Day 299 – Public Speaking

Last week I went to a BNI group, which is a business networking group, of which I have not officially joined yet.  However, at the meeting, I was given the opportunity to stand up and speak about myself and my business.  At first, I was cool with the idea, but as my time to speak got closer, I began to choke-up a little.  By the time I was actually speaking, I found myself moving very fast through my speech as if not to disturb or perturb anyone with anything that they did not want to hear.  I also felt a bit self-conscious, as if everyone were judging my public speaking abilities and also from the standpoint that I felt as if I needed to be a bit entertaining.  All this came up, while at the same time I was basically ok with the idea of speaking.  So, like, I suppressed all my fears of speaking public ally because I ‘know better’, and that is why I was ok with it at first; but when my time came, the suppression tactic did not work so well and I choked up anyway.  When I say ‘choked-up’, I don’t mean that I froze-up.  I made it through the speaking; it’s just that I did so with a lot of haste and a bit of tension.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of anxiety when and as I was faced with the point of speaking in public.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of nervousness when and as I was faced with the point of speaking in public.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to public speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and compare the other speakers as better speakers me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my judgments on to others wherein I believe that they are comparing me to other speakers and judging me to not be as good as the others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own judgment of me taking too long to speak onto others as if they are judging me, when in fact it is me who is judging me this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become energetically possessed with the energy of haste while speaking where I speed the pace of my speech as fast as possible so as to not waste anyone’s time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am wasting people’s time if I take too long to speak; and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project that belief onto the audience of which I was speaking to, as if this came from them, when it was in-fact me judging myself as taking to long to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing of value to say and then project that believe onto my audience as if they are judging me this way – and then within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, anxiety, and nervousness to these projected beliefs and judgments about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other speakers who went before me and then through comparison judge myself as not as good as a speaker as them and then from here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief and back-chat that ‘I would not be as good as them in my speech and thus no one would want to tolerate me speech for too long.’