Day 244 - Anger reaction in relation to person X, part II – exploring the triggers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through my participation in my mind / my backchat where I connect fear of being seen as abusive, and in the ‘wrong’ light by others to an event and then react in more fear to that initial fear and then within this fuel-up and charge fear energy within and as myself that then charges up my imagination more and more where I then take the event and the entire context of the situation and make it more than it actually is – thus creating even more fear within and as myself and then this cycle then thus charges up fear, anger, embarrassment, spite, and revenge energy within and as myself that will eventually need to be released and vented out, but instead is suppressed within and as myself as the natural consequence of participating in my mind and using my mind as the solution to that what I fear – within this, set myself up for a future anger reaction to an external trigger where once this trigger is encountered, the pent-up energy that I created within and as myself / my participation in mind through my mind will be unleashed / vented out.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am actually created myself in the image of that what I fear.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I am create all this fear, embarrassment, spite, revenge, and anger energy within and as myself through participating in this fear cycle within and as my mind – that this energy will have to be released at a future point and that simply charging myself up and then trying to suppress this energy within and as myself will only lead to future outflows / reactions in anger, spite, resentment, revenge, and embarrassment to the initial fear reaction when a certain trigger is encountered.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that anything that is said by the beings that activates all this pent-up stored energy such as one of these beings saying something that suggests that what I fear is true – that because I have all this energy already suppressed and stored within me – then just speaking a few words that confirm the fear point can act as a trigger for me to go into an anger reaction.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for a future anger reaction to that what I fear through charging the energy up and creating a large body of potential triggers because the more that I think and imagine and participate in backchat regarding the actual event in the energies of fear, anger, embarrassment, spite, and revenge the wider the range of potential triggers I am creating – and thus within this I am making myself more volatile and unpredictable.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that speaking self forgiveness in the moment when the initial fear reactions come up, and then using self-forgiveness to stop and delete the insuring thoughts, fears, and imaginations, is the key to releasing and stopping this energy before it becomes bigger and more complicated and more powerful.

When and as I see myself going into the fear and reacting in anger to the trigger of my fear of ‘being made to look like the bad guy and an abuser by persons X and Y, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to participate in fear / react in fear because I see, realize, and understand that fear serves no purpose whatsoever.  I see, realize, and understand that the fear of being ‘made to look like the bad buy / being misrepresented and looking like an abuser’ acts as a trigger to trigger a whole cycle of reacting in fear and then reacting with more imaginations about the initial event / scenario that the fear is based upon which this creates more fear connections, more fear reactions to the fear connections and then more imaginations and internal conversations that create more emotional reactions such anger, spite, revenge, and embarrassment to exist suppressed within and as my mind that will have to eventually be released at a future point in time.  Thus, I commit myself to, when and as I see that first initial fear connection to my internal conversations, ideas, and projections that ‘person x and person y is making me look like the bad guy and abuser / abusive, I immediately stop and clear my thoughts / back-chats and take a deep breath in, and then a slow breath out so as to stop the initial energy reaction in fear before it cycles and becomes more and more powerful thus swooping up more energy reactions of emotions such as anger, spite, revenge, and embarrassment up with it creating an emotional frenzy within and as me.  I commit myself to direct this energy to be grounded and stopped by immediately saying / applying self-forgiveness in the moment that I see this initial fear reaction / connection that acts a trigger for the whole fear cycle such as ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to the point of ‘looking like the bad guy / the abuser and being misrepresented by persons X and Y.  I commit myself to remind myself through self-forgiveness that this fear and the fear cycle serve no purpose whatsoever but to assist and support myself to create myself into the very thing that I fear – and that is being abuse through a future anger reaction that I myself will create as myself if I participate in this initial fear cycle wrought through the trigger of the initial fear.

When and as I see myself unleashing suppressed anger because of a trigger where person X and / or person Y says something that activates all the stored-up energy of anger, embarrassment, spite, revenge, and fear that I myself created and suppressed within and as me by participating in the fear cycle that I described above, I stop and I breathe, and I remove myself from person Xs and person Ys presence until I can stop my thoughts and my reactions through breathing and speaking / applying self-forgiveness in the moment.  I see, realize, and understand that through my participation in the initial fear cycle that was triggered by my own fear, that I thus layered suppressed anger, spite, revenge, embarrassment, and fear energy within and as myself that would have to be released upon just hearing words by person X and Y that validate or threaten that what I fear and have thus become angry about.  I see, realize, and understand that the triggers are vast at this stage and almost impossible to single out one by one because of the fact that the suppressed anger, spite, revenge, embarrassment, and fear energy is so intense that I am now creating myself as volatile.  Thus, I commit myself to remove myself from the presence of persons X and persons Y if and when I see that they have spoken words to me that have acted as a trigger for me to go into these reactions of anger, spite, revenge, embarrassment, and fear where I just want to ‘let it all out, stand up for myself, and set them straight’ through this reaction.  I commit myself to remove myself from their presence, to breathe deep in and deep out thus slowing myself down, and then to speak and apply self-forgivness in the moment such as ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger, spite, revenge, embarrassment, and fear’ to the words that acted as triggers for these reactions from persons X and persons Y.

I commit myself to apply this technique in all anger reactions from this point forward.

I commit myself to stopping the initial fear cycle that creates volatile suppressed anger energy within and as me by no longer accepting and allowing myself to participate in this mental energy drama cycle.

I commit myself to breathe and stop my fears, align myself within and as the physical, and walk in equality.

I see, realize, and understand that my fear and anger reactions are projected blame – where I blame others for what I may in fact be doing so that I do not have to see the reality of me.  I see, realize, and understand that I am fortunate to have beings in my life that can expose me so that I can face me for who I am and have been accepting and allowing myself to exist as.  I thus commit myself to look at myself and to no longer project blame through anger reactions.

I see, realize, and understand that although fear and the anger are and seem like powerful energetic emotions, that the only are as powerful as I give my power to them – and that I can stop these reactions by stopping myself and standing as a pillar unmoved.

I commit myself to saying and applying self-forgivness in the moment in a stern, stable, and self-directive resounding voice in order to break-up the energies of fear and anger and thus stabilize myself and take my directive power back.