Day 221 – Allowing ‘little’ emotional explosions

There inevitably comes a point in time where I go into the belief that I have reached my limit and thus ‘let it rip’ with some form of an emotional ‘explosion’ that is short-lived, and then from there I go back to ‘normal’ / business as usual.  In those moments, I have a thought ‘I just cannot bear this.  It’s too much’ thus within this thought I give myself permission let it out.  Usually, when I believe that it is ‘too much’ this is due to a fear of consequences or potential consequences and also a point of blame exists where like I am angry at someone or a particular situation or course of events that is ‘outside of my control’ that is adversely or potentially adversely affecting me.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to explode with an emotional outburst of yelling and cursing when and as I perceive that something I fear may happen to me and that it is not my fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the outflow of consequences that I experience and face in my own life’s course.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that although others may be the actual cause of an outflow of consequence that adversely affects me, that regardless, I am to blame for this existence in its entirety within and as my starting point of separation where I am only concerned with my experience of energy and how I have defined myself in relationship to it – which has thus indirectly created and manifested my experience and this existence as it is now.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that all beings and all events are merely mirrors showing me and reflecting me back to me and thus when I blame others and circumstances, I blame myself – in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief that ‘I can only take so much’ and then within that belief, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this belief to justify the release of an outburst of anger or frustration where I yell and cuss until I have finally let it all out and then return to business and usual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought that ‘this is too much to bear.  I cannot stand through this.  I must get angry and let it all out’ when and as I find myself in that moment, that moment where the walls appear to be closing in on me and I appear to be totally fucked within the point that I may have consequences closing in on me that I do not belief that I can handle or bear.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within the belief that there is only so much that I can bear and handle – in effect I am showing myself that I do not have self-trust to be able to stand through anything that I face.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to trust myself to be able to be here and face anything and everything that comes my way – all of the consequences that I must face that I myself have created in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that within the point of accepting and allowing myself to go into outbursts of anger and frustration as ‘solution’ that I am not trusting myself to be able stand here as the breath, as the physical, of life – as the real solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into emotional reactions as a solution instead of just simply standing here and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that emotional reactions of frustration and anger are never a solution and affect nothing.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear to standing here and remaining unmoved within and as the breath when things seem to be getting bad or adverse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear reaction towards things that seem to be ‘too much to bear and that might be bad for me’ instead of remaining here as the breath as the solution.

When and as I see that I am in the heat, the moment of testing – where it looks like the shit might hit the fan and ‘bad scary things’ might happen to me – I stop and I breathe and immediately remind myself that I am here, I am the physical, I am the breath and that the solution is to always align myself within and as the breath / the physical and to just simply breathe stopping my reactions - and from that starting point I direct me to find the most practical solution based upon what is here and what I am facing.  Thus, I commit myself to remain here as the breath, within self-trust, and direct myself to do what is most affective to bring about a solution.  I commit myself to find solutions with without any emotional reactions of frustration and anger as I see, realize, and understand that frustration and anger is no solution.