Thursday, October 2, 2014

Day 234 – The Anger Demon, Part II

Some additional points of self-forgiveness that I may not have covered in my previous writings:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, frustration, irritation, and annoyance to events and beings that have provoked me in a way that is against my own self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that irritation, frustration, annoyance, and anger are all ‘projected blame’ – where I am in effect blaming others or events / objects for my own reactions that occur within and as my own mind as me.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that there is no one to blame but self for my own reactions, and emotional storms that I myself accept and allow within and as my own mind; and also I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that blame and blaming others or objects is separation as who is to blame when in fact I am everything that is here as me?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask myself the question ‘where does this blame come from?  What expectations do I hold?  What opinions do I hold?  What inferiorities do I hold about myself that have been exposed?  What am I doing that I don’t want to see about myself?  What am I not allowing myself to do or express due to fear of moral codes that I have not released myself from? ‘ – and within this questions, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the answers to these questions are at the root / the source of the emotional storm that generates and charges up unto a point of irritation and then anger.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the key to stopping irritation and anger is to ask myself these questions so that I can explore myself and heal myself at these points so that when another being or event provokes me in this same way – that there is no reaction within me to begin with because I have already equalized myself in these points.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that reacting in irritation and anger is and acts like a veil – where I veil myself from myself so that I cannot see me as the root and source of the starting point of the reaction of irritation and anger and am instead, blaming others for what I myself am accepting and allowing within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within this blame – I am rendering myself blind and also thus powerless.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that reacting in irritation and anger, and thus blame, creates within and as myself a feeling / experience of powerlessness – because within and as blame, I am powerless as I have separated myself from others as me.  And thus, if forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can take my power back by participating in the emotional storm of anger when I see realize, and understand that it is actually the exact opposite solution that I need to apply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take revenge on others by participating the illusion of power that is anger and irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to destroy others through within and as participating in the intense energy of the storm of anger as if I am so powerful when I merge myself with that energy that is the storm of anger and thus in my illusive power I try to destroy another being with my words as if I am some sort of evil super villain whose words are like lightning bolts that I fling across the room inflicting imaginary damage on the other being – when in fact, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am in fact destroying myself, within the point that I am destroy myself self as being ness because I am diminishing myself as my being ness as I surrender myself to the mind, and I am also destroying myself as my physically as I resource relentlessly from my physical body in order to provide all the necessary resources as energy to support the emotional storm of an anger reaction.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that everything of anger that I perceive as the mind, is in reverse – I am only destroying myself and I am the one to blame or my own reactions, and I am only disempowering myself, and I am only taking revenge on myself within and as anger and even irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a being or object or event ‘deserves’ my anger or irritation reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as ‘weak’ if and when I stop and anger or irritation reaction when I see, realize, and understand that it is actually the exact opposite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stand through the storm of an anger reaction.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I as my being ness can stand with and as the physical like a pillar in a storm – un-phased.  And that within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the emotional energy that is the storm of energy cannot stand and maintain its existence without an energy source and thus if I stand as the pillar of stability, unmoved, through the torrent of the storm – that that storm will pass and I will remain – thus showing me that I am indeed standing as power when and as I stand through the storm.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I stand as power as me and express myself as power by standing here within and as the pillar of stability where I am unmoved by any energy reactions of emotions and feelings – that that is true power – then I am living as power and thus within living as power as me, I am in no need to ‘experience’ power because I am already standing as such.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my desire to experience power as within and as the emotional storm of anger is in fact showing me that I am not standing as power already because if I were, I would not have the desire in the first place – thus, when and as I see myself stepping into the desire to empower myself through energy – that is when I stand and I stop and I take my power back as the physical, as the breath, as me here.

 

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