Day 231 – Breaking Down The Anger Character Even Further, SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame anything that acts as a trigger, that triggers the emotional reactions of frustration, annoyance, and anger within and as myself – as if it is something out there that is causing me to react instead of me as the source and cause of my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not react in annoyance and frustration that I am somehow giving permission for that which acted as the trigger for my emotional reactions to occur – as if, ‘if I do not react in annoyance and frustration and anger, then that which I reacted to somehow has permission to exist in the same way again in the future.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control my external reality through my reactions in frustration, annoyance, and anger – as if emotional reactions have the power to bend physical reality to my will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with emotional reactions of annoyance and frustration as if I am on a sit-com with a crowd watching me laughing as they ‘relate’ to my emotional reactions of frustration and annoyance as if – ‘my reactions are ‘normal’ and ‘justified’ and what everyone else would do in my situation’ and thus humorous.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and then participate in reactions of annoyance and frustration, and then justify and use sarcastic humor as a release point that is entertaining in its nature both for me and my imagined or real audience.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality of frustration, annoyance, and sarcasm thus making it that much more difficult to stop this because I have defined myself as ‘who I am’ within and as it.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that my reactions of frustration and annoyance accumulate and layer within and as my physical body over-time as a consequence of repeated acceptances and allowance of these reactions in relationship to certain point that exist within and as my reality.  Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up for an eventual reaction in anger – that point at which time I go into the belief that ‘I cannot and should not take this any longer.’

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that reacting in frustration and annoyance and then using sarcasm does not actually release the tension that I have created within and as myself towards a specific point, but rather it compounds further into and as my mind / my physical body and loads pre-programmed energy reactions like bullets into and as me to be release at that final moment of ‘I cannot take it any longer.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the energy reactions of frustration and annoyance to build and boil up to a point of anger within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anger is the final straw, the final point of how I deal with things where frustration, annoyance, and sarcasm has not done the job.

To be continued more focused on the final anger point and the corrective application as I walk through the correction on the entire system in a way that I can see all this coming miles out and make the appropriate adjustments to align myself within and as the physical and just breathe.