I am still on the same overall topic of the Anger Character,
but in this writing will be doing corrective application on the Annoyance /
Frustration Character; although I am now calling it the Irritation Character as
that is more clear to me.
So, I am starting to see that I step into the Anger
Character, where I first react in irritation / frustration / annoyance that
eventually may ignite or lead to anger in the same or similar circumstances in
the future, for 1 of 2 reasons. As
there are 2 reasons why one reacts in anger:
1. A being is doing something that I myself am
doing, and thus is acting as a mirror reflecting me back to me showing to me
what I am doing and who I really am; and usually this entails a point of
resistance because what the being is showing me is something that I do not see
in myself yet and / or do not want to face. So, in response / as a reaction and
also as a defense mechanism, I step into the irritation / frustration /
annoyance character and / or anger character to the other being; so that I can
assist myself to blame the other being for what I am in fact doing but do not
want to see within and as myself. Thus,
the anger character as a reaction veils me so that I cannot see that I am in
fact doing the same or similar thing.
2. A being is doing something that I myself
want to do or be but am not expressing this point and instead suppressing it
within and as myself due to some moral code, or fear. Thus, I react in anger to this person / being as if ‘you cannot
do that if I cannot do that.’ Or ‘how could you, don’t you have any
self-control?” or “you cannot be the one!” And within all these points, the
anger reaction is a way to ‘destroy’ the other so as to lift myself up from a
point of inferiority due to the fact that someone is actually living something
that I myself am either too afraid to live or refuse to live due to a moral
code. And again, in this case, the
Anger character assists me to veil this point to myself so that I cannot see
that I am in fact angry with myself.
So, these two points will be opened up in the next writing
with self-forgiveness on the general topic of anger. From there, I will look at actual relationships where I have
anger reactions and then explore which of the 2 points listed above are driving
the anger and also thus what it is that I am not living but want to OR living
but don’t want to – that the other being is representing and showing me. Thus, anger is a gift, in that when one
reacts in anger it is the red-herring that there is something underneath that I
don’t want to see about myself that I am veiling with the anger. Thus, anger is like a treasure map, or discovering
a treasure map. Like X marks that
spot. Now dig!
CSC:
When and as I see myself stepping into the irritation
character, where I react in irritation / frustration / annoyance to and towards
an external event or being, I stop and I breathe. I do not accept and allow myself to step into the irritation
character in response to something that is going against the way that I believe
that it should be or be because I see, realize, and understand that reacting in
irritation / frustration / annoyance does nothing to assist me in a practical manner
for dealing with or handling the event or being to bring about a solution or
outcome that is best for all or even best for me within self-interest.
I see, realize, and understand that within my acceptance and
allowance of my reactions of irritation,
annoyance, and frustration that I am separating myself into an energy
experience of my mind where I give complete directive power away to the mind
thus diminishing myself as a physical being to a point of almost non-existence.
I see, realize, and understand that within my acceptance and
allowance of the reactions of irritation, frustration, annoyance, that I am
giving my power away as the director of me to the mind as energy and thus
within this creating friction and conflict within and as myself.
I see, realize, and understand that within my acceptance and
allowance of the reactions of irritation, frustration, annoyance that I am, as
my mind, recording memories of these events as stored pictures that will be
used to instantly activate emotional reactions in the future to the same or
similar events.
I see, realize, and understand that within my acceptance and
allowance of the reactions of irritation, frustration, and annoyance that I am
in fact blaming others for my own experiences that occur within and as my mind
and that are based this physical reality; of which these experiences exist
within and as my mind in separation from what is here as energy and are
creations that I myself created, inadvertently, within my not realizing how I
fucked myself through within and as my participation my mind over the years
that resulted in all other various characters of my personality such as the
expectation, belief, opinion, preference, impatience characters
specifically. Thus, my experience of
and thus characters that I live of frustration, annoyance, and irritation are
functions of other characters that I myself created that are being ‘let down.’
I see, realize, and understand that if I am to stop my
reactions of irritation, frustration, and annoyance towards beings and events
that I, within this stopping, am not giving permission for these things to
exist. In other words, I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the
ridiculous belief that somehow by not reacting in irritation, frustration, and
annoyance that I am giving permission for that point that initiated the desire
to go into these reactions to exist.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see,
realize, and understand that I see myself as inferior to the source / trigger
event being if I do not react in irritation, annoyance, and frustration - that
somehow like I have to react in irritation, frustration, and annoyance just to
assert my equality or superiority with the said event / being.
I see, realize, and understand that reacting in irritation,
frustration, and annoyance to events or beings will in no way give me any
directive ‘control’ over these events or beings and that the control that I
feel that I am getting is merely an illusion that I am accepting as real.
I see, realize, and understand that I am in fact not
entertaining anyone when and as I react in frustration, annoyance, or
irritation – and that even if one finds my reactions entertaining, it is not
justified. Thus, I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to justify reacting in irritation,
frustration, and annoyance because it is or I perceive it as ‘entertaining’ to
others or me.
I see, realize, and understand that using sarcasm as a way
to control others that are the trigger of reactions of irritation, frustration,
and annoyance is futile, manipulative, self-manipulative, and controlling. Thus, I forgive myself that I have not
allowed myself to examine within and as myself as the manipulative and
controlling characters.
I see, realize, and understand that I am not the energy of
irritation, frustration, and annoyance – that this energy reaction is not me as
whom I really am as the breath, the physical of life. I see, realize, and understand that I am that point of awareness
in the background that is able to observe the reactions and the energies of the
mind that can indeed say ‘no, I stop’ and within this assert my directive power
to stay here within and as the stability of the breath where I am unmoved by
the energies, the emotions, the feelings, the thoughts, and the reactions of
the mind. I see, realize, and
understand that I am able to step in and say no and that when I do not do this
because I have believed that the mind is me – that is when I fall to the mind
and the mind asserts itself as my god.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and
understand that my mind always needs to be creating energy in order to survive
and in order to accomplish this it will always find ways to create conflict by
driving me from the positive to the negative, by trying to capture me in
repetitive thought cycles, and by using any means possible to pull me in and
participate in the mind – and when I do allow this, I become the mind and merge
with it as me and I together with the mind am used to create energy thus
further enslaving me to the energy that is the mind, that is the illusion of
the mind, that is the illusion that I am the mind. I see, realize, and understand that I can stop, and when I do not
stop that is when the mind is my god.
I see, realize, and understand that there is never a reason
to react in irritation, frustration, and annoyance.
Thus, I commit myself to, when and as I see myself in a
situation or with a being that has let me down and or exposed me to myself in a
way that triggers the energetic reactions of irritation, frustration, and
annoyance – as soon as I see this point emerging within and as me – I take my
directive power as the god of me as the physical, as the breathe and I stop,
and I breathe, and I remain here as the breath and stand as stability through
the storm of the mind as the mind does all that it can to swoop me up into the
energy / to merge me with the energy and thus to use me to create more energy. I stand as the physical. I stand and I breathe and I look for the
most practical solution free of any reactions of annoyance, frustration, and
irritation.
I commit myself to remind myself in that quantum moment /
that split second before the reactions ignite – that ‘I do not have to
participate and that reacting is no solution and that I am here already as
stability and as the breath.’ And then
I commit myself to stand and breathe and remain stable until the storm clears –
because the storm will always clear.
The storm cannot exist without my participation.
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