Day 219 – Standing Absolute

It is time I face myself within this point of standing absolute.  I see, realize, and understand that when I don’t stand absolute, the mind will find ways to reconstitute itself to a point where the initial pattern I worked through eventually comes back.  It comes back in different ways as it finds new ways to re-establish itself, which thus requires re-walking the same point again thus prolonging my process --- can you say time-looping?

I forgive myself that I have not allowed to stand absolute both within patterns and systems that I have already done self-forgiveness on and also on patterns and systems that I see in the moment that I have not yet done self-forgiveness on.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by not standing absolute, I am not only creating the conditions within and as myself to time-loop and prolong my process, but I am also accepting and allowing the same patterns to exist in others thus within that point, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by not standing absolute, I am standing as the problem thus bringing about and supporting all the suffering and pain in this world, and not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be able to go so long until I ‘give-in’ to the systems, the patterns, the personalities, and the characters of the mind that constitute entertainment for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the belief, as a matter of justification, that “I need to have at least some stimulation in order to really live and be happy.’  Within that self-created belief and justification, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand and to also ignore the outflow of consequence of holding onto such a belief / justification, within the point that within holding on to and participating in this, I am accepting and allowing everyone else is to do the same, thus creating a world of death and suffering for us all.   Thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support this world as it exists now and thus allow and give permission for it to exist as it does now -where beings suffer from war, famine, poverty, loss, humiliation, degradation, and abject sadness.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to consider that I am one of the ‘lucky’ ones on this planet that have the ability to indulge in stimulating activities in order to satisfy my craving for entertainment while most beings are lucky to even be able to eat.  Thus, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as an abuser of life where I indulge in my mind and that which creates positive energetic experiences in my mind that thus supports this existence as it is now – Thus, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that through accepting and allowing myself to not stand absolute, I am thus supporting and giving my permission to abuse others who are not so fortunate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to – in that one moment of opportunity to say ‘no, I stop’ and then simply breathe, instead give in to the back-chat of ‘just one last time,’ and ‘why not’, and ‘I need at least some energy / positive experience’, and ‘I cannot do this.’ and ‘life is too boring without this’ – and then partake thus extending my process and giving approval for all the suffering of this world that exists as an outflow of consequence for me participating in the energy experiences of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by not standing absolute I fuck myself within the point that although I may have worked through an entire point and stood for the most part, that because I am not standing absolute that the system or point that I just transcended will slowly but surely find its way back and reconstitute itself in slightly different ways that require walking the point again, AKA time-looping – thus I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by allowing myself to not stand absolute I am actually going nowhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the backchat that I go into in that final point of breathing, where I have been breathing all the way up to this final point / final test - of ‘I cannot do this’, ‘life is too boring without this’, ‘I need at least some positive energy experience to be happy and satisfied’ – is me.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this backchat is not me, but rather it is pre-programmed thoughts of the mind that I myself programmed but can also stop and undue the program through deciding to stand and breathe and say ‘no, I stop.  I am here.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into the justifications character where I use various excuses and justifications about how I just need at least a little bit of this energy experience in order to be satisfied and happy and truly live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify ‘giving-in’ to the energy needs of my mind within the self-created belief and backchat that ‘I have been breathing for too long and just cannot go any longer.’

When and as I see myself stepping into the justifications character where I come-up with various excuses and justifications about how I need to experience energy and thus cannot stand absolute – I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow this to exist within and as me because I see, realize, and understand that by not standing absolute I am both giving permission for this reality to exist as it does now and also prolonging my process within the point of time-looping where eventually I will have to face everything again.

Thus, I commit myself to stand in that moment of testing / that moment where I have been breathing for ‘too long’ and cannot go any longer by reminding myself in that moment that this is just more systems and backchat of the mind and it is not me.  I am right here.  I breathe.  I stop.  And in that moment, I direct myself to remain here and breathe through these beliefs, justifications, and backchats because I see, realize, and understand that these are not really me and are of systems that require energy that if not fed will dissipate and go away while I remain here standing.

I commit myself to stand to the end, absolute.

I commit myself to never miss another breath of my own will.

I commit myself to stand as the physical of life, here.