Day 239 – Anxiety and Nervousness Characters

Looking more closely at the Nervous and Anxiety Characters, I can see that these two are very closely related.  Both characters come with an electrical sensation / charge in the solar plexus / chest area that comes on suddenly, can be very intense, and is destabilizing.  Both characters come with a bit of excitability.  Both characters cause one to have trouble communicating as if one is locked-up to a certain extent.  Both characters are also usually accompanied by the emotions of fear and / or desire.  Both characters tend to be brought about or increased in frequency or strength due to the amount of positively charged thoughts, imaginations, and projections about a desired event or desired outcome of an event, although this is more so with nervousness than anxiety.  Anxiety tends to hit first and suddenly, seemingly for no reason at all; while nervousness usually comes about after an initial anxiety reaction and usually one can see it coming.

The main difference that I see between nervousness and anxiety is that anxiety usually comes first and occurs in situations where one as the mind does not know which pre-programmed script / character / personality would be best to activate for a given situation; so, the mind reacts in anxiety as a way to place the being into an ‘holding’ pattern while the mind decides which characters or personalities to activate for a given situation; in other words, the mind reacts in anxiety so that it can decide who one is going to be in a given situation.  Thus, one can have a brief anxiety reaction that will end once one finds and then activates the characters / personalities / scripts that are ‘best’ for a given situation. 

However, if one as the mind, begins to realize that one does not have a script / character / personality for a given situation, then the nervousness character will activate as the ‘solution’, along with fear or desire, typically.  So then, one tends to be in 3 or 4 energies all at the same time while one walks through the given scenario that activated all of this, such as: Anxiety first, then nervousness and fear; or anxiety, then nervousness, and desire; or anxiety, then nervousness, fear, and desire – all at the same time completely mind-fucking the being.

I used to connect worry with nervousness and anxiety and I can see how worry may feed nervousness, but these three are definitely not connected.  Worry, is like trying to control the future with thinking mixed with fear and or desire, which is different than anxiety and nervousness - even though fear and/or desire are usually mixed with all three of these characters.  However, anxiety and nervousness are like brothers of the same parents: Mr. ‘I don’t know who I should be in this moment & Mrs. I don’t trust myself as who I am in this moment.’ – if you will.

So, I have been told, by many, that I seem nervous at times.  Thus, I would like to look at these characters.  The following situations are when I have had memories of these reactions of anxiety and or nervousness mixed with desire or fear: 

• In business situations, with new or existing, high dollar prospects and deals
• When in the presence of new people, or acquaintances, that I desire something from or have placed myself in an inferiority position with – like they / he / she have money, or looks, or charisma – and I want to be accepted by them within a point of desire and / or fear of rejection.
• When interviewing for a new job, especially high paying job
• When speaking in front of large audiences 

These points listed are outlines of actual memories of situations that I have encountered in the past, but I am keeping them more as outlines because my reactions of anxiety and nervousness are not limited to just the specific instances that I can remember, but are more broad in nature.  Like, I have memories of actual job interviews where I ‘chocked-up’ in anxiety, nervousness, fear, and desire all at once – however, I would assume that I would be like this at other interviews and similar situations in the future – thus I am keeping this broad so that I can look at this system as a whole.  However, in the following self-forgiveness, I may forgive specific memories – it just depends on how it flows out.

Tomorrow, I will do self-forgiveness so that I can open these points up and assist myself to release this anxiety and nervousness; so that I can establish and then replace these reactions with self-trust, with who I am here in every breath – where instead of reacting, I breathe and then express myself as me here as the breath / the physical / in the moment, regardless whether or not I have any pre-programmed script or character or personality.

You see, this is also an interesting point – like, reactions in anxiety and nervousness are also gifts in that they show us that we only trust ourselves as our minds with pre-programmed scripts / characters / personalities and thus have no real self-trust –because if we had real self-trust, then anxiety and nervousness would simply not exist within and as us.  Thus, anxiety and nervousness show us that we are still living in our minds and offer us the opportunity to look at ourselves and step in and stand in those points where we are reacting such.