Day 23 - Constant Thoughts

As I slow down and watch myself throughout the day I can see myself going into thinking and thinking patterns throughout the day.  It always starts with a fleeting thought, almost an impulse or a desire to have a thought.  Or thoughts can start from  something in my environment that reminds me of something,  or they can come from just out of no-where and then that one thought turns into a lot of thoughts and thought patterns and even emotions and reactions until I have to stop myself and breathe.  And then a few seconds or minutes later it happens again. 

 

The nature of the thoughts oftentimes is about I how I might have handled a situation better wherein I am thinking about what I said or how I could have said something better.  I find myself rehearsing the past in my head as well as a potential future moment, over and over again.  Sometimes I do this just for fun – not even out of fear. 

 

So, as I am thinking I notice that oftentimes I forget something or neglect to do something or do something and not realize that I did it.  Or perhaps I will be driving and my speed picks up while I am not paying attention/lost in my mind – things like that. 

 

Now, I am really good at stopping the thoughts and identifying the fact that I am thinking obsessively since I have been working with myself to stop thoughts once they start.  However, bringing myself to a point where no thought enters my head, especially useless thoughts, like thinking about past or future situations over and over again is far from being a reality as of now.

 

In the mornings is a really interesting time to observe my thoughts.  As soon as I get out of bed, thoughts start popping up in my head one after another.  Then one seems interesting and the next thing you know I am off following this thought out until I come-to and stop it.  Then a few seconds later, it happens again!  This goes on all day actually, but it is interesting to note regarding the mornings, since in the morning is when the mind is ‘charging’ itself up so to speak – where I am setting the stage for the mind to ‘activate’ all that it has uploaded/organized throughout the night.  So, this is where I seek to exert the most discipline with stopping thoughts, in the morning, and it has been quite an awakening to try and stop thoughts especially in the morning because it is only when one tries to stop thoughts that one realizes just how much one thinks.

 

So, the goal, is to remain here within and as the breath in every moment of breath - to stop all thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and reactions of all kinds.  The goal is to be truly here throughout my day with and as my immediate environment aware of every single point that is around me and within me, my physical body.  The goal is to not go into though patterns, reactions, emotions, fears all of which are of the mind as a way for the mind to preserve itself and protect itself and all of which keep me separated from what is really here and not living here as life in oneness and equality.

 

So, I commit myself to stopping my mind and living here in every breath. 

 

I commit myself to taking the time to sort myself out daily to stop my thoughts.