I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in
fear to my own fear of living hear as the physical of no energy experience and
thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own
fear and thus be directed by the energy of fear that I create within and as
myself through the participation in my own mind. Within this fear reaction and as a consequence of my going into
the fear cycle, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go
into back-chat, imaginations, comparisons, and judgements, within and as
myself, where I start thinking about how boring it is to just live here of no
energy experience whatsoever – over and over again where this cycle of fear
energy that stimulates reactions within and as me layers and accumulates to a
point where I become possessed to physically ‘do something about this and stand
up for myself as a being of energy / that requires energy to live and be happy’
and thus within this, totally fuck myself into and as the energy experience of
the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to step into
the idea character, within and as myself, where I say things to myself as
back-chat like ‘life should be more fun than what is experienced just being
here’, ‘I am not really living if I am just to be here and do what is practical
at all times’, ‘I need an outlet sometimes’, ’if others are doing it, then they
are having more fun than I am and why should I limit myself to having no energy
experience whatsoever?”—where all this exists as pictures as ideas and ideal
statements within and as my mind in separation from what is here- where I am
being directed by pictures and images that exist within and as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed
by pictures and imaginations, which are based on memories where I have been
programmed in the past about what the ‘ideal’ life is and is about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the
idea in my mind that the ideal life is about the energy experiences of ‘having
fun, having good times, feeling good about myself, and entertainment.’ – which
is all just a bunch of bullshit that I have accepted and allowed myself to be
pre-programmed with over time and thus am now directed by the past, by
memories, and my own self-definition of who I am in relation to a bunch of
memories as pictures, ideas, and imaginations.
To be continued…
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