Day 255 – Fear of living as the Physical, IV

When and as I see myself reacting in fear / connecting fear to the idea and / or experience of living here as a physical being, in physicality, with no positive energy experience to exist within and as, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to react in fear / connect fear to this because I see, realize, and understand that fear is not real and does nothing to protect me or secure my survival.  I see, realize, and understand that this fear is of the mind within the starting point of fear of death and survival / the survival of the mind / of me as energy / as a being of energy.  I see, realize, and understand that I am not a being of energy and that it is energy that eventually ends and collapses back to its source, the physical of who I am and align myself as when I take my stand as the director of me and breathe and remain stable within in and as my physical body as me, with no positive or negative energy experience whatsoever.  Thus, I commit myself to say out-loud in a calm, directive, and gentle voice to myself, when the fear reaction occurs, the words ‘No, I am not this fear.  Fear will do nothing for me.’  From here, I direct myself to breathe and stop my participation in this fear through breathing until I am clear and there is no fear.

When and as I see myself in a situation where I start to feel bored and then go into the back-chat that like ‘there is nothing fun and exciting to do’, ‘life can’t be this dull?!” ‘I need to feel like I am living life’, and then I react in fear to this and then that fear activates my imagination where I start thinking of all kinds of positive energy experiences that I can participation in and then start comparing myself with others, judging others, become jealous of others, all as a self-manipulation tactic to victimize myself and convince myself to eventually ‘give-in’ to my desire to participate in an experience that I have charged with positive energy, that is of self-interest, and then resist those experiences that I have charged with negative energy through judgment all; so that I can avoid the experience of being bored, or living a dull-life, I stop and I breathe.  I do not accept and allow myself to talk myself into engaging in experiences for the thrill or energy that I can derive from them, just so that I can feel alive because I see, realize, and understand that feeling alive is actually not really being alive and that really being alive is simply being right here as the breath, as the physical, constant and stable with no energy experiences whatsoever.  I see, realize, and understand that it is the physical is the source of energy, and that energy will always collapse back I into the physical; but the physical is always here and always constant and stable and the same.  Thus, I commit myself to remain here and breathe and delete these thoughts and conversations that I have with myself in my own mind, in order to manipulate myself into my desires that I created within and as myself through judgment to give me experiences of energy, where I separate myself into the energy of the mind / into the mind, by saying to myself ‘no, I stop.  I am here.  I am a physical being’.  I remind myself that I have no need for an energy experience of any kind to satisfy me, to make me feel good, to make me feel alive – because I see, realize, and understand that I am here already alive as the physical in the stability of the breath.  I also remind myself that boredom is not real and only exists in my mind as a consequence to my accepted and allowed thoughts, back-chats, and judgements; and that through this, I create an experience of boredom or excitement within and as myself in relation to what I am doing and how I have judged it, and how I have defined myself within and as it.  Thus, I commit myself to breathe and remind myself that the positive energy experience of the mind is only temporary is not a real solution to living and is not real living.  I commit myself to stop separating myself from here, from physicality, through judgements where I judge things to be good / bad, desirable /undesirable based on my relationship with things and how I have defined myself within that.  I commit myself to sort out my ‘who I am’ within what I do so that I can eventually overtime develop an equal and one relationship with everything that I do where no experience of boredom or excitement exists within and as me – where I am just here, breathing simply doing what is practical, what is necessary for my well being, and what is best for all.  To further assist myself in this process, I commit myself to redefine words such as ‘excitement’, ‘life’, ‘living’, ‘happiness’, ‘entertainment’, ‘fun’ and others like these so that I can live them as who I am in every breath and no long seek an energy experience of them, where I separate myself into the limitation of my own mind.