223 – Painting a Pretty Picture of Myself by Suppressing the ‘bad’ Side and then exploding

223 – Painting a Pretty Picture of Myself by Suppressing the ‘bad’ Side and then exploding

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to present a pretty picture of myself both to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the picture I present to others and to myself is the real me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control what others see me as by presenting as image / picture of myself to them that I believe they want to see me as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge emotions such as anger, resentment, aggravation, hatred, annoyance as bad / negative in separation of myself.  Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try to hide from myself and others within showing only to myself and others a picture presentation of a more positive picture of myself where I am easy going, happy, caring, smiling, and calm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anger, resentment, aggravation, annoyance within and as myself so that I do not have to see it and face it nor does anyone else have to see it so as to avoid a negative judgment upon myself from others.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that suppression of these emotions is no solution to stopping them and also that suppression will lead me to a point of eventual explosion / letting it all out when I can no longer suppress them anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in the secrecy of my mind and then suppress those judgments so that I do not have to see them or face them – and then present to others the pretty picture of myself instead.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow those judgments to accumulate and build within and as me / my mind to a point where a certain trigger, like that what I judged is now here in front of me in my face taunting me, and then that becomes the trigger where I give myself permission to go into an emotional explosion and thus act on the judgments that I have made in the past that have accumulated to a point where I can no longer contain it anymore.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how suppressing judgments of others and then presenting a pretty picture instead only accumulates and builds to a point where I cannot contain it any longer and then let it all out at once in one big ‘explosion’ where then the picture cannot be presented any longer and the real me comes out in full force – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with myself by believing that suppression serves any purpose whatsoever as in reality I cannot really in-fact suppress anything.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that suppressing judgments and backchat within and as my mind acts like loading bullets in a gun / acts like stored energy bullets in a gun that eventually have to be released.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that suppression can really help me paint a pretty picture of myself because in reality it will accumulate to a point where I can no longer hide behind the pretty picture as the energy stored will reach a point of total possession over me / my mind.