So, after writing on this topic and listening to the
Atlantean Interviews over the past week or so, I see that I am basically always
in a mild anger within my reactions of frustration, annoyance, and irritation
that occur almost daily. I did not see
this before investigating this, that irritation, frustration, and annoyance are
all basically the same energy resonance as anger, just in a milder form. Thus, I react in irritation, frustration,
and annoyance almost daily to something and am therefore always in a mild anger
reaction. This is a cool point to
realize, because before this realization I did not see myself as angry – just
frustrated or irritated. Nor did I want
to see myself as angry because angry is a ‘negative / bad’ thing.
So, I let out little bouts of frustration, annoyance,
irritation and thus rationalize that I am not angry – I am just irritated, so
that I can keep face to myself that I am not in fact living the negative / bad point
of anger – when in fact I am living anger as irritation, frustration, and
annoyance, just in a mild form.
And every now and then, I reach a point of no return – where
frustration, irritation, and annoyance are just not enough. These points occur when I am faced with a
similar situation that would normally act as a trigger for irritation, but the
situation is more intense, more in-my-face, and against my will, as if I have
done everything that I can to deal with this ‘gently’ within and as irritation,
but then the point continues and just won’t go away and then this triggers and
activates back-chat about how this point should not be which then triggers
emotional energy to charge up in my solar plexus and then in my chest and then
that activates eventually triggers an anger reaction where I feel ‘out of
control’ and I feel empowered through the anger as if I am now finally doing
something about the point that acted as the trigger.
So, what does irritation, and then anger really show me
about myself? Why am I reacting in the
first place? Why is anger and even
irritation a gift? Who am I within
anger, irritation, frustration, and annoyance?
Through investigation, I have come to realize that
irritation, frustration, annoyance, and then the crown of all these reactions –
anger – all show me that that which I am reacting to is showing me that I am
either:
-Doing the same
thing myself but me as my mind is veiling me to this fact within and as my anger / irritation / frustration /
annoyance reaction OR
-Want to be doing
the same thing but am not allowing myself to do so due to my own self-imposed
limitation because of some moral code, or some fear that I have.
In both instances, I am blaming the trigger for my own
reactions of irritation, frustration, annoyance, and then anger and within this
blame I am not looking at myself and thus veiling myself from who I am and who
I have been accepting and allowing myself to live as. Thus anger is indeed a gift because anger and the lesser energy
resonance equivalent – irritation – show me that there is something there –
there is something that I am not living as myself or something of myself that I
do not want to see and thus the point at which I react in anger is like a big X
on a treasure map marking at where I need to dig to find myself, which is the
true treasure that we are all seeking to find.
So, no more fearing anger and all of its energy resonance
relatives. Instead, I embrace anger and
look within where I am reacting in anger so that I can find out what I am not
living or refuse to see about myself and thus equalize myself with those points
thus within that releasing myself from the anger and irritation once and for
all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
hide from the anger that exists within and as me because I have charged anger
as ‘bad/ negative’ and thus do not want to see it within and as me. Within this, I forgive myself that I have
not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that that what I resist will
persist – that I am not doing myself any good whatsoever within the point of
hiding from my anger as if I am not really angry because it will never go away
if I resist and hide.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the
tremendous value in the simply axiom “You can run, but you cannot hide” – in
that this simple statement is in fact the truth of it all, of ourselves, and of
who we really are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
rationalize to myself that irritation, frustration, and annoyance are not
really anger reactions and thus I am ok and cool if I just get irritated at
things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that anger is a source power – as if through anger I can change
anything at all. Within this, I forgive
myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the
reason why I believe that anger gives me power is because of the overwhelming
energetic rush that comes with it that creates the illusion of power as being
powerful, but in reality all that I am doing is diminishing myself / my
beingness and destroying my physical body within and as subjugating myself to
energy demon that is my mind.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that infinite mind-fuck that comes with an anger
reaction where I feel ‘powerless’ to stop the energy of anger when and as it
arises starting in my solar plexus, moving into my chest area where it
activates more personalities and thus backchats and additional suppressed
energies – all this surging up at once overwhelming me and then from that point
I feel ‘empowered’ once I start participating in it and becoming the anger
demon. Thus, I forgive myself that I
have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how ridiculous it is to
feel empowered by participating the same very reaction that I feel powerless to
stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that acting in frustration / irritation / annoyance / anger can do
anything for me whatsoever – and within this, I forgive myself that I have not
allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am giving my power away
to these reactions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that when I react in irritation and especially anger,
which is the stronger cocktail, that this is showing me the being or point that
I am reacting to is representing something that my mind is veiling me from that
I am already doing myself OR I am resentful, jealous, and thus angry and want
to destroy the other being because this being is doing something that I am too
afraid to do or live myself. Thus,
within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down and
look at myself when and as I react in irritation or anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
believe that I am not match for the energy of an anger reaction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
justify reacting in irritation / frustration / annoyance because ‘it is not
that bad, and even funny at times.’
When and as I see myself stepping into an irritation /
frustration / annoyance reaction / character – I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to react in
irritation / frustration / annoyance because I see, realize, and understand
that these reactions serve no purpose whatsoever, and only further separate me
from what is here into the limitation of my mind. I also see, realize, and understand that irritation / frustration
/ annoyance is a mild form of anger and thus are gifts for me to signify where
to dig and investigate within and as myself as to why it is I am having these
reactions in the first place as these points will reveal to me that I am either
doing the same thing or wanting to do the same thing myself. Thus, I commit myself to when and as I see
the energy reacting arise stop myself and breathe and say out-load in a stern
voice “no, I stop. I am here.” And
breathe again and repeat this until the irritation goes away.
When and as I see myself going into an anger reaction –
where energy is rushing up from my solar plexus into my chest area and
activation personalities and thus backchats thus activating more energies that
come to a point of ‘overwhelming’ me with an overall anger reaction that I feel
powerless to stop and believe that I will empower myself within participation –
I stop, and I breathe. I stop as soon
as I see this coming – before the energies become overpowering to me. I say in a stern voice outloud ‘No, I
stop. I take my power back. I stand.
I am here.” And then I breathe
the energies into my chest area and move them around within and as my chest
area as if stabilizing the energy within me and then breathe the energy out
thus grounding myself back here to within and as the physical. I do this over and over again until I am
clear. I do not accept and allow myself
to go into a reaction. Then, I dig. I
investigate why I had this reaction in the first place in order to release
myself form these points within either stopping what I am living but don’t want
to see, or living or equalizing myself with what I desire to be living but
perceive myself to be not living.
In the next writings, I will investigate my anger reactions
to:
-My son
-My co-worker
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