly go through or pull-up
memories so as to write about them effectively.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my
process of change by participating in thoughts, feelings, emotions,
fears and ideas that I am not able to write about, remember, recount,
and express effectively my preprogrammed nature so as to be able to
clearly be able to identify what it is that I need to stop.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from
myself by hiding memories away where I seemingly cannot find them or
remember them correctly and to within that I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot remember
things correctly and therefore cannot self-forgive correctly.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that I am not equal as life force with the same exact potential to
transcend my mind that every other being has, and then within that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate
myself from myself and others that are 'effectively' participating in
their process because 'apparently I don’t have it in me do be able
to do so'
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that 'I
don't have
what
it takes' as others do, in their process, because I see, realize, and
understand that 'having what it takes' is a mind-consciousness system
design that only applies when I live as my mind within whatever
design I have been given and that I merely need to stand, breathe,
and self-forgive to change and be able to stand one and equal with
life.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in the idea that I can 'find' self-discipline, as if I am waiting for
it to happen to me or making excuses for not manifesting the self
discipline because within this justification I am placing
self-discipline outside of myself, in separation of myself, and
giving myself what I need to resist change and remain enslaved to my
mind -
where
it is that I 'feel' so comfortable.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in the desire
to 'feel
at
ease and
comfortable' not
realizing that if this is my desire, then that means that this is not
how I am existing now in every moment because why would I desire
something that I already have? And within that, I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have only
achieve this 'at ease and comfortable feeling' by participating in
certain activities instead of living 'at ease and comfortable' as
myself in every moment of breath.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in the idea that 'I am not going to be able to make this process in
this life, and in this current circumstance wherein I work full-time
and have a wife and kids to take care of'. And within that I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the
idea that 'I will just wait for the other Destonians to gradually
redirect reality so as to make things 'easier' such as the
introduction of the BIG of which I may even be a beneficiary one day
in the 'future' wherein I will be able to complete my process years
from now'.
I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give to
myself the time and discipline required to participate in my process
as consistently as possible considering my actual circumstances
because
I have been accepting and allowing a myriad of excuses and
justifications
to trump my efforts when all the while the self-discipline and the
time that
I need
-
I merely need give to myself through self-forgiveness, breathing and
corrective application.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define
writing self-forgiveness as work and then to charge it negatively and
within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to use this
justification to do some other activity that I have placed in the
category of 'emotion release' or 'relaxation' because of my need to
participate in these actives after being at work all day.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 'work' to be charged
negatively and to believe that it is emotionally and energetically
draining and therefore, when I am off work, I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be looking for those
'positively' charged activities to participate in.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and
participate in polarity
cycles between work and off-work, rather than to remain here equal
and one in breath no matter what activity that I participate in,
always the same and
always breathing,
and within the realization that all activities
are in fact equal and one and should only be participated in if they
are best for all and also what is indeed to do to
survive in this system how it is right now and to
be as self-responsible and
self-directed as
much
as possible
in every moment.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in
the idea/mind-set of the 'average' consumerist being wherein it is
normal to need
to 'release' after a long day of 'hard-work' wherein I am not 'living
life to the fullest' if after 'grueling' work day only to come home
and write.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not write
about the emotional drain that work does, in fact, have on me in my
current walk – as of now, as
it
does require a lot of emotional energy to deal with all the different
'personalities' and complete all the tasks required to be
'successful' at what I do and to therefore make money.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
swath of material that I have to write about to stabilize myself at
work so as to create myself as stable at work with no emotional
energy drain so that when I come home I am one and equal and walking
in breath as if I had been 'doing what I want all day' – and within
that I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize,
and understand that even if I had been doing 'what I want' all day'
I still would not be emotionally stable as emotional stability does
not come from doing what I want.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become
'confused' with the subject matter at-hand regarding
self-forgiveness, and to within that use that excuse and
justification to not participate in self-forgiveness as much as I
could when and as I define myself as confused..
I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to just
stop and slow down and breathe when and as I feel confused about how
to write out self-forgives, at times. And within that I forgive
myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to write my self
forgiveness breath by breath in every moment of breath, here – and
within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to write a lot of my self forgiveness in a reactive mode.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what
others think of my writing and that others may think that I am not
writing well or writing in a confusing way and within that I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this fear of
what others think of my writing as a justification to not write at
times, and to not write about specific topics where this 'fear' is
more accentuated.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in the thought that 'others may think that I am not writing clearly
and that I should not write, therefore about whatever particular
topic may be 'causing' this fear. ' And within that, I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the
emotional reaction of fear to the thoughts that 'others may be able
to identify that I don’t 'know' what I am doing or talking about'.
And within that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my
process with fears of what other people think.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,
realize, and understand that this fear of 'what other people think of
mywritings and that others may be able to identify me as not
understanding the material' is a form of self-sabotage wherein I am
making justifications and excuses to stop my process based on what I
think other
people think, which is total separation.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
realization that what other people think or
perceive my abilities in self forgiveness is irrelevant and that even
if I am 'confused', the only way to gain clarity is to participate in
my process consistently.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that I am too tired to write when I still have energy to participate
in hobbies, and past-times.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to
thoughts that I am too tired to write, instead of breathing and
remaining here, stopping the thoughts and breathing through them
until I am clear and then directing myself to write if it is what I
need to to at that time to be consistent.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe
that this process is too arduous and too difficult for me to do and
therefore, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to 'give-up' on myself.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
realization that whatever the most 'awesome' destonian can do, I can
do also, because anyone who walks and breathes and participates
effectively in his/her process is doing so as the breath, as
life-force, as the physical – all of which I am equally.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'look-up to
other destonians' in separation of myself, as if they are separate
than me and not equal and one. And within that, I forgive myself
that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself equal
and one with other destonians because I have not seen myself that way
which is a complete find-fuck. And within that I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to use this since of 'inferiority'
as excuse and justification to not participate effectively in my
process.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get all
'stressed out' with work to the extent that I feel I need to do 'fun
stuff' instead of slow down, breathe, and write. And within that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not address
the point of work more thoroughly even
though, ironically, I
have been able to reduce my stress at work significantly with prior
self-forgiveness; however, there is obviously still more work to be
done here.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define
various activities as fun and boring in separation of myself, and
within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to be pulled back and forth in positive and negative polarity cycles
which has the result of sabotaging my time to get things done that I
need to get done and keeping myself
in separation – in my mind, and not here as the physical, in
breath.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in mind-chatter and dialog/backchat wherein my mind races with
various excuses and emotional reactions as to why I cannot
participate more effectively in my process, instead of just stopping
all that bullshit,
and
breathing as soon as I see myself doing this.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
realization that all I need to do is slow-down and breath and that I
am not really bored, and I don’t really need to do this or that in
order to feel good or
have fun
– rather what I need to do is breath and slow down until I am here
with a clear mind, and then direct myself to do what is best for all
and is self-responsible in every moment.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my
self-responsibility by participating in my mind and believing and
reacting to my own bullshit instead of being here and breathing equal
and one with my body and the physical and then directing myself in
breath.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
in the idea that I do not have enough 'time' to write out correctly
my self-forgiveness and self-exploration and self-commitment
statements and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to connect the emotional experience of fear to the
idea that I have not the time to write out correctly my self
forgiveness and therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to react in fear to writing thorough self forgiveness.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
and feed my reactiveness by participating in the thoughts, feelings,
and emotions that come up, on any particular topic, instead of
stopping those thoughts, feelings, and emotions as soon as I see that
I am going into them and then breathing until I am stable again.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,
realize, and understand that the reason why I am not able to
participate in my process more effectively is because I have accepted
and allowed myself to be emotionally reactive and controlled by my
mind.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
realization that I am the directive 'force' in my existence, not my
mind – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to fear stopping my mind.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see,
realize, and understand that all the excuses and justifications are
used only to find, seek, and participate in experience that produce
and energetic reaction in my mind which makes me feel good and feel
like I am really living – and these justifications are used to
resist change and transcending my program.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the
realization that I am preprogrammed to seek, find, and create
reactions, excuses, and emotional experiences all to form a
'resistance' to change and to transcending my program; and within
that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
ignore the realization that 'change' will seem hard and boring at
first because that is my preprogrammed reaction to stay
mind-controlled and mind-possess where everything that
keeps me in this virtual-mind reality is
so much more 'fun' and easy.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain
enslaved to my mind because it is easier that way than it is to
breath and stop my backchat.
More
self-forgiveness on this and self-corrective/commitment statements to
follow...
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