Day 257 – Desire to be rich, II

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within and as myself the desire to be rich as the solution to my inferiority complex where through becoming rich I would be vindicated as being better than all the rest.  Within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the desire to be rich is not a solution to felling inferior / less than and unworthy of others and their attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself as ‘eccentric’ and thus participate and create within and as myself the idea and belief that I am ‘eccentric’ as a way to make myself feel better about myself as a solution to my social awkwardness / social problems / social frustration.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘eccentric’ as positive / good due to my participating in the idea and perception that ‘rich people are eccentric / different than normal people’; and thus, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a positive experience within and as myself as a result of participating in the idea and belief that I am ‘eccentric’.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive emotional bodies within and as myself attached to the belief system that I created within and as myself that I am eccentric- and thus within my participation in the idea and belief that ‘I am eccentric’ I created an alternate world within and as my own my where I became a superior being who was thus not able to be recognized as such by others because I am eccentric.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one day I would be rich because of my belief that I am ‘eccentric and that rich people are eccentric’.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly see myself as better than others of which one day this will be self-evident to all within the fact that I will eventually be rich – the ultimate winner.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how I manipulated myself with words, ideas, and beliefs within the point that when I defined myself as ‘socially unskilled / not fun to talk to / not interested to talk to / dorky / boring’ in comparison to others as a reaction to my social interactions with them, I then felt ‘bad / less than / inferior’ about myself and who I was – and then, when I defined myself as ‘eccentric’ in comparison to others as a reaction to my social interactions with them, I then secretly felt superior about myself and who I am in comparison to others.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-manipulation / step into the self-manipulation character, as a solution, where I manipulate myself to create ideas and belief systems about reality and who I am within in it in order to make myself feel better / feel superior about who I am.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play energy games with myself where I am constantly competing with others and manipulating myself to create within and as myself the positive experience of being the winner / the one / superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification that ‘I am eccentric and thus that is why no one can relate to me’ to explain my internal experience of not being able to get what I want emotionally from women and men in my social interactions with them; and that within the point of defining myself as eccentric, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as a way for me to feel better / good about myself no matter if I get what I want or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that defining myself as eccentric and then believing that I will one day be rich and thus expecting that I will eventually be rich one day is no solution to my inferiority / insecurity that I experience within and as myself in relation to others; because within participating in this, I am only creating a positive energy experience within and as myself through this belief system in order to suppress and cover-up the negative energy experience that already exists; and thus within this, I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that no matter if I actually become rich or not, the inferiority / insecurity will still exist within and as me.