Friday, October 17, 2014

Day 240 – Anxiety and Nervousness In Business Transactions


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anxiety when in business transactions with those whom have a lot of money or have access to a lot of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed with the energy of anxiety that comes up suddenly in my solar plexus feeling like electrically charged erratically rolling balls beneath my skin, where I freeze-up mentally and go into a loss of words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop reacting in anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my reaction in anxiety is showing me that I am unprepared, or am existing in self-doubt, or am relying on the mind to direct me is stead of me living as my directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I react in anxiety, that my mind is placing me in, like, an energetic holding pattern while it searching for the right personality or character to go into- and thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for an anxiety and nervousness reaction by placing a positive value on winning a deal and making money and a negative value on losing a deal and not making any money.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when in business and it is unsure what the out outcome will be, either the positive point of making the deal or the negative point of losing the deal and thus within this I am existing in hope of winning the deal and fear of losing the deal – that within this uncertainty, I am setting myself up for a reaction in anxiety and nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a positive value on being accepted by those whom I want to do business with, and place a negative value on the point of being rejected by those people.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when reacting with the energetic / electrical sparks / charges / rolling ball sensations from my chest area when approaching these potential and even existing business relationships that I have placed a positive value upon the point of winning and maintaining their business, to go into the back-chat ‘oh shit, I hope they do and continue to do business with me.’ And ‘I hope my appearance is good.’ And ‘I hope that my words come out right and sound convincing’, ‘what if they don’t like me.’ ‘What if they think I am boring.’’ what if I say something wrong.’, etc.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that reacting with this back-chat only increases the intensity of the anxiety reaction and then also fuels the energies of other emotions and characters to activate along with it such as fear, nervousness, hope, desire, and worry.  Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am actually increasing the likely-hood of having that what I fear realized – and that is being ‘rejected’ by these people of which I’ve placed a negative value upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to embody the reactions of anxiety and nervousness as I walk with my mind to search my personalities and characters to see which one I should activate to help ensure that I get that what I placed a positive value on.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am not acting within self-trust of me here as the directive principle of me in each and every breath, but am instead relying upon the memories, characters, personalities, and constructs that exist within my mind to direct me and thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within the point of relying on pre-programmed characters, personalities, etc, that I am thus limited by only being able to walk within memories of the mind as who I am and thus am limiting my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when in an anxiety and / or nervousness reaction, participate in the back-chat while in conversation with the being that I have placed a positive value upon – ‘what if this being does not like what I am saying.’  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this backchat is actually destabilizing me and separating me from here, the physical, the breath, and the being that I am walking with by taking me into my mind where I am searching for the right personal / character to activate in order to get what I want within the self interest of realizing and experiencing that what I placed a positive value upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having anxiety and nervousness is part of a normal reaction and that because it seems to come up suddenly and possess me, that therefore I cannot do anything about it; instead of realizing that anxiety and nervousness comes up because of how I have created myself within my own participation in my mind in the past in my reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that anxiety comes up when my I, as my mind, do not have a personality or character readily available that I believe would be best to use to interact with another being in order to get something that I want that I have placed a positive value upon through within and as the backchat that I have had in the past in relation to that being, what the being can do for me, and what that being symbolizes to me / means to me based upon how I have defined myself in separation from what is actually here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a negative value on certain things that I have defined as ‘bad’ and a positive value on certain things that I have defined as ‘good’ not realizing that I am accumulating a consequential outflow where I hope and desire for the good to manifest and then fear the that what I have placed a negative value upon / the ‘bad.’  Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this is why anxiety and nervousness is also accompanied by the emotions of fear and or the feelings of desire and hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘choose a personality or character’ to interact with another being from the starting point of ‘hope’ that the personality or character that I choose will bring me that what I desire.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that attaching negative or positive values to the potential outcomes of experiences where I thus desire or fear the outcome of the experience and interaction, I thus create the experience of fear and or desire within and as myself which thus generates the anxiety and nervousness to activate in a way to protect me and help me get that what I desire and avoid that what I fear – thus keeping me locked into the polarity and energies of the mind, and thus separated from what is actually here.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am placing my self trust to within and as my mind, the memories of my mind, and the various characters and personalities that I have constructed within and as my mind, to direct me, instead placing my self trust within me here, as the physical, as the breath – where I simply breathe and act and do that what is practical and best for all in every breath where there is no energy directing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when the anxiety and or nervousness comes on – that when it activates it does so suddenly and also energies and electrical charges come on in my solar plexus and thus this energy feels like I have no other option but to go into it – that this is where I believe that I cannot do anything about it, but succumb to it and follow it to where it might lead me.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can do nothing about my reactions in anxiety and nervousness.

To be continued…

 

 

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