Day 228 – Breaking Down The Anger Character Even Further

Expanding on this statement from Day 227:

 “So, from what I see, I accept and allow points of annoyance / frustration with others or even in-animate objects to build and accumulate to a point of eventual anger – wherein the situations that initially trigger frustration / annoyance within and as me, eventually act as triggers for an outburst of anger”

So what happens here is that something or someone says something or does something that triggers a reaction of annoyance / frustration within and as me.  The energy of annoyance / frustration resonates as an experience within and as me; and within this experience, and how I have defined myself within and as it / in relationship to it - I form a ‘relationship’ of annoyance / frustration to this external point.  This experience is stored also within and as me / my physical body as a memory.

The way that I have defined myself in relationship to the external point that triggers a reaction of frustration / annoyance is that this point ‘should not be happening to me’ or ‘I should not have to experience this’ or ‘this is not supposed to be this way’ or ‘this person should not be in my way” or “saying the things that he / she is saying’ – in other words, there is a preceding back chat that I relate to and go into / participate in where I go into the belief and expectation that whatever is happening is ‘not supposed to happen this way’ – in essence. 

So, that the belief and expectation that I hold within and as myself about how things should be in physical reality compared to how things are actually happening in physical reality and who I am within this as a being that should not have to experience anything that is not the way that I believe that it should be or exist as – this is where I justify a reaction of annoyance / frustration.  And also, within this, I am thus blaming an external point for my own dissonance within and as myself – not realizing that I am actually the source of the reactions – not the external point.  The external point, is just revealing what already exists within and as me. 

These reactions of frustration / annoyance and my relationship to them, to external points that I believe ‘should not be’, are coded as memories within and as myself / my physical body.  Thus, eventually when similar events happen again, because of these memories, these events acts triggers for an outburst of anger as that final point of –‘until here no further.  I will not tolerate this any longer.  I must now take action and exert my power / anger over this external point to show it the folly of its ways.’ 

Thus, also along with this, is a point of powerlessness that I experience as of course I am powerless to cause physical reality to bend to the imaginary will / the illusionary world that exists within and as my mind.  So, now to make up for my experience of inferiority and powerlessness, I get angry.

 

Now, this is a little more exact.  Self Forgiveness to follow.